Letting my partner sleep with other women

[Wanttopatchitup]

Hi All,

I know you will all think i am mad and a pushover but i wanted some honest opnions on something i have thinking about for sometime.

My husband of 12 years left me two years ago for another woman, i was broken, i did and continue to, really love him, he is my soulmate in everyway.

Although i know what he did was wrong, i do understand it as we very rarely had sex and i have allowed myself to become overweight, he isnt attracted to overweight women and so it caused a problem. I look very different now to how we first met he was very attracted to me intinally and our sex life was great.

I think also he struggles with no variety, i really think he would enjoy sex with another woman, but me as the love of his life, recently we have become close again and he wants us to get back together.

Im thinking of suggesting to him that we have regular threesomes (twice a month maybe) to stop him from looking elsewhere for sex and to reignite our sex life. i know this sound strange, but i would rather him to have sex with other women that i know about than he do it behind my back.

I think this would keep him satifised long term, if we had changed partner every so often to keep it interesting. Reflecting on my own behaviour in our realtionship, i do feel like in was partly to blame for his affair and want to make this work so much, as i adore him.

i suggested something similar a few weeks ago and he seemed very happy with the suggestion and felt that it would improve our marriage, he said that this is what every man dreams of, a loving wife who allows her man to explore sex with other women, without becoming jealous. he says that no love of affection would be involved for the other partner, just sex.

When he puts it like that it sounds like a sensible and forward thinking agruement- is it unfair of me to expect a young virile man like him to be faithful to me alone? and why should i be threathened by the fact that he wants to sleep with other women, he is a man and it is his biology.

Has anyone else tried something similar- did it work- or was it a disaster?? Im 36 he is 38 and we have no children, I wouldnt sleep with other men, it would just be women we would share our bed with............

Sorry about the spelling, bloody phone has a mind of its own!

One more thing...sorry, I'm like a dog with a bone when I get going...

You say ' I wouldnt sleep with other men, it would just be women we would share our bed with...' and this has been niggling at me slightly. It's as if your sleeping with men is out of the question for whatever reason, but that having a cast of women popping in and out of the bed will somehow neutralise your husband's rampant cock-drive. That seems to be the gist of it, that these carefully chosen and vetted but sexually adventurous women will neutralise your husband's desire to stray.

You do realise this won't work, don't you? It's like mummy giving him permission to be naughty - it won't ever be as exciting as being naughty and not telling mummy.

lois is spot on... with all her posts

i honestly will never understand why someone posts to asks for advice... then moans when others dont agree with what they think! why blooming post in the first place?

also its quite rare that you get posters that all agree with each other... that, op, should tell you something!

Please don't do this op. You'll make a bad situation far worse.

Don't risk your self esteem. This will only cause you pain.

Really, really think about how you will feel watching your dh shag another woman whilst your side lined after performing with her for his entertainment.

Aw thanks. I'm not in any way wise, but this one just shrieks ARE YOU MAD? If cock-driven hubby no longer fancies OP, having to watch him going at it with a lady would not be fun for her.

Threesomes have always worried me. Not for moral reasons but because I'd be worried that I'd get left out. If I was the centre of their lusts it would be ok, but if husband was more into ladyfriend than me, I'd sit and cry. It certainly wouldn't be a liberating experience, nor one that could make me happy by way of a sort of masochistic self-abasement, glorying in how much freedom I'd given him.

And in answer to a long ago question about there being more to life than sex - yes of course there is. But it's sort of the barometer of relationships I think. Or thermometer. You can tell a lot about a relationship by how things are sexually, and vice versa.

OP, if you can honestly say that for the rest of your life with this man (which could be 40 years or more) you would be happy to watch him humping other ladies (or other ladies humping him), then fine. That doesn't sound like a great life experience, to me.

A threesome can be fun. IF both parties (well, all three parties, obviously) want it. IF the man makes sure that he pays equal or similar attention to both women. And, in the case of a couple interacting with a third woman IF it is made clear that it is a couple playing with another woman, not a man "being allowed" to play with someone else and his partner watching.

In any case, it isn't as satisfactory as one-on-one sex.

Doesn't sound like this is what you have on your hands. It's more like you think you have to "allow" him do things. Would he "allow" you to have sex with other men?

Also do you really want this in your own bed? If you seriously want to go through with this then do you want it in what should be your haven?

10years or so ago, my DH and I started experimenting with threesomes, foursomes etc. It just sort of happened one night with friends, but throughout we checked with everyone else that we were all happy to keep going. We still do it now, and it's worked out fine for us. We're also both happy with each other sleeping with other people, but have boundaries (couldn't be with friends etc as there would always be a level of emotion / bond there, couldn't be the same person on a regular basis - I can fully separate sex from emotion, but believe that sleeping with someone regularly and frequently will always lead to some deeper involvement eventually... Etc etc)

However, we are both on the same level when it comes to sex. And we talk about it frequently enough to know that we're still in the same place. If either of us decided to stop, we would both stop.

But please, if you aren't fully into this then don't do it! It isn't just the few hours of a threesome, but all the visual thoughts afterwards too. You do sound as though you have some self esteem issues, as u definitely wouldn't recommend this for you. You will compare yourself to these other women, and if you have low self esteem, you will always come of worse in your eyes. If you're not really into women then a FFM threesome is going to be a very lonely, soul destroying affair. You'll essentially be sat watching your DP fuck someone else. It won't be an even split between you and her - he will make the most of her whilst he can. I would never ever recommend a threesome to a couple who don't have an implicit level of trust in each other and their relationship, and certainly not to a couple just getting back together for any reason, especially not because of cheating.

Aside from any of that, your DP sounds as though he is taking advantage of you, and is treating you very poorly indeed, I'm sorry!

Oh yes - another rule we have is never ever in our bed. And the couple we hook up with have the same rule.

Sorry OP, this is a recipe for disaster because you seem to be considering it only in order to keep your man happy. It's never a good idea to let a partner know how desperate you are to keep him/her, it gives him/her far too much power over you. While plenty of people do reject monogamy and find that swinging/threesomes/swapping make them (and the people they play with) happy, that isn't going to be the case here. It will also be pretty grim for any other women you involve in this mess: it's not nice to be the other woman in a situation you have been told is consensual, only to find the wife bursting into tears in the middle of it and/or the couple having a massive row when you are at their house in the middle of nowhere with no cab fare...

OP i seriously wouldnt do this. I separated with my wife a couple of months ago. She asked me about the possibilities of multiple partners, bringing in other women and men. Deal breaker for me, if your with someone then you want to be with just them and them alone. In the end my ex starting flirting to old boyfriends on the net and left me. But after being told she would like other partners its hard to let that go out of your mind.

But I suspect op has gone

I could never watch my husband touch another woman, it would destroy me and I know my DH would feel the same if he saw me with another man. Infidelity would end my marriage.

Please be strong and end things with him, he will never make you happy no matter how much you love him.

OP has gone off to browse availableminge.com

Actually OP, if you are absolutely set on this, why not just buy him the odd escort girl? She'll be (hopefully) clean and safe and there is little chance of his getting involved. I still don't think it will "neutralise" things though as you will be giving him permission, and I suspect permission makes it boring.

Sounds like your going to do it anyway so why have you even started this thread because nothing any of us say matters....

Get on with it, we'll be here to support when you realise what an arsehole dickhead cunty prick your married too@

But men have neeeeds...

Drinking fresh mango juice?

Fun, fun, fun!
In the
Sun, sun, sun!!

haha oh we are so sad

OP, what happens if he falls in love with one of these women?

What if one gets pregnant?

What if the reality of seeing your husband intimate with another woman turns out to be something you can't handle?

What if you catch an STD?

What if you decide you no longer want this arrangement to continue?

oh love, this seems incredibly sad. I'm all for couples doing what they want in their marriage, but the point is what they want, not just what he wants.

stay and talk if it helps, it's not mandatory to follow the advice given, good luck,I wish you could find the strength to only have him back on your terms, he cheated after all, he should be bending over backwards not you.