I Cannot believe I am having to talk about this...

[filee777]

I've just come down the stairs having gone for a bit of a lie down, up at 5.40 with the kids this morning, to find my husband looking at porn while my child is in the room with him!

My three year old child!

He jumped up and opened the door, meeting me at the bottom of the stairs and asked me 'why i wasn't still sleeping' and i sort of said 'can i come in' and he let me, but when i checked my computer there were open pages of porn on there!

I said 'what the hell is this' and he said that he just 'wanted to see what would come up in google'??? so I said 'with our son in the room?' and he said the boy had been playing on the other side of the room - that doesnt make it any better in my eyes.

hes just tried to give me a cuddle and i ignored him and he asked 'if i was pissed off' with him and I very much said yes, did some dishes and have come upstairs.

i dont want to talk to him or even LOOK at him right now, my bloody kid was in the room! Surely that is TOTALLY unacceptable????

So annoyed.

Back peddling? No. Changing my mind after the possession of more facts? absolutely.

Of course he was a wanker in other ways. To do what he did you have to be a wanker (excuse the pun).

Not only that but to behave as the op did...desperately trying to fix it and not inconvenience him, it was clear she had no self esteem.

Matry, OP displayed a strange sort of obduracy on that thread too.

All this apologising for porn, child abuse, men who just can't help themselves for what ?... this thread was set fair from the beginning

ScaryFucker, to stop myself going batshit over the abuse apologism, I try to tell myself that they must've had some troubling childhood experiences themselves to think these things are normal or okay, or to have such a need to try to minimise or normalise it. Trouble is, that doesn't help the current victims and potential victims.

Back pedalling.....if you hadn't have been so quick to put what the h did as ' a silly mistake' then you might have read between the lines. All your spouting about marriage shouldn't fall at first hurdle rubbish.......did you really think this relationship seemed right? Like this was the first hurdle!??

A lot of these abuse apologists are unbelievable.

Thankfully, the thread will be full soon.

Fucking hell, as if the OP's vulnerability and scarily acquiescent attitude towards her husband wasn't alarming enough, some of the posts defending, minimising and dismissing inappropriate sexual behaviour here is just

Oxford I watched that show on the telly the other night and unless you were hiding behind the sofa all the way through it you too were watching pornography. Maybe because you were watching it from an educational point of view you can convince yourself that you are secure in the moral high ground.

You misunderstood my post. I am not debating whether or not viewing pornography is acceptable I am simply saying it happens.

Although I feel bad 'telling tales out of school', the OP started a thread not long ago criticising an abuse storyline in a tv show. She said it was unrealistic that the middle-aged victim didn't appear more traumatised and that she forgave her mother far too easily for excusing and standing by the father, the abuser. The irony of contrasting that with this thread is heartbreaking.

ChilledGuy:

"I can guarantee you that some of the people on here screeching to kick out your DH have husbands who probably look at porn but are far smarter at covering it up. It's no wonder the divorce rate is so high if the automatic reaction to someone making a mistake is to end the marriage. Marriage has highs as well as lows and if two people love each other there's nothing they can't work through"

"I hope this never happens but if this happened to anyone of you would you so quickly and coolly cut your DH out of your life like you're telling the OP to do here?. The man you married and shared a lifetime worth of memories with? Father of their child? Just like that?. Yes her DH has done something disgusting but she and hopefully him wants to fight for their marriage. I respect you Filee for trying to save your marriage"

No need to trawl through the thread. A simple CTRL F and search is all that is needed.

"Screeching" that's a new one!

whitesugar what's your point? Of course porn viewing happens. But we are talking about watching it in front of children. You think this is ok?

Where do I defend him?

Whoosh.....there he goes......

:)

So having sex in your own home with children present, is now incest?

And I am not stupid. DH works from home and I know he doesn't take his phone into the lavatory for a wank because I always have to answer the sodding thing while he is upstairs reading.

From reading the other thread, I see a woman scared to be on her own, grateful for a man in her life at ANY cost.
Hence the desperate /excusing defensiveness of H, fear of moving forward proactively [having a conversation and him walking around for an hour or two doesn't cut it], and therefore only picking up on what she wanted to hear and ignoring the rest.
I think help is very much needed for the OP, the H and the marriage.

I fear too many people are now settling for the lowest common denominators in life, if viewing porn is now seen as the norm in family homes, then god help us. However I'm heartened to see many know when to draw the line and wouldn't be afraid to do so.

Lets hope that our cynical minds are actually right one step closer....I'd rather that than the other reality

Whitesugar, please don't humiliate yourself by trying to suggest that watching a documentary clearly about how appalling the porn industry is, is in anyway comparable to watching porn for sexual pleasure. By your 'logic', there would be little or no difference between paedophiles getting off on child abuse porn and police officers or researchers watching it for research purposes (I am an academic feminist, btw, so do watch things like that tv show for non-entertainment/information purposes).

I also wouldn't wtch such a show when my Ds was in the room. Just like I wouldn't feel up my DH when DS is in the room. It's remarkably easy not to be aroused around children.

My dh doesn't watch porn either. He doesn't like it. He likes women. He has a wife, daughter, mother, sister, aunt, grandmother, niece and several female cousins. You know, half the human race. He doesn't need to see them abused.

oxford ewww you've been watching porn!? Where were your kids?

Oxford if you think are sickened by the thought of two loving parents in a caravan out of view of their children, who incidentally are engrossed in the Tellytubbies, being affectionate and having a laugh in bed you really need to take a look at yourself.

Spirulina, having sexual activity in the presence of children is abuse, and if they're your own children, that makes it incestuous. Just because it is a 'big' term, doesn't make it extreme to use.

This is not just obvious to non perverts , it's legally defined as such.

Having sex when children are elsewhere in the house (and safe to be left alone) is completely different. This really shouldn't need explaining.