I Cannot believe I am having to talk about this...

[filee777]

I've just come down the stairs having gone for a bit of a lie down, up at 5.40 with the kids this morning, to find my husband looking at porn while my child is in the room with him!

My three year old child!

He jumped up and opened the door, meeting me at the bottom of the stairs and asked me 'why i wasn't still sleeping' and i sort of said 'can i come in' and he let me, but when i checked my computer there were open pages of porn on there!

I said 'what the hell is this' and he said that he just 'wanted to see what would come up in google'??? so I said 'with our son in the room?' and he said the boy had been playing on the other side of the room - that doesnt make it any better in my eyes.

hes just tried to give me a cuddle and i ignored him and he asked 'if i was pissed off' with him and I very much said yes, did some dishes and have come upstairs.

i dont want to talk to him or even LOOK at him right now, my bloody kid was in the room! Surely that is TOTALLY unacceptable????

So annoyed.

Neither If you can't get it into your head then maybe you should just bow out of this thread.

Looking at any porn with any child in a room is as such exposing said child to porn. And since porn is a sexualised adult thing it is inappropriate for children.

If he's downstairs while his wife lies-in then he's agreed to mind the DC. Minding the DC = doing things which are child centred, letting them play, getting them breakfast etc. Looking at pictures of women's pussies is not part of a usual morning routine while in the presence of children.

exactly that in itself is enough to be dealing without thinking there is more to it. There might be but I think it is a big jump and one that there is no evidence off based on what she witnessed. I just think the op has enough to be dealing with with what she did witness without jumping to other conclusions. I think she is right to talk to someone and right to go mad over what did happen but I think there is a world of difference between him watching porn with a child in the room and him letting a child see it or him abusing his child. Thats all.

It's not a "big jump"...the OPs husband has viewed porn in front of their child!! There is no jump!

Big Jump - a few inches along the sofa? Abuse was allowing child to see the porn there is no jump to make

What am I saying that is so wrong?

Ok Neither this is the problem:

I am anti porn. Afaik my dh does not look at it at all. I would be upset if he was using it full stop.

This is not about porn. If the man was alone in the room or with other consenting adults, it would be fine. No-one is judging his porn use.

I just dont think it is abuse.

Watching porn in the presence of a child is abuse. Even if the child doesn't see it.

I was responding to posts where it was implied that he was abusing his child or grooming him or was going to have a wank in front of him when there is no evidence of anything like that happening.

It wasn't implied that he was abusing his child, it was outright stated.

There is a suspicion that he may have been grooming because of what he chose to search for. A man wanting to look at porn on his own would google 'porn' not 'pictures of pussies'. The word 'pussy' to his son would mean a cute little cat and he might indeed like to look at pictures of cute little cats.

A man who wanted to groom a child could innocently declare 'I just sat with my son to look at pictures of cute little cats and those awful images popped up before I could stop them'.

That search alone would be a safeguarding issue. The fact that the child was in the room with him is a safeguarding issue. There is a chance that the child is at risk.

Do you not agree?

I never said it was ok I never said it wasnt wrong I just said that it doesnt necessarily mean anything more than what the op witnessed

What the OP witnessed is enough to warrant further investigation. By professionals trained in these matters.

Turning a blind eye is dangerous because it does not protect the child.

neither I think the Op has less faith in her own husband than you do, and she is the only one of us that knows him

you are not helping (or you are "helping" the wrong person here)

As Scary said...the porn being on in the same room as the child is abuse. The child need no see it....but the adult making a choice like that is abusive.

How the fuck COULD he look at porn with his child present is beyond me and beyond other people with normal sexual development.

I'm so glad everyone has agreed it is totally unacceptable. From your posts I would agree with advice to contact nspcc first.

I'm sorry you have to do this.

Thanks Scarynuff for taking the time to post that reply. I wouldnt have thought it was abuse if the child wasnt exposed or aware of what he was doing and even if thats all he was doing i agree it is wrong and not appropriate. I just think grooming or exposing or including the child in it is so much worse and I hope that none of that happened.

What kind of parent would even take the risk that their child might see pornographic images?! It's a no-brainer. Husband knew it hence his defensive stance. That speaks volumes.

Makes me sick. OP, hope you've had good RL advice, what a nightmare.

"Hope" isn't enough, especially when you don't know the guy. Only OP can decide that and you are wrong to downplay and minimise even the facts of what has happened.

OP should get professional advice, as mentioned upthread.

Neither -he did expose the child to it simply by doing it in the same room as the child

K8middleton whatever has gone between you and op in the past this is hardly the thread to be making digs about it.

The thing is, Neither, if that were the case, and it could just be considered a poor judgement, there would be no harm in talking to police or social services about it would there.

However, you have been saying, no don't take it any further. Why? If it's all so innocent, why not take it further and get the professionals to confirm that, in fact, this is just harmless fun?

I thought the OP said her dh said the child was at the other end of the room, what's all this about him sitting on sofa next to dh!!!

SF no worse than others who need to maximise and exaggerate the facts of what has happened. I think it is best to deal with the facts of what have happened rather than adding or detracting from the facts.

He claimed the child was at the other end of the room when the porn watching was going on, but when the OP entered the room the child was sitting on the sofa staring at the computer.

God alone knows what the boy may have seen. Utterly appalling.

It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, the risk to this little boy is real. He's definitely at risk of seeing porn, it's pretty horrendous.

What facts have been exagerated neither?

neither where children are involved it is better to err on the side of caution where there is any doubt ...do you agree with that notion ?

he said that in the op but later she said that when she went into the room he was on the sofa.

I've just seen it about the sofa!!!! would get that man out of the house and away from the child. If i ever thought my dh was watching porn with the dcs next to him i would kill him. And get the dcs AWAY!!

Sorry you're having to deal with this OP

I think some posters on here are well OTT in their responses to this! You're right to be angry, shocked and hurt by what's happened but i think you should have some space to process what has happened, rather than leaping in and jumping to the wrong conclusion.

I suspect any explanations for his behaviour are likely to be more 'mundane' than those stated by a lot of posters here but yes there is always a chance that it isn't.

What 'mundane' excuse is there for putting porn infront of your 3 year old?