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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

domestic violence-support club.

257 replies

tyedye · 02/07/2006 16:01

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Tyedye · 18/07/2006 20:19

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Lemmingswife · 18/07/2006 20:20

How are things with you, Tyedye?

fattiemumma · 18/07/2006 20:29

hello all.
sorry i have stayed away the last week or so, i just didn't think i could offer much support as my own Xp has been such a tosser.

been a bit bogged down with the whole court thing but have become very pro active! been and got a statement from the police about the many many times they came to remove him (19 recorded but we both know there were HUNDREDS more than that that see to have not been filed)
been on to my solicitors about getting this back to court asap. and have been sorting through all my files and checkinga nd double checking all my documents.

i have written a letter to my old neighbours asking them to write a statement about anything they heard or saw...do you think its worth sedmning it? or should i just leave them out of it as i have now moved? do you think they would respond? i would of course put a SAE in withe the letter so they would just need to write something and send it back...there ould be no need to go to court.

what do you think?

Lemmingswife · 18/07/2006 20:36

Definitely worth sending the letter, FM. It can't hurt to try & get them to help you out if they can.
Really hope all goes well for you, you sound like you have been through complete hell with your x.

Tyedye · 19/07/2006 10:27

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Smellen · 20/07/2006 11:54

With regard to the idea of dogs loving their abusive owners (and by extrapolation, children loving abusive parents), it's got to be more complicated than that - and of course the other adults in any child's life have a duty to try and prevent any abuse from occuring.

If you think about it, a small person is rarely going to have the confidence or vocabulary to articulate the confusion of feelings that they must experience when someone they love abuses that relationship. I can't speak from experience here (thank god) but would imagine many adult survivors of childhood abuse or people who witnessed domestic violence in childhood would agree that their feelings towards the abusive/violent parent were always ambivalent - even if they couldn't put their finger on it at the time.

In the end, we put the label of "love" on the feelings that children have towards their parents, but there must be a real mix of loyality, dependence, habit, fear, confusion, guilt, etc. in the case of children who live in these circumstances.

So, in short, I think GF that you are right to protect your DS from being pulled about. I wouldn't beat myself up about it if I were you. But it might be good to try and encourage open dialogue with him when he is at the right age, to help him come to terms with what is, in effect, the loss of a parent.

glitterfairy · 20/07/2006 13:14

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Smellen · 20/07/2006 21:34

Sorry to hear it is not so simple for you GF. Can't chat now, but hope all of you are well

Tyedye · 24/07/2006 17:03

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CKMUM · 25/07/2006 09:11

Hi I havent been around for ages as my computers died and I am at the library now but things are worse than ever and I need help fast. I just wish I had someone I could stay with; I would go anywhere even abroad if someone would have me but I have no friends or family

Tyedye · 25/07/2006 14:36

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Tyedye · 25/07/2006 14:41

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CKMUM · 26/07/2006 15:33

finally! I'm going tomorrow although can only manage a bit of stuff so will be short of things for me and girls. Good luck everyone else

fattiemumma · 27/07/2006 11:54

GF is no longer able to post. her X has discovered her account and has now accused her of allsorts and is threatening to use these discussions as evedence against her.

I am unsure as to where he thinks he will get with it but pathetic tossers like him will try anything to emotionaly abuse someone, and to take awaywhat has fast become her only means of suport is just a cheap shot.

MN have been asked to delete all posts from GF and anything relating to the XH.
I will remain in contact via Email and hopefully GF will return in the future.
hopefully away from the eyes of her

Domesticly Violent Xhubby

Tyedye · 28/07/2006 09:48

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Tyedye · 28/07/2006 09:51

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Lemmingswife · 28/07/2006 09:53

Really glad that you have got in touch with your HV, Tyedye. Good for you! If she is anything like mine, she could prove an excellent source of support for you.
Make sure you tell her everything

Tyedye · 28/07/2006 09:55

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Lemmingswife · 28/07/2006 09:57

Is she coming to you?

Tyedye · 28/07/2006 10:01

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Lemmingswife · 28/07/2006 10:04

Wise move to go to her then Tyedye! Do you not get much of a break from him?
I am up & down like a yo-yo still atm. I am ok this morning, as he is at work all day, but found the first part of this week quite tough.

Tyedye · 28/07/2006 11:30

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Tyedye · 30/07/2006 09:13

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Lemmingswife · 30/07/2006 09:21

Oh dear.

Tyedye · 02/08/2006 09:52

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