I agree with Lunarx - don't let the bds win. The best way to do this is to rebuild your life and find happiness. Try to look forward, & try not to let bitterness contaminate your new life.
However, this is easy to say retrospectively. LW and Shibori stay strong and do not be cowed by these selfish bullies.
Donbean - friends and family tend to step around domestic problems as it seems too risky to speak out and potentially put your friendship on the line. I wished that someone had said to me: no, this is not normal - but it is hard to say that in a non-judgemental way, as I guess the person whose relationship is implicity being criticised could take the comment as a criticism of their staying in that relationship (when it is too hard for them to leave at that time, for whatever reason). However, when I "came out" to my family and close friends as being in a very unhappy, abusive relationship, they were nothing but supportive and then all voiced their suspicions that things had not been right for a long time. One dear friend wrote to me that "putting her neck on the line", I was so right to have left the relationship. During the months that followed, if ever I waivered or felt down, her words helped remind me that I was doing the right thing. If you can bring up this difficult subject with your friend, you might be able to help her identify her relationship as abusive.
As for the first thread in this topic, and Shibori's comments about not being hit (yet), I can only agree that violence does not necessarily manifest itself in punches etc. People can control you by being violent to inanimate objects around you, raging at you, undermining your confidence in yourself and your friends (thus isolating you further), controling you financially, coercing you into certain behaviour etc.
Anyway, gotta go, but thinking of you all brave women that you are!