I'm new here and really, really need some advice on how to cope.
My DH left 2 weeks ago when I found out about his affair with his co-worker. For 2 months previous to that it was like he changed overnight from a loving, caring devoted DH to a nasty, violent (to house not to me), verbally abusive stranger. It was like he had no filter and couldn't talk to me nicely even when I begged him to remember who I was as this was so out of character for him.
He became secretive with his phone and came home later and later and I asked him many times if there was someone else. He always said it was all in my head and he would only talk about divorce and selling the house. I put it out of my head as he had always said the thought of infidelity sickens him.
After he had stayed away for a week, I checked his bag and found a diary in there, he had bought one for the OW as well and it was their plan to be together, I was physically sick and even when I confronted him, he denied it. He has since admitted that he is with her and I need to move on. He says he did nothing wrong as he had already told me it was over! I said I am not some gf, I am his wife and it is adultery.
I told him to go and he is now renting a room 40 miles away but I know he spends a lot of time with this OW.
Last year, in the space of 9 months, I had 2 MC at 10 weeks and 3 months. Our niece passed away suddenly at 9 days old and our other niece passed away at 20 months old. On top of this, I was told I was being made redundant and for 3 months thought I'd lose my job until the last minute when I was told my job was available for the short term. I have also been bullied at work by a manager for 7 months. My DH was supportive throughout and always told me to keep it together at work and bring it home to him to talk through. We were each other's strength and we agreed to try once more for a baby.
We've been together 11 years, married for 4 years and were best friends and did everything together. This has shocked everybody who knows us.
I have seen him twice since, the 1st time last Sunday he cried a lot - I still think he's having some kind of breakdown - he's lost so much weight and is having tests for a potentially serious health condition. He said he has to live with the guilt and he knows he's done wrong but we were broken and he couldn't fix it. I saw him briefly yesterday and he was so cold to me again without reason. He continually says "we're over, we're done, get used to it as I'm not coming back". He is so hurtful.
He now wants me to divorce him for adultery as he says he deserves it. I have no intention of divorcing him.
My family and friends are supportive of me but they are worried - and so am I. I have so much pain, both physically and emotionally and to say it hurts is an understatement. I can't eat or sleep and have lost a lot of weight which I couldn't afford to do really, it's not intentional, I just cannot bear to eat properly.
I have seen my GP and for the 1st time in my life am on ADs and am having counselling which isn't really helping. I have anxiety attacks and hyperventilate. I feel I am dealing with so much grief and don't know how much more I can cope with.
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Relationships
DH left for coworker - pain is unbearable
Whatnext074 · 28/09/2013 19:08
My mother says things like this (eg threatening me with SS when I had PND). I don't know your mum, or your relationship with your mum - obviously - but I don't know what she's thinking of to be so harsh. It's clear you've been hit very hard and she sounds very unsupportive. For now I'd stick with people who can support you iiwy - you don't need 'tough love' until you're stronger and can tell her to STFU . The Samaritans sound lovely, bless them.
Well done for managing the haircut - how is it? - and for going to the cinema. 
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Whether she cares for you or not, the bottom line is that she is being very harsh. She's probably been through hell and back again with your dad, and she has had to harden herself. It's worked for her, she probably thinks it should work for you. Only it hasn't worked for her, just made her hard. She probably thinks that shocking you will knock you out of your grief. Well, she's wrong.
My mum cares about me, but she's just got no clue when it comes down to it. Different generation? But that's making excuses, really. I'd give your mum a wide berth for the timebeing iiwy.
Here's some more flowers - for getting through each day, minute by minute
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