I think I'm going to finish with DP

[Johnny5needsinput]

I'm a regular. Please don't out me if you recognise me. I am female the user name is from a film called short circuit.

I'm going to finish with DP. I feel sick.

Stay strong. Take a bath, watch telly, early night? Don't contact him!

You're a mind reader went to tesco for milk on the way home from his sisters and got reason on an offer and have the water n for a bath. And nice clean sheets on the bed.

RADOX. NOT reason.

I remember the aftermath of breaking up with an EA arsehole. Large amounts of time thinking what an idiot I'd been. My good friend just said "would you do it again" to which I said no. She pointed out that there was no point in beating myself up as life is about learning lessons and its only if you don't learn that you're an idiot.

Its so easy to get sucked in, but stand tall as you're not there any more and won't get sucked into his crap again.

If it just fizzles out like a damp squib, you've won. Keep your head held high.

Front door lock is changed and he never had a back door key so it doesn't matter if I don't get my key back. I think at his I have a pair or two of jeans, a couple of tops, pair of trainers and a pair of boots. Plus make up bits and obviously a toothbrush. I don't have CDs or anything coz all my music is on my ipad. Ditto DVDs. Don't really have anything of value there that I'd be annoyed to lose.

Would it help to start focusing on your new life and what will look like? This might help you to stop thinking about him and what you're missing.

Just read the thread I know I am late in but just wanted to say well done OP, you have been so strong and done everything right - great advice on here - glad you used the line about why you split.

He does sound very manipulative and controlling and I guess that may be why you have not heard from him - he is putting his own untrue version of events together and his plan of attack possibly. The fact you predicted at the start he would call you mad and unhinged says a lot. Name calling isn't nice - you have given detailed examples of things which is very different.

I can't remember who said this: Mine lied when the truth would have served him better. but this rang true for me - the lies would never end as they can't stop once a couple are told. So glad you don't have DC together but sorry for the loss of what you thought you had. It is great you have a good friend in RL to support you for her.

Others have said that your instincts will be right and the fact he has not been in touch really does say a lot - who, other than a strange person would not reply when someone ends a relationship with them - he knows exactly why you have and why the other two wives did?

The post about you feeling like you were being tested but didn't know the rules bit also stuck out for me, scary stuff I have been there - you will move forward, he will carry on being ultimately unhappy.

Thank you all.

I feel rather deflated and flat tonight - dd is busy with her stuff so I've had a bath and I miss him.

But so far I've not contacted him. What a coward he is. He didn't even hear what I had to say he ran away I haven't actually told him its over. I told his sister who he got to do his dirty work, but he hasn't actually spoken to me. Even that is weird.

No flags tonight and only a small glass of baileys. Which feels like a victory.

Someone posted some good advice on another thread with similar circumstances that the adrenalin may reduce after the initial action is taken and they may take a dip before moving forward to great happiness which may be the case for you tonight. Enjoy the Baileys in many ways him not speaking to you will mean you don't have to hear any more of his lies.
It is very doubtful he would ring and say - yes I lied about everything - I think he would just keep on lying and it would make you feel worse. You know you can;t stop him lying just stop the impact of that on you and silence seems to be a good thing in this case. You miss what you thought you had - you will very soon not like him/the person he really is, at all.

I'm so tired I think I could fall asleep on my feet

Yep - the adrenaline has done it's job and retreated OP - snuggle up and get some well deserved rest.

But he doesn't need to hear what you've got to say. He knows he's lied/misled you. You caught him out and you've ended it. That's fantastic, and please don't contact him. Move on and have a wonderful life.

Get to bed if you can. Your life has already taken a massive turn for the better.

Hope you are OK tonight OP

Remember, there's no point in hearing from him because whatever he has to say doesn't matter and won't change anything anyway

Stay strong

well done OP. It's a sign of what a coward and a liar he is that he didn't contact you. He must have not known which lie you'd discovered and feared it was so bad that he couldn't face the reflection of himself.

Of course he knew what you were going to say, but he didn't want to give you the satisfaction of being able to actually say it. So maybe, in his mind, he can twist the reality into him not technically having been dumped.

Have you heard anything from him OP?

Not a word. That's odd, isn't it?

No, I think it may still be part of his 'plan'. Stay silent.

It's his only power left over you. To ensure you still think of him and to have some last remaining control over your thoughts and feelings. Sad really.

When I was in my teens I was in a very emotionally/borderline physically abusive relationship and when we had a big row over the phone and I told him where to go I didn't hear from him for 2 weeks. By the time he rang me after giving me time to "cool off" I had got completely over him so that completely backfired on him. He was trying to manipulate me and failed. my mum and dad had bundled me in the car and taken me to cornwall. I cried all the way there. Was a different person on the way home. No mobile phone to torture myself with then so best thing they could have done.

This is my long winded way of saying he's giving you time to think and regret so he can just step straight back in with you all apologetic and grateful (or he's reading this thread and realises it's hopeless or he's a coward that doesn't want to face the music )

Did you get your stuff back?

You've got him out of your life now you are going have to give yourself time to get him out of your head. Often being with a manupulative person leads you to internalise their rules and prioritise their feelings. I get the sense you are still trying to second guess his thinking as second guessing him has been a survival strategy in the relationship e.g. oh I'd better tidy this away because X will make a fuss if I haven't; I'd better not do this because X won't like it if he finds out etc.

It really doesn't matter what he is thinking or why he hasn't contacted you. His feelings and motivations are now irrelevant to your life. For his own twisted reasons he has chosen not to contact you directly. He is trying to mess with your head because that is what has worked in the past; in fact he is doing you a favour because it makes it very clear that you have made the right choice.

Stay strong and think about what you want to do and watch out for anything that you are still doing that comes from his rules and control rather than from you.

Change your phone number, then you won't constantly be waiting for his contact, and you can just move on with your life.

Well done, OP!

It is odd, but it's control, I think. He wants you to be wondering what's happened and why he hasn't responded. You've done exactly the right thing x

Me and DD are at an engagement party tonight. I'm going to have to tell people why he's not with me.

ANd I've not heard a word. Nor got my stuff back neither. Nor my key.