any dating gurus around?

[Mitchy1nge]

so if you met someone, and had quite a nice time at a party with them (no snogging or sexuals) and you were reasonably sure he fancied you but you didn't fancy him as such but quite liked him as a person, and so if you went on to send him a message asking if he would like to come to the cinema to watch a film (that he had been talking about) with you but he hadn't responded within 24 hours would you:

1. think never mind, nothing ventured nothing gained
2. check you got the number right
3. find out where he lives and let yourself in while he is at work and surprise him?

I'm thinking 1 but I really do think he liked me, he wrote a lovely poem and everything (everything being making an origami crane) so am a bit puzzled that he wouldn't at least say thanks but no, or ideally 'yes that would be lovely'. Hmmm.

I always insisted on paying or going Dutch then there's no expectations from them iykwim. Having said that, that was usually on first dates

he's already bought the tickets for Monday but then we are going for a meal so maybe I can pay for that - am used to this sort of thing from older men but find it a bit puzzling (and annoying if I think about it for very long) in younger ones, as far as we skirted round the topic at first he really really really wanted to pay but if there are going to be more we will have to talk about it properly

So....about my weekend - I went on a date on Friday night (through OD)- we met at 8.00 and said goodbye at 11.30 so I guess we had plenty to talk about. He walked me to the car and we had a kiss and cuddle, which was very nice....but, without wanting to sound mean...it was 'nice'. The earth didn't move. I know it was just a kiss...(or a few) but I thought I'd feel a bit more.

So...do I be very 2013 and just move on, or do I give it a chance to develop? I just have no idea what to do now? When I think about it, and about him I smile. I'm not in a rush to make another plan...when it happens it happens. Probably good because often I can be fairly obsessive!

We've had texts since then. I guess I can't fall in love on the first night? Don't want to rule him out because he is nice, but don't think he is going to be my great love. And that's what I'm looking for.

Any thoughts?!

Hi Jenny. What have you got to loose (lose? Can never remember which it is ) by seeing him again eh? There's nothing at all wrong with nice!

You have to give it time, jenny. It sounds like you have a good start there. Sometimes it takes a little while for the passion to build up so don't write it off so quickly.

Thanks - that is what I was thinking - but equally, he seems really keen, and I don't want to be leading him on...
It all seems so 'instant' these days...20 yrs since I've done this.

Especially this app I've got - Tinder - do you have it?! So instant. Swipe left, swipe right...

Have you had a great love before and been cruelly separated by death? Otherwise how do you know what it feels like? But obviously don't see him again if your heart is not really in it, surely it takes a few meetings though?

Is much easier for me because am fundamentally a bit sort of apart and not much of a monogamist or believer in The One. Am fond of my new chap and hope it goes somewhere because he's funny, extremely amiable and interesting - long long term I suspect he is too sensitive and serious (romantically) and quieter socially than me - I think he will realise that I actually am this vacuous and that however outwardly affectionate I seem it's pretty superficial and I can't do Actual Intimacy over an extended period of time. But we really won't know until we try, and I already definitely would love us to be friends. Am so looking forward to tomorrow anyway whatever the future holds.

I have had a great love...but that's a whole other story.....

Ok, that's interesting how you already think that long term you aren't sure about things....then yes, I should give it another go...he is definitely a very nice guy.

Is it a film you're seeing tomorrow? Which one?
x

is it a beautiful and sad story? I would like to be more romantic, think I was probably destined to be yet only seem to notice when it hasn't worked out that way for people so it never looks that workable or attainable, for me anyway

we are seeing this which is probably not the best choice but he is keen on the venue and we are going for a meal if when the film ends

it's very sad...and my heart is still broken....

A horror film - I didn't read past that bit! At least you can have a reason to grab onto him!!

