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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I think I'm going to finish with DP

260 replies

Johnny5needsinput · 02/09/2013 18:14

I'm a regular. Please don't out me if you recognise me. I am female the user name is from a film called short circuit.

I'm going to finish with DP. I feel sick.

OP posts:
cloudskitchen · 02/09/2013 22:04

Have a good rest. I hope tomorrow brings a bit more clarity (and perhaps a locksmith!)

CookieDoughKid · 02/09/2013 22:07

F*going hell op. These are not small lies he blindly glosses over!! He sounds like a psycho and making you shower all the time? Seriously what is his problem?!

You got shot of him OP. Call a locksmith out chat thing and get locks changed. It would be worthwhile protection and you won't need to talk to him again!!

Fairenuff · 02/09/2013 22:18

Oh, and turn your phone off overnight (but keep it handy). I wouldn't be surprised if he bombarded you with texts in the small hours, pressuring you whilst you are vulnerable.

Original poster
Johnny5needsinput · 03/09/2013 05:57

Not a peep from him. Not texts, phone calls nothing. It's weird.

OP posts:
Original poster
Johnny5needsinput · 03/09/2013 06:10

I feel really scared. I thought he would have contacted me. Even if only to tell me how wonderful he is and what a big mistake I'm making.

OP posts:
PseudoBadger · 03/09/2013 06:27

It's probably a ploy to get you to contact him again, maybe with an "are you alright?" or to say you're so sorry. Please maintain silence.

Original poster
Johnny5needsinput · 03/09/2013 06:40

Thanks. I am. But it feels wrong.

OP posts:
Lizzabadger · 03/09/2013 06:45

It doesn't matter. Stay busy and don't forget the locksmith.

kittybiscuits · 03/09/2013 06:45

Yes, what pseudo said, Johnny. He knows he's busted. Not acknowledging you is the only way he can control the situation. I would deliver hia stuff to sister's - could you post it or have your friend delivery it? Keep being careful about your safety, though he may maintain silence. He's been here before, remember. It's not the first time he's been rumbled. Try and go out and do things rather than 'waiting'. And well done. You had a really close shave with someone really toxic. Great that you called it and acted x

kittybiscuits · 03/09/2013 06:46

Soz for typos!

Original poster
Johnny5needsinput · 03/09/2013 06:54

Thank you all. I was so worried last night you'd all think I was daft and tell me I was being over anxious.

OP posts:
Letsadmitit · 03/09/2013 06:58

Don't contact him again, considering his background history, he might already now what would the conversation be about. I won't be surprised if he is trying to make you aware he is the one calling the shots by leaving you hanging there.

The fact is that you want to end it rather than talk about it to sort it, right? If so, talking to him is a courtesy to him not something you have to do. Just count your loses (stuff at his home) and move on. Any further interaction seem to me it will be about him hurting you more. Just leave it.

CakeExpectations · 03/09/2013 07:03

Does he know that you use MN? If so, he probably knows what you are going to say already.

Maintain your dignity, and stay safe. Thinking of you.

Original poster
Johnny5needsinput · 03/09/2013 07:08

He does know I'm on here. What I've posted will identify me enough that he'd know it was me if he came looking. I don't think he will though.

OP posts:
Original poster
Johnny5needsinput · 03/09/2013 07:12

He is without any shadow of a doubt the most subtly manipulative person I have ever met. It's all done with a smile and concern but he manipulated me.

OP posts:
CakeExpectations · 03/09/2013 07:22

I've learnt not to underestimate the quiet abuser's capacity to stalk.

It's really good that your friend will be with you tonight. Try to relax then! Wine

BitOutOfPractice · 03/09/2013 07:25

Oh johnny I've been reading this with a growing feeling of alarm for you. He sounds vile. I am so glad you've ended it. Well done!

You know why he's not responding. He is using the "no answer is the best answer" tactic. It's devastatingly effective. It means that you are left wondering, worried, discombobulated. It is far more devastating than any reply he could think of. Subtly manipulative you say?

Be strong and maintain your silence now. Play the same game. Stay strong and bloody well done

Original poster
Johnny5needsinput · 03/09/2013 07:25

Quiet abuser is EXACTLY the right phrase for him. That's him to a T.

OP posts:
Original poster
Johnny5needsinput · 03/09/2013 07:26

Bitoutofpracfice - x-posts. You're right as well. He knows (or thinks) ill be second guessing myself.

Not anymore. He's out of my life. Because I've decided he is.

OP posts:
Letsadmitit · 03/09/2013 07:27

Don't worry, unless he knows your Mumsnet ID, the chances of him identifying you are practically nil, who has the time to go through hundreds of threads and thousands of posts?

Original poster
Johnny5needsinput · 03/09/2013 07:31

If he finds me on here, so what? I'm not the one who has lied. He is.

Grin you lot would make mincemeat of him

OP posts:
Original poster
Johnny5needsinput · 03/09/2013 07:33

Which I mean as a compliment and in a good way.

OP posts:
CinnabarRed · 03/09/2013 07:40

Just come to this, sorry I was out all day yesterday so missed it.

You're doing great. Marvellously, in fact.

Right decision, without a shadow of a doubt. Good for you!

Keep posting, we're here for you.

Stropzilla · 03/09/2013 09:34

I love your attitude in your last few posts! You sound like you've gone from being shakey and unsure to so firm and resolved! Nice one and yes we would make mincemeat of him. Sort of hope he has read all these great responses and is now wondering if real life people have him sussed too.

GrandstandingBlueTit · 03/09/2013 10:30

I feel bad, because he hasn't actually ever done anything violent to me.

So what? Violence isn't the only reason you can break up with a man. You can break up with a man for any reason you want. Indeed, for no reason.

Believe me, you have reason enough to break up with this man.