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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Putting 2+2 together and coming up with ....?

999 replies

Imonlydreaming · 12/08/2013 22:24

I can't actually believe that I am typing this but I am getting myself in a real tizz about this situation.
My DH has recently begun working a bit further from home and pretty soon after that he started to "stay over" first in hotels, and now in a work colleagues house. (A man if that makes a difference) 2-3 times a week.

The other day our phones were on the side and one of them went off - he said was it yours - not actually asking me to look at his but I did and he had a text that said "I love you xxxxxxxxx" - not from me.
He got up and came over when he saw me open his phone and said straightaway - I used to work with her. Then told me a story about another friend who'd done the same to him. I thought it was strange, but people do make mistakes like that don't they?

After that his phone has had a pass code on - which he told me was because someone at work had taken his phone and left it in a communal area - possibly as a joke. Perfectly plausible of the place he works at.

Today he was having trouble with the signal on his phone and I asked if I could have the number where he's staying and he said that his own mobile would work there. Not actually refusing to give it to me - said he'd do it later (but hasn't).

Well of course the reason I'm writing this down is that I'm suspicious - we haven't exactly been that physical recently - but with 2 toddlers who don't sleep through and lots of illness and other family issues/ illness it's just been a bad time.

Am I reading between the lines and seeing an issue that isn't there? I know that a bunch of strangers on the Internet can't tell me the answers. I just know I couldn't talk to anyone in RL and to ask him would open a can of worms - that I'm just not ready to face.

Thanks for reading.

OP posts:
Ollypops · 01/09/2013 22:05

De-lurking before the thread fills up to wish you all the best for the future.
You are a strong, powerful woman and will get through this Thanks

RubyrooUK · 01/09/2013 22:55

Could someone please also PM me the location of the new thread? Although I seem to spend half my time on MN, I don't know where to find it and want to keep offering Dreaming support and hopefully hear as she finds happy times again. Thank you.

Dreaming, still thinking of you and the twins a lot and hoping you are okay.

theancientmarinator · 01/09/2013 23:00

Also delurking before the thread moves to its new secret location to say goodbye Dreaming and good luck. I haven't posted before because I have no pertinent experience to share but I have followed your thread in awe and frequently tears. I know from your posts that you did not consider yourself strong enough to deal with it if your worst fears were confirmed - only a matter of days ago - but by God your behaviour since those fears were confirmed belies that. You have shown dignity, courage and considerable wisdom, not least in opening yourself up to the support of strangers here, and strength today in facing down the man who has caused you such pain. I know you will survive this because you have shown yourself to be a person who is able to adapt rapidly to changing circumstances, to listen to and weigh up advice and think through her actions shrewdly and carefully, and most of all because in this awful situation you have not shut down - you have opened up. You have managed to do all this while caring for two small children, and in the absence of the support most women would rely on from their Mum and their BF. You are a survivor, like grass is a survivor: you may be crushed but you will spring back up. One day, when you are able to catch your breath and look back over this time you will feel proud of what you achieved. As I and I suspect a great many other lurkers feel proud of you. Good luck.

mammadiggingdeep · 01/09/2013 23:04

Theancient........brilliantly put. Whole heartedly agree with every word. Dreaming, you've done yourself proud so far......continue doing what you're doing. One day at a time, one foot in front of the other.....
Wishing you luck...... Xx

DelayedActionMouseMaker · 01/09/2013 23:29

Can Someone pm me too pls. You'd think after 8 years I'd know where your talking about, but I can't find the new one at all!!

Absolutelylost · 02/09/2013 01:28

Me too please!

lately · 02/09/2013 03:12

I'm a newbie and would like to follow dreaming's progress. Please can some-one pm details of new thread. Thanks.

SocFish · 02/09/2013 05:55

Hi
I would love to know the secret location too please. Have been following this thread and am really impressed with how you're coping.
Thanks

ANewDoll · 02/09/2013 06:01

I have also been following Dreaming's progress. Can someone please help me find the new thread?

Thank you.

ElBombero · 02/09/2013 06:04

Me too, doesn't seem to be in relationships...

onedayatatime73 · 02/09/2013 06:56

Can someone please pm me the new location?

Dreaming - wishing you strength and inner calm this week. Have been following since your first post and I admire you. You are stronger than you think.

Jaynebxl · 02/09/2013 07:29

Me too please, have been wondering if there was an update.

shootfromthehip · 02/09/2013 07:58

I'm lost too- where have you all gone? Could you pm me if you know? TIA, shoot

LoisPuddingLane · 02/09/2013 08:13

Me too - can't find new thread.

davidsotherhalf · 02/09/2013 08:32

me too

Princess74 · 02/09/2013 09:11

I to have been lurking and following Dreamings thread, willing her along. Please can someone direct me to the new thread. Thank you.

ElizaCBennett · 02/09/2013 10:05

Another one here who has followed from the start but has had no valid advice to give. I have no idea where the secret place is, can someone point me in the right direction please?

Tiredemma · 02/09/2013 10:07

ive been following and watching dreamings updates (Dreaming it is amazing to see how 'strong' you are coming through in each post)

id like to keep up with whats going on so if someone can direct me I would appreciate.

best of luck dreaming

inhibernation · 02/09/2013 10:28

Dreaming is bringing all the lurkers/well wishes out Smile I'm also trying to find the new thread.

fiddlemethis · 02/09/2013 10:35

Yes, I'd love to find the new thread so I can keep up with how Dreaming is getting on, you are such a strong woman, I wish you all the best and your little ones too of course.

chansondumatin · 02/09/2013 10:40

Another de-lurking to wish you well, Dreaming. I don't have relevant experience to share or advice to give, but wanted to say how well I think you are handling this horrible situation.

Bravo and best of luck. I'd be keen to follow the new thread if someone could direct me to it.

loveisagirlnameddaisy · 02/09/2013 10:41

Me too. I've heard about the secret location before but not sure what that means. Would love to find out how Dreaming and her DTs get on.

shanelle5 · 02/09/2013 10:46

Only 2 more posts. Please make the last one a way for us to find said secret location so we can carry on, lurking, posting and willing on dreaming

gordonpym · 02/09/2013 10:50

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