So shocked at my behaviour

[Cantbelievethisjusthappened]

Can't believe what just happened....

Bit of background. Dp and I have been together for 4 years and have ds, nearly 2, and dd, 4 weeks.

I was in hospital lady Sunday in agony which has since been diagnosed as gallstones. Was sent home with anti sickness pills and tramadol. But was advised not to take tramadol when on my own with kids and to be careful with it as can have a knock out effect.

Been fine all week and then tonight, I have another attack. Projectile vomiting and lots of pain. Took a tramadol and anti sickness pill and all calmed down.

Woke at 3am by dd who needs feeding. Feel very groggy and struggle to keep my eyes open. Dd messing on boob, on and off, on and off. For an hour. Dp asks if there's anything he can do and I say no. Then I ask him to pass my pump and have baby whilst I express (only feed on one boob). We use a flashlight during night feeds etc and I had it on as normal. Dp covers dds face and i ask him what he's doing to which he replies huffily "it's in her eyes". It was pointing no where in her direction and I said that. I also pointed out that we use it every night so why he's making a big deal of it now I don't know. He replied again huffily saying "well it's in my eyes"

I said that daylight is brighter on his eyes and to grow up. He told me to stop having a go and I said that I was feeling shit and groggy and he's behaving like a kid in assuming coz he's had to do something! He said the same again, stop having a go. I said well grow up. He said "if you say grow up once more I'm going to knock your face in", got up with dd and went towards the door, picking up a wet nappy and launching it at me full pelt hitting me in the face.

I felt humiliated and degraded. I went downstairs and told him to give dd to me. He told me to fuck off. I grabbed his face and he put dd down on couch and launched me on settee and put his hands tightly round my neck saying "you don't come down here and do that to me" I hit back.

Feeling fucking horrendous now. Like I'm some kind of abuser. Am upstairs with dd asleep on me. He came up got the duvet called me a piece of shit and went downstairs.

I can't believe I reacted like that. So ashamed of myself. :( thought I was bigger than that

[WayHarshTai]

Oh jesus.

Call the police, sweetheart. Tell them what happened and they will remove him from the house.

Please. They don't just hand out warnings like that without very good cause.

[microserf]

You are getting better advice than I can give from other posters, but please reach out to someone to help you in rl op, I am really worried for you and your children. Your first post worried me deeply, your last post has made me extremely concerned for your safety and the safety of your children.

[Tortington]

call the police. if you are bringing kids up i that environment, you are failing them.

getting it on record now will help with many things in the future.

[Twinkleandbunty]

Your posts scare me. You WILL fail your children if you don't press charges against this violent bully.
He won't just leave, you are going to have to do the right thing.
Be strong, for your children and for yourself.

[Cantbelievethisjusthappened]

But look what I did to him.....I am just as bad.

[Cantbelievethisjusthappened]

What if they take them off me coz I hit him

[ParsleyTheLioness]

You are not as bad. Don't let him make this your fault. You need to get him away from you x

[ParsleyTheLioness]

They won't take them off you.

[ParsleyTheLioness]

He has done this God knows how many times before. The common demoninator is him, not you. This bloke has serious issues with women.

[MissMarplesBloomers]

Can't why won't you involve the police??? They won't think twice about you retaliating in the circs.

Get the abusive fucker out of the house, or you leave with the kids asap. Ring WA.

If you involve the police you will start an official trail that will help you in future and get you back up, you do not deserve this.

IGNORE his texts but keep them to show the police. They have specially trained DV officers who can advise you.

[EhricLovesTeamQhuay]

Please call the police
You are not as bad, you are not bad, you are not abusive
Social services will absolutely not take your children away because you hit him, I promise

[Twinkleandbunty]

Violence is never acceptable, but you have recently given birth and was in pain. Don't let him condition you to make you feel guilty.
He is a twisted, nasty violent bully. Tell the police exactly what happened. I think you'll find they'll be more interested in a man with a history of violence towards women, rather than a woman in pain trying to feed a newborn who just lashed out.
Please do it.

[Badvoc]

Call the fucking police.

[Badvoc]

Your children are relying on you to protect them.
So protect them.
Call the police

[Twinkleandbunty]

OP, what are you going to do?

[Thumbwitch]

You are not "just as bad".
SS will only take your children off of you if you STAY with the abusive wanker because who knows when he might transfer his violent aggression to them - how old would they have to be for him to justify hitting them, hmmm?

Get rid of this oxygen thief NOW. You cannot seriously love him, surely?

[lazydog]

You need to leave him. His previous wife was being genuinely concerned when she warned you about his behaviour, not malicious. He's a serial abuser. If you don't get away from him, it sounds like it could so easily escalate much further. You need to protect your kids and your kids need consistency, so he should be the one to go. It sounds like he wouldn't leave without a fight so, yes, do get the police involved... He needs to be removed from the premises. He's violent and dangerous. To be honest, it sounds like he wouldn't directly harm your children (from the little you've written - only a snapshot) but it's 100% clear that you are not safe. If the police are involved you will be able to keep yourself safe and that's what your kids need.

[KoalaFace]

OP We're worried about you and your DC. We would come and get you out of this situation of we could. But it's up to you. For your DC and your own safety you need to call the police. They won't take your DC away from you. If you won't call the police in the very least get out of the house and find somewhere else to stay.

This is a very dangerous situation. Please be brave, even if you can only be brave long enough to call for help.

[Cantbelievethisjusthappened]

I'm going to stay with a friend. He's taken ds to nursery and I've asked him to leave the carseat so I can pick him up. Not told him we won't be here.he won't suspect I'm at my friends either. He'd think I was with a fellA before thinking I was at friends

[Tortington]

are you going to report to police?

[DropYourSword]

OP Please please listen to the people on here who are saying his behavior is terrible, unforgivable and you need to get out of this situation, for your sake and your kids. You have done NOTHING WRONG, you don't deserve to be treated like this and you shouldn't have to take this treatment from anyone.

[Thumbwitch]

Good. After you've left, call the police. You need to report this, even if you don't want to press charges - there needs to be some kind of record of his behaviour.

[Cantbelievethisjusthappened]

Will social services get involved again if I call police?

[WayHarshTai]

Not necessarily. Calling the police shows that you are protecting your DC, which is what they will care about.

You are being very brave, and you CAN do this.