I think I'm going to finish with DP

[Johnny5needsinput]

I'm a regular. Please don't out me if you recognise me. I am female the user name is from a film called short circuit.

I'm going to finish with DP. I feel sick.

You are most definitely doing the right thing. You don't have to give him reasons. You are entitled to leave a relationship at any point for any reason. 'Its not working for me' is more than reason enough.

It was such a stupid thing such a stupid series of small lies. How could he have thought I wouldn't find out and why lie? I don't understand. And then to make me feel like I was misremembering or off my rocker because I knew what he'd said was just so cruel. It made me doubt myself.

Be Strong . It will feel like a huge weight has been lifted from your shoulders once you kick this guy to the kerb . All the little niggles and doubts that leave you wondering if its you who is wrong about something or him will instantly end.

Take a hefty guy with you , he only has to sit in the car and be on speed dial if the need arises. Although if you do give XDP time he might take a pair of scissors to your stuff? Only you know if he will be destructive or vindictive like that.

Try to go instant N/C and block him on FB /email etc. Get a door chain short term and new locks in the near future , plus a spotlight that comes on automatically if you live in a semi / house.

Hope it all works out for you .

Can you just text him then switch off your phone (and have a large glass of wine)? You don't owe him politeness if he's been lying to you. You just need to get the hell out of the relationship.

Good for you. Get rid now.

I remember the degree and the photo. I have thought about it a lot - I can't understand why he would lie like that. Most lies are told to make someone think you're better than you are - that lie didn't make any sense to me.

How did you find out about the other wife?

Pathological liars (not saying he is one) lie for the sake of lying. It doesn't need to make any sense.

He told me about the other wife. He never hid what happened with her. He just kind of forgot to mention the one he had before her. She must have slipped his mind.

I remember your other thread, yes, you are definately doing the right thing - time for a fresh start!

How very strange. I'd say you're well rid x

I hope it goes as well as can be expected.

Mate, you're dead right. Bin it, you'll feel miles better immediately.

OP this is just the ticket you need to LTB. Sometimes, you can kind of get by with all the other lies/ behaviour because the good still - just - outweighs the bad.

In a bizarre way, although upsetting, it kind of makes decisions like this a hell of a lot easier.

Hold your head up high. You're doing the Right Thing. I had just this kind of gift from my Ex H last year, and I was almost relieved iykwim. It gave me permission to go.

Good luck x

Do I ring him again? Or not?

I think I remember your other thread. You are stronger than you know. This is so the right thing to do. Let him tell you you're wrong, mad, whatever. Just reply with keep telling yourself that, it doesn't make us any less over.

Your friend is a good one, keep her!

Just been to the shop and bought fags. Grr. And don't drink but have put a slug of baileys left since dear knows when in my coffee.

Don't ring him don't chase him. Let him ring you and if he doesn't not your problem.

Unless you're on tenderhooks waiting in which case get it over with.

He sounds a bit "Sleeping with the enemy" to me. You definitely sound like you are doing the right thing. Ex wives don't leave in secret for no reason. Very best if luck.

Sorry to sound stupid but can someone tell me what gas lighting is please?

Gas lighting is trying to make someone think they're remembering wrong.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting

grrrr !!! So pleased you discovered all this before you lived with or married him x

We were going to spend Christmas Day together. And DD is with her dad. Guess I'm on my own then :(

He's never been violent to me. Ever. But. This sounds weird. I always felt an anger under the surface. I was scared to do something wrong.

Come round to my house I will get you drunk It's traditional at Christmas.
Keep your chin up love It will be over soon enough.

I mean, I always felt an anger. Like he could be violent if I pushed him. Well, not always bit once the first few months of being on best behaviour were past.

It's a good way to think of this.
You are getting out before he has the chance.

Have you finished with him yet OP?