Have a great time....look forward to hearing about it xxx

:( your poor broken heart a new love could be just around the corner

chose that film because the others were unknown and this one is supposed to be A Good Film and others looked far too depressing, and as a very weak talking point (should we need a particularly feeble one during our post-movie supper) my friend used to work for Edward Woodward

I still haven't bought a new dress, unlikely to be near any nice shops today. Please let inspiration strike me while I'm running. I feel a bit wibbly in the tummy at the whole he-clearly-wants-a-girlfriend thing and the I-would-quite-like-a-boyfriend thing in both nice and not nice ways.

hope you are having a fab evening...thinking of you!!! x

it was great :) even though I only managed to buy a dress with an unflattering reindeer print all over it , and didn't really register until a few minutes before I had to leave that there was no possible way I could wear it and had to make an outfit out of stuff that is only very slightly better than a Christmas Dress - he looked really nice, as usual

the film is fucking hilarious, I had no idea it would be so funny (although the very last bits were completely horrible and I am trying not to think about them) and my newest friend/chap is also so amusing that later, during our 'light supper', I managed to ingest about 1009 calories without thinking about them much at all

next episode will be either this Sunday or next (need to find out what I am doing this weekend, think am away), at his house, he is going to prepare a meal for us (should I bring stuff too?)

and finally achieved a bit of snogging, which we can work on next time hopefully, he is still a bit too tall for it standing up. I think we need to lie down a bit then we will be the same height.

ah....pleased it went well! laughing is always good too!

and apart from the height issues the snogging was good??

roll on Sunday....

I think I've got a second date on thursday....

need to see what the snogging is like lying down, really, before I can evaluate it meaningfully

he said I tasted like Ghandi but we had just eaten something Bangladeshi

so you are seeing the Very Nice Guy from the other day, the one you did like but not in a tingling all over kind of way?

Gandhi Ghandi Gandhi?

has he tasted Gandhi?

Yes, second date on Thursday with the VNG. Have had lots of text chat with him....i'll have to see how Thursday goes...

great! what are you doing on Thursday?

I can't be bothered to do much text chatting, he seems to be very busy all day every week day doing the world's most boring job ever and I'm usually quite busy most weekday evenings, he has his son every weekend until Sunday pm/evening so is just as well am not looking for someone to spend every waking minute with. If it stays like this and we just get together once a week or so it could be a relationship I can actually enjoy and stick with!

going out for dinner this evening.....was really looking forward and now v anxious....what if I see him and don't like him!!

def sounds like you are both busy, and that can be a good thing?!

when's your next date?x

maybe have a pre-arranged excuse to leave at a certain time? "My cousin has just flown in from Patagonia, I have to meet him at 10pm." that sort of thing?

my one has invited me for supper on Saturday evening, presumably his little boy will be asleep or have gone to his mum's or something, I WANT TO and am just deliberating the journey between our villages (40 slow dark winding minutes I think or miles) and the likelihood of getting home at a reasonable ish time, bearing in mind have a ten mile plus run early Sunday morning, and the ongoing difficulties of whether to wear The Same Dress, the Reindeer Dress or the very small tartan skirt or some other thing

how was it jenny?

need the wisdom of the gurus, am going to his place for supper, he doesn't want me to bring wine or pudding ("just you") so what should I take - cheeses? an amaryllis?

I bought a cyclamen, think must be too early for amaryllis. Apparently in the Victorian symbolic language of flowers it means goodbye

I'm still following your blossoming romance Mitchy...please tell us how your supper date went !!

Yes yes! mitchy you are a breath of fresh air! So nice to read your straightforward attitude, enjoyed reading your thread. Wishing you best of dating luck, and hoping your reindeer dress will come in handy one day soon :-)

it was lovely thank you :) didn't get home until about 1:30pm today

he is extremely extremely extremely tidy and sort of zen, no furniture to speak of, we are utterly polarised in our living habits. Lots of books though and he had pretty tea light candle things flickering everywhere and there was a poem to accompany every course. Some were a bit perplexing and they all seem to be about splitting up with people but here is my favourite of them (Pinter):

What sound was that? / I turn away, into the shaking room. / What was that sound that came in on the dark? / What is this maze of light it leaves us in? / What is this stance we take, / To turn away and then turn back? / What did we hear? / It was the breath we took when we first met. / Listen. It is here.

so as well as being woooooed it was also nice to do lots of snogging lying down, but neither of us thought about condoms in advance so depending on your definition of sex we might still have IT to look forward to, had lots and lots of fun but very little sleep. am yawning my head off no

wish was still all tangled up with him now really