I think I'm going to finish with DP

[Johnny5needsinput]

I'm a regular. Please don't out me if you recognise me. I am female the user name is from a film called short circuit.

I'm going to finish with DP. I feel sick.

[cloudskitchen]

If he is behaving like this to you when you live apart I can just imagine how much worse that would become if your relationship went to another level. Its a shame more people don't see these signs as soon as you have done.

[Johnny5needsinput]

He hasn't rung me back. Which is unusual. Unless he's at the gym.

[cloudskitchen]

I would try and call again but then I'm a little bit ocd when I need to get something off my chest if no reply can you text and ask when he'll be back. Do you think he might suspect what you're going to say to him?

[ImperialBlether]

If a partner rang me saying they wanted a word with me, I'd guess they were going to dump me. Do you think he's realised that?

[Johnny5needsinput]

He knows from how I've been and what I've been saying that I'm not happy. I've been calling him on every single small lie for the last few days. He didn't like it.

[Johnny5needsinput]

I'm going to text him saying we need to talk, give him til the morning, if he doesn't reply then text telling him it's finished.

He has a key and I have a key to his and we both have stuff at each others houses so what do I do about that?

[akaWisey]

Get your mate involved for the collection of his and your stuff.

I know that 'dead behind the eyes' and under-the-surface-anger thing.

You know it's there, he knows and so does your mate. Keep safe OP and good luck.

[Johnny5needsinput]

I've texted him. He's read it (we have iPhones). No reply. And he's not typing one either because there's a wee speech bubble thing comes up if he's typing.

Guess that's it then.

[ageofgrandillusion]

Ive known a few people lie all the time about really pointless things, it really is quite irritating after a while. You are well rid OP and, compared to some people on here who are in it up to their eyeballs - house, mortage-wise etc - with abusive partners, you are getting a relatively uncomplicated escape. Not that that makes it easier mind.

[TheWomanWhoMisplacedHerHusband]

What does he say when you confront him?

If you were to say 'why did you lie about having a degree?' Or 'why didn't you tell me you were married twice?' What would he say?

[Clobbered]

Can I suggest that you get your locks changed tomorrow as a matter of urgency?

[Stropzilla]

Don't ring him don't chase him. Let him ring you and if he doesn't not your problem.

Unless you're on tenderhooks waiting in which case get it over with.

[Johnny5needsinput]

He closed out the degree conversation with "I'm not going to talk about it. It was the worst time in my entire life". After lying and telling me he'd told me. The marriage thing he says he told me. I know he didn't.

[Johnny5needsinput]

I was just thinking about the locks. He doesn't have a back door key just a front so I'm going to lock the front door and leave the key in it and go out the back. And get the locks changed as soon as I can.

[Johnny5needsinput]

How DARE he do this to me? Who the FUCK does he think he is to think he can do this to me?

He can stew in his own juice. To hell with him.

[ParsleyTheLioness]

You would have remembered the marriage if he told you. I married a liar, who was abusive in many other ways too. I recognise the barely contained anger. It is not possible to have a meaningful relationship with a liar. Mine lied when the truth would have served him better. Lying stops you knowing who they are from the very beginning. Mine lied for 20 yrs and I began to normalise it in the end. Do what I should have done and run for the hills, before you have a child together and are bound together for life.

[Johnny5needsinput]

I would have remembered a marriage. So, johnny5, have you been married before? Yes, once. You?

That sort of conversation I know we had right back at the beginning of us dating.

[AnyFucker]

This just proves you made the right decision

[Johnny5needsinput]

He would talk about when he was married and tell me things he'd done but they were always about his 2nd wife. He never ever ever mentioned the first wife. I don't think they were married that long, but neither were him and his 2nd wife. Which is actually a red flag for a man pushing 50, isn't it?

[AnyFucker]

For me it would be, yes

[cloudskitchen]

Yes and the fact she left in secret. I think I'd be more concerned by what you don't know about his first wife iykwim. What's he covering up there? (I'm not talking sinister but interesting that he just didn't mention her!)

[Johnny5needsinput]

God how much worse would he have got if we had married or lived together. How bad must it have been for his wife that she did a flit with no warning? Or did he just choose not to see the signs?

[Johnny5needsinput]

I know not a thing about her bar her first name. That's all. And he's had girlfriends that he has mentioned in passing. But none of them seem to have lasted much beyond a year-ish.

[Johnny5needsinput]

I'm so angry that he hasn't had the decency to answer me. Either my text or my phone call.

[WayHarshTai]

He won't respond, he knows he's been caught lying.

Please be aware that he's likely to get really really angry now.