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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I think I'm going to finish with DP

260 replies

Johnny5needsinput · 02/09/2013 18:14

I'm a regular. Please don't out me if you recognise me. I am female the user name is from a film called short circuit.

I'm going to finish with DP. I feel sick.

OP posts:
Original poster
Johnny5needsinput · 02/09/2013 18:39

I feel like he's been putting on a front all this time. And now I'm seeing the real him and I don't like it.

OP posts:
VanitasVanitatum · 02/09/2013 18:39

And at least you've made this decision, it sounds like absolutely the right one. I think your friend might be right, if you phone him to do it and don't go alone to get your stuff he can't get to you with his lies and gas lighting.

TheCricketWidow · 02/09/2013 18:39

I've got no words wiser than the ones you've already been given but I hope things work out for you in the end.

AnyFucker · 02/09/2013 18:40

I have no idea who you are, but you cannot stay with a person like this. Get it over with ASAP

Original poster
Johnny5needsinput · 02/09/2013 18:41

Everything has to be his way. Shoes off in the house. Rubbish n the right bin and he will tell me off if I. Get it wrong. It's like there's a test all the time over stuff I don't even know about and I have to pass.

OP posts:
TheWomanWhoMisplacedHerHusband · 02/09/2013 18:43

What weird things to lie about.

Probably better off love

HerdyHerdwick · 02/09/2013 18:46

This sounds awful. Get rid at the earliest opportunity. In a case like this I dont even think usual break up etiquette applies, ie having to do it in person. Just do it as soon as you are able, by whatever means.

GilmoursPillow · 02/09/2013 18:46

I remember your previous (degree) post. It sounds to me like you are making 100% the right decision. I'm wishing you the very best of luck.

Original poster
Johnny5needsinput · 02/09/2013 18:47

Thanks everyone. I needed to know I was doing the right thing. Even though I know I am.

I'll ring him about 7. That's when I usually do. And end it by phone. I'm chicken. I know.

OP posts:
MexicanHat · 02/09/2013 18:48

I remember the degree post too. So sorry OP. We are here for you.

Catwoman12 · 02/09/2013 18:49

Good luck OP, I remember the last post, I hope your ok, xx

GilmoursPillow · 02/09/2013 18:49

You're not chicken. We can't do it for you but we are all here to hold your hand, you know that :)

Isabeller · 02/09/2013 18:49

How horrible for you. I cracked up after finding out about (some of) exHs extensive lies (over a long period) and had the same reaction of 'I don't know this person at all'.

I would disagree slightly with AFs early post about making sure he knows why you're dumping him. It may be mentally safer to engage as little as possible. 100% agree ASAP is the way to go. So good you have RL support.

Original poster
Johnny5needsinput · 02/09/2013 18:50

Thank you. Thanks and Brew

He's twisted. And weird. And. Don't know what he's at - what game he's playing. I do know his last wife packed up and left in secret and the first he knew was when her stuff was gone.

OP posts:
AllThatGlistens · 02/09/2013 18:51

I remember you OP, you're doing exactly the right thing, take your best friends advice and use the support she's offering you, he will only hurt you more and more if this continues.

Flowers
Original poster
Johnny5needsinput · 02/09/2013 18:52

I do, or did, suffer with anxiety when I was married. And I can feel it creeping back. And I'm not going to let that happen again. Not for me or DC. So even if only for that reason he has to go.

OP posts:
Topseyt · 02/09/2013 18:57

I know someone rather like you describe and I was just glad I was never in any direct line of fire from him. His marriage, relationships and everything else have never gone well or ended well.

You are doing the right thing getting out now.

AnyFucker · 02/09/2013 19:02

You finish it in the way you feel most comfortable with. In the light of your more recent posts, it may be best to not go into detail at all as to why, as Isabeller said, or stick to the broken record technique of "this is no longer working for me"

Very, very telling about what happened with his wife doing a moonlit flit, as it were. She must have been frightened of him. Don't let it get that bad for you. End it quickly while you still know your arse from your elbow (Northern term)

Original poster
Johnny5needsinput · 02/09/2013 19:03

He came home from work and all her stuff was gone. And she left him a note. He said he had no idea it was on the cards.

I should've taken more notice of that as a red flag really shouldn't I?

OP posts:
Original poster
Johnny5needsinput · 02/09/2013 19:05

Off to ring him. I'm just going to say its not working for me, like has been suggested.

On god.

OP posts:
HerdyHerdwick · 02/09/2013 19:06

Good luck OP.

WayHarshTai · 02/09/2013 19:09

Hey lovely.

Wine and hugs.

Lavenderhoney · 02/09/2013 19:10

Bit late to this, but if your friend does go round to get your things, make sure she takes a big mean looking bloke with her. Not you!

Sounds awful, but at least you know and are not putting up with it. Don't let him worm back in. Do you need to change the locks and tell your dc nt to let him in?

Original poster
Johnny5needsinput · 02/09/2013 19:11

No reply. I left a message just saying need to talk can you call me.

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 02/09/2013 19:12

You are doing the right thing. Let us know how you get on.