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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

any dating gurus around?

271 replies

Mitchy1nge · 28/10/2013 12:00

so if you met someone, and had quite a nice time at a party with them (no snogging or sexuals) and you were reasonably sure he fancied you but you didn't fancy him as such but quite liked him as a person, and so if you went on to send him a message asking if he would like to come to the cinema to watch a film (that he had been talking about) with you but he hadn't responded within 24 hours would you:

  1. think never mind, nothing ventured nothing gained
  2. check you got the number right
  3. find out where he lives and let yourself in while he is at work and surprise him?

I'm thinking 1 but I really do think he liked me, he wrote a lovely poem and everything (everything being making an origami crane) so am a bit puzzled that he wouldn't at least say thanks but no, or ideally 'yes that would be lovely'. Hmmm.

OP posts:
Twinklestein · 28/10/2013 23:18

[thinks through washed up 80s pop stars]

Original poster
Mitchy1nge · 29/10/2013 12:28

after a bit of text chat I've suggested a walk and now feel like some dangerous predatory monster Confused

OP posts:
LessMissAbs · 29/10/2013 12:32

I know its not Morten Hackett as he's neither washed up nor living in Holland but that's the image I now have! And the only other chap I know who fits the bill is still happily married.

Have fun OP! (sounds like you will...)

Lweji · 29/10/2013 12:34

Good god, Mitch, why?

Unless you are taking him to Blair Witch territory. :)

Original poster
Mitchy1nge · 29/10/2013 19:49

I'm glad you haven't guessed who Mr Mitchy is/was, I was being a bit horrible there with my description of him but technically we are still married - and I'm happy at least so maybe you guessed right?

I don't know, he has gone a bit quiet (new one, not one am married to) since lunch time. He did send me a slightly panicky message checking whether am actually receiving his texts though, a mast is down somewhere and they are a bit hit and miss today. I think if it's really Meant To Be we could just use telepathy?

OP posts:
Original poster
Mitchy1nge · 29/10/2013 20:44

SUNDAY is the day in case anyone is wondering when I snare my prey

especially ye of little faith who thought I had overestimated his interest Wink

OP posts:
HeywoodMonkey · 29/10/2013 21:34

So Mitch, did your STBXH run away to a contemplative monastic retreat to escape aggressive stalkerish behaviour from ...umm... you? And if so, any tips? My XH is too close for my liking. He could benefit from a far eastern (emphasis on the word 'far') experience.

Original poster
Mitchy1nge · 29/10/2013 21:45

I don't know exactly what he's doing in the monastery, it's odd because my friend's ex is also there (maybe not same one, there are possibly a few in Thailand?) but we are 20+ years down the line of separation and the first year or so was very ugly. The one great thing about not getting divorced is that it is much more difficult to get impulsively married again.

OP posts:
HeywoodMonkey · 29/10/2013 21:52

So you didn't drive him to it, then? What about your mate, what did she do to precipitate her spouse's Thai monkey business?

Original poster
Mitchy1nge · 29/10/2013 22:04

ah they are not married, but she is on MN so I'll probably shut the fuck up now Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Mitchy1nge · 29/10/2013 22:05

I think he might have acted autonomously though and just joined a monastery of his own volition, not as a result of any behaviour on my friend's part

OP posts:
jenny99 · 29/10/2013 22:24

This has made me laugh so much that I just had to add to it!....Thank you for making me laugh!

May help me interpret some mixed messages I've been getting from a bloke who is really confusing me....although I think what he means is "I'm not interested", but why don't they actually say that?!?!

Anyway...will keep reading this to keep smiling :)

Original poster
Mitchy1nge · 29/10/2013 23:08

glad to be spreading the joy!

I don't know, it's hard to be blunt isn't it? What is actually going on with the mixed messages?

OP posts:
jenny99 · 29/10/2013 23:53

He told me straight up that he didn't want a commitment....but then he texted on and off most of the day for a couple of weeks....texted at night, sleep tight etc....told me let's see what 'develops' etc..told me how we have so much fun together, he likes spending time with me, finds me fun, etc...then cooled down a bit, and kept saying busy at work...then texts 'Hi Gorgeous'...and starts up with the texts again...then cools down...

Oh...when I read it back it is quite obvious he isn't interested....
Ok....on to the next?!...

Lweji · 30/10/2013 00:04

Yes.

Are you sleeping with him?

It sounds like he is trying to keep you rolling, while not committing in any way.

Is he online dating? He may be getting new interests then goes back to you when it doesn't really go through.

Listen to what he first said.

jenny99 · 30/10/2013 12:53

No, I'm not sleeping with him...and yes, he is online dating. I think exactly that - he is trying to keep me on the back burner while checking out his other options! Bloody cheek....

Original poster
Mitchy1nge · 30/10/2013 12:56

it's not really cheeky if he has been upfront about not wanting a commitment though is it? If you are looking for something more sort of exclusive it sounds like not a perfect match Confused

by commitment I guess you mean not seeing other people, that sort of thing?

OP posts:
jenny99 · 30/10/2013 14:42

yes, you're right....although he said about not wanting a commitment, but behaved as though he did for a couple of weeks....oh well....plenty more out there I hope....
I don't really want a massive commitment either - don't want full on boyfriend/girlfriend relationship yet....just want someone to have fun with and enjoy myself a bit....

Original poster
Mitchy1nge · 30/10/2013 19:38

well if you're finding his on/off on/off approach is not fun maybe call it a day? at this stage if it isn't almost all fun then it's definitely not worth it (and by fun I just mean more enjoyable than not)

are there any other people you could meet up with in the meantime and start getting to know?

OP posts:
Original poster
Mitchy1nge · 30/10/2013 22:07

I like the way I seem to have appointed myself The Dating Guru when I hardly ever do it AND am unspeakably shit at it Grin

OP posts:
LineRunner · 30/10/2013 22:13

That does in fact make you a MN thread expert.

jenny99 · 31/10/2013 18:29

lol....still laughing...you are definitely an expert!

I thought I'd posted a message last night but I think my wifi cut out....I was going to say definitely I'm calling it a day....in fact, there is nothing even going on to call a day!!! Haven't heard from him since Sunday....I will obviously take the hint and move on....any suggestions where to next?!

Lweji · 31/10/2013 22:44

When I was actively dating there was this guy I went out once, then he messed up the second date, and I couldn't be bothered to properly arrange another one as he didn't seem sufficiently reliable. He would occasionally send a text but I didn't answer. A few months on he sent another text.

There are some idiots around.

Original poster
Mitchy1nge · 03/11/2013 20:43

in case anyone was wondering . . . had a LOVELY day with my prey, am in early stages of LIKE Quite A Lot, second date coming up

:) < < < < me

OP posts:
Lweji · 03/11/2013 20:56

Couldn't think of anything else had almost forgotten.

Pleased for you. :) I hope all goes well for the next ones.