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Original poster

Letting my partner sleep with other women

302 replies

Wanttopatchitup · 12/08/2013 13:38

Hi All,

I know you will all think i am mad and a pushover but i wanted some honest opnions on something i have thinking about for sometime.

My husband of 12 years left me two years ago for another woman, i was broken, i did and continue to, really love him, he is my soulmate in everyway.

Although i know what he did was wrong, i do understand it as we very rarely had sex and i have allowed myself to become overweight, he isnt attracted to overweight women and so it caused a problem. I look very different now to how we first met he was very attracted to me intinally and our sex life was great.

I think also he struggles with no variety, i really think he would enjoy sex with another woman, but me as the love of his life, recently we have become close again and he wants us to get back together.

Im thinking of suggesting to him that we have regular threesomes (twice a month maybe) to stop him from looking elsewhere for sex and to reignite our sex life. i know this sound strange, but i would rather him to have sex with other women that i know about than he do it behind my back.

I think this would keep him satifised long term, if we had changed partner every so often to keep it interesting. Reflecting on my own behaviour in our realtionship, i do feel like in was partly to blame for his affair and want to make this work so much, as i adore him.

i suggested something similar a few weeks ago and he seemed very happy with the suggestion and felt that it would improve our marriage, he said that this is what every man dreams of, a loving wife who allows her man to explore sex with other women, without becoming jealous. he says that no love of affection would be involved for the other partner, just sex.

When he puts it like that it sounds like a sensible and forward thinking agruement- is it unfair of me to expect a young virile man like him to be faithful to me alone? and why should i be threathened by the fact that he wants to sleep with other women, he is a man and it is his biology.

Has anyone else tried something similar- did it work- or was it a disaster?? Im 36 he is 38 and we have no children, I wouldnt sleep with other men, it would just be women we would share our bed with............

OP posts:
Original poster
Wanttopatchitup · 12/08/2013 17:48

Yes, i suppose i am curious about how it would feel to be with a women, and i do fantanise about that.

Im going to think over all the agruements which have been kindly put forward by all of you, i understand that this may be hard for some of you to see, but for me ,my husbands happiness is paramount, and i am wiling to share him to keep him.

I enjoy being submissive to him in the bedroom and i suppose this is part of that

OP posts:
Darkesteyes · 12/08/2013 17:49

swinging you have just reminded me of something. 8 years ago the husband of an ex colluague said he wanted to see me for a job interview He wanted to meet in a pub (yes i know but i was desperate for work at the time) he wanted a quick fuck in the back of HIS van I sent him away with a flea in his ear. ( i was seeing OM at the time and even if i wasnt i still wouldnt have slept with this bloke. I used to work with his wife at a sex chatline office and she stood up for me when i was being bullied by another coluegue there. She was also the only one from work who came to visit me at home when i came out of hospital after an op. I certaninly wasnt going to repay her by sleeping with her husband.
Although she did once joke that her husband once said to her he would buy her a new sofa suite if she could convince me to give him a BJ Confused Hmm so there was something strange there.

Original poster
Wanttopatchitup · 12/08/2013 17:50

Just to clarify, i would never condone paying for sex, i would never support the sex trade ie sex slavery

OP posts:
Stropzilla · 12/08/2013 17:51

Submissiveness is fine, in OR out of the bedroom and I understand the D/s relationships but is this part of that? Is he your Dom/Master or whatever? Because unless it's part of that, he's just going to be using you as he won't understand. Of course his happiness is paramount, but that doesn't mean that he gets to overrule yours. Do you love him more than he loves you?

MissMarplesBloomers · 12/08/2013 17:51

Very rarely on MN do you get an almost total consensus of opinion, on any subject, but the overwhelming response has been NO.

You have come here asking for advice, it has been given, but because its not what you want to hear you are arguing??! Hmm

Go for it sweetie, if that's what you want to do & you REALLY think it'll keep you happy but please forgive many of us for sitting back & peering at you from behind our fingers, it is a car crash waiting to happen.

Good luck to you for you will need it.

MrsWolowitz · 12/08/2013 17:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Stropzilla · 12/08/2013 17:53

of course his happiness is paramount, but yours should be as important to him is how that sentence should have read.

Groovee · 12/08/2013 17:55

So if we can enjoy this together and it makes him happy why shouldnt we?

What about what makes YOU happy? In a relationship it's about give and take from both parties, not 1 giving and 1 taking!

joblot · 12/08/2013 17:55

Wow. Sorry but you sound utterly subordinate. Second class. I'm on a few dating sites and the couples looking for a woman- always a woman- look so sleazy and pathetic.

Go have an experience with a woman if you want but bleurghh to the threesome.

You seem to want to do it anyway, do come back and tell all

Darkesteyes · 12/08/2013 17:56

OP I dont think your self esteem or emotions could deal with it This man is taking advantage.
Show him the website CuddlyDating.com and tell him if he wants an open marriage then its got to be open on your side too.
Not saying to actually do this unless you want to but at least mention it and watch his reaction.

Layl77 · 12/08/2013 17:58

Wouldn't you prefer to just feel good about yourself? How sad to get to a stare where you are willing to do this! If its something you wanted to do and were this sexually adventurous your sex life/drive wouldn't have dwindled in the first place.
"He needs sexual variety" how about you "need a faithful partner" he's being a tw@t!!!! Read these messages from someone else's point of view without being defensive.

Chubfuddler · 12/08/2013 17:58

I just find it really hard to believe that of your free will you are up for a threesome with another woman when your husband has been unfaithful in the past, your sex life is next to non existent (actually surely it is non existent if you've been apart for two years) and you have body confidence issues. There is NO WAY I have the balls for a threesome and frankly I'm a log more secure than you sound.

It all smacks of desperation

Lanceolate · 12/08/2013 17:59

'I enjoy being submissive to him in the bedroom and i suppose this is part of that'

I thought you 'very rarely' had sex?

If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck...

Chubfuddler · 12/08/2013 18:02

Actually you're right lanceolate