I Cannot believe I am having to talk about this...

[filee777]

I've just come down the stairs having gone for a bit of a lie down, up at 5.40 with the kids this morning, to find my husband looking at porn while my child is in the room with him!

My three year old child!

He jumped up and opened the door, meeting me at the bottom of the stairs and asked me 'why i wasn't still sleeping' and i sort of said 'can i come in' and he let me, but when i checked my computer there were open pages of porn on there!

I said 'what the hell is this' and he said that he just 'wanted to see what would come up in google'??? so I said 'with our son in the room?' and he said the boy had been playing on the other side of the room - that doesnt make it any better in my eyes.

hes just tried to give me a cuddle and i ignored him and he asked 'if i was pissed off' with him and I very much said yes, did some dishes and have come upstairs.

i dont want to talk to him or even LOOK at him right now, my bloody kid was in the room! Surely that is TOTALLY unacceptable????

So annoyed.

Oh it was clearly a bloody lie wasn't it, he was looking up porn because he wants to look up porn.

He said 'yeah I just wanted to see what would come up if I put in pussy pictures and loads of stuff came up'

He knows he was doing wrong or he wouldn't have tried to stop you going in the room.

If you're worried about that,then I'd call the police to log it as an incident.

Exactly. He is also being very quiet and has put a pot roast on for dinner.

He knows he has fucked up massively.

It's very bad to be checking out porn with a child in the room. However, I doubt he was planning a wank! People do look at porn without wanking. Still pretty shit though and I would be livid.

So he typed in pussy pictures instead of actually googling porn iyswim?

Still totally unacceptable and any grown man will suss that one out but sounds more like he was doing some serious misjudged googling.

I think he should sort somewhere else to stay. A cheap B and B and put in on the credit card. It's a clear message of how massive this is. Let him shit himself that he could lose everything. Only then will he realise it can't happen again.

What a total idiot!! What was he thinking?!

Misjudged googling ?? No. He was looking for pictures of genitals to get off at.

I am not buying the 'misguided googling' line either

He was looking at porn with my kid in the room, my kid wasn't even on the other side of the room when I came in, he was sat on the sofa with his dad

This is bad isn't it

Fucking DEFENDING him?

That's just made me even more angry, I am NOT defending him.

Yes.

It is very bad.

Does the history show what and when he was looking at? Ie was it a prolonged thing or a quick stupid google? (Not that if makes it ok but sets the scene for severity I think)

I can see you aren't defending him,it's just all sinking in,it's shit,really shit that he's put you in this situation.

I really think he needs to leave for a few days,you need time.

No I was telling you what has been happening in this house this morning, not defending him just sharing what is going on right now.

We don't have ANY money for a bnb

I am thinking about phoning the nspcc for advice.

No I was telling you what has been happening in this house this morning, not defending him just sharing what is going on right now.

We don't have ANY money for a bnb

I am thinking about phoning the nspcc for advice.

No problem awful it's an emotive issue.

The fact that there is no money for a b and b would be his problem, not yours today.

You posted earlier that ypu feel you can't trust him to be alone with the kids. I would not want someone in my home I had to feel like that about. You can't be in every room.

Sorry this is happening OP.

Does he understand how bad this is?

Because as said above if he couldn't control the urge then you have an addiction issue.

If he just genuinely didn't think then you have a stupidity issue.

Both are very serious.

Allowing children to witness sex acts is abusive and has been the basis of prosecution in the past. Has he realised that his behaviour could constitute child sexual abuse?
Like some one said further up he doesn't seem to realise quite how bad this is and he has to be made to see this.
I think you're spot on in not letting him be alone with the children at present and it might be an idea to get him to leave your home until you have a clearer picture of what has been happening.
TheAwfulDaughter's suggestion is really good but he should be doing the research and booking, it won't work if you have to lead him by the nose.

So sorry you're going through this OP.

Please don't think I was defending him. But your post stated he'd said he'd just typed in 'pussy pictures'. I did say any sensible adult would know the combination of kittys and fannys would appear.

What he's done is wrong - he also knows it.

I'm really very sorry if my post if my post added to your stresses of the morning.

I would get a babysitter and take him out in the car and have a long talk about what he was doing and then depending on the out come I would suggest he leaves and has contact centre only access to the children or he understands never to do this or anything stupid when with the children.

Explain its unacceptable and why and that if it was a family friend or other relative how would he feel about his dc seeing it? That you could report him for this and it could mean you leaving as you cant trust him and his poor judgement

I think he has done a stupid thing and knows it but you need to know why he thinks it was ok to do it in the first place and he may need counciling to find that out for himself.