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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

domestic violence-support club.

257 replies

tyedye · 02/07/2006 16:01

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Original poster
tyedye · 02/07/2006 20:32

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glitterfairy · 02/07/2006 20:48

I've only seen one thread pulled for swearing and it was all forgotten pretty soon after!

CKMUM · 03/07/2006 11:22

Hi, I am till trying to escape but am thinking of giving up as I don't think it will ever happen

Original poster
tyedye · 03/07/2006 11:25

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tribpot · 03/07/2006 11:28

CKMUM, I was thinking about you at the weekend and hoping you were far away. What happened this time?

CKMUM · 03/07/2006 11:34

i got a loan from the DSS and although it was near enougha grand which is the maximum anount you acn have wso I was lucky to get that much, by the time the money went into my account, the flat had gone to someone else. I have treid other estate agents but none of them take housing ebenfit without a guarantor

lunarx · 03/07/2006 11:59

tyedye, i've been thinking about you... xx

CKMUM> have you talked to your HV or GP about other options?

when i read threads like this, it makes me ache that so many women suffer this abuse

glitterfairy · 03/07/2006 12:35

Womens Aid quote a figure of one in four women who are abused during their lives lunarx pretty scary!

Original poster
tyedye · 03/07/2006 13:24

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lunarx · 03/07/2006 13:25

i'm not really at liberty to discuss (online) my situation

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tyedye · 03/07/2006 13:37

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essbee · 03/07/2006 13:37

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tyedye · 03/07/2006 13:38

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tyedye · 03/07/2006 13:41

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lunarx · 03/07/2006 13:44

tyedye> he's not hit you, has he? i'm sorry you are going thru this. there are a lot of resources out there for women, physically or mentally abused. have you spoke to anyone about this, outside of MN?

Original poster
tyedye · 03/07/2006 14:02

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lunarx · 03/07/2006 14:21

and those other abusive ways are often just as terrible as physical

just remember:
you are special
you have worth
you are important

no matter what HE says to you!

gothicmama · 03/07/2006 22:27

emotional and verbal is far more incidious than physical abuse which often happens after a period of time of teh other forms. Please look after yourself and do not accept having to stay even if there is no physical abuse

Lemmingswife · 03/07/2006 22:41

Emotional abuse is quite a hard one to see for yourself, as it is less obvious than physical abuse. However, at a freedom training course I went on, all the women there that had suffered both, said the emotional abuse was by far the worse.

heavilydisguisedregular · 03/07/2006 22:52

good idea for a thread.
if your partner will let you escape, and wont dedicate his life to tracking you down - you are one of the lucky ones.
there really are NO resources out there to help women whose partners are hung up on not letting them escape. "I'd rather kill you than let you have your way" etc etc. The police aren't willing to act until the woman is dead.

tortoise · 03/07/2006 22:54

My xp was violent towards my ds not me.Was probably emotionally abusive towards me though.

Freckle · 04/07/2006 07:01

CKMUM, if you can get your GP or HV to document the stress and detrimental effect of the abuse, you may qualify for emergency housing from the local authority. You shouldn't have to stay in an abusive relationship simply because you can't find a private landlord who will take HB.

Speak to your local CAB. They may know what your local authority's policy is wrt domestic abuse.

lunarx · 04/07/2006 09:19

not to mention there are women's shelters, not ideal especially if you have a child or children, but it is an option.

i dont know what the police's policy is on abuse that is non-physical, but it may be worth finding out if you can (safely). also talking to your health professionals (even if just for a friendly ear!) may help you feel better (and stronger.) i cannot believe that the police will not care until the woman is dead. the police cannot help in a situation unless they are alerted to it. :I

glitterfairy · 04/07/2006 10:09

I have found the police helpful, friendly and incredibly protective of me. They have bent over backwards to support me in every way including sending me information in a huge envelope about how to cope and what to say to my kids!

They recommended womens aid and sent me a domestic violence pack and have given me an alarm and special named officer to deal with me.

I have called them on at least five occassions and they have always been wonderful and supportive. Perhaps I am lucky but I cannot believe that.

My GP has been pretty useless on the other hand but then he hates anything emotional! My HV has tried to help.

As for moving I am now prevented from doing so by my X. I cannot say any more as we go to trial on the 19th July over the kids but he has continued his bullying and abuse of me via the court system and it has been witnessed with incredulity by my legal team!

Kathlean · 04/07/2006 10:14

GF I am on holiday over July but just wanted to let you know that I will be thinking of you and hoping for the best (-:

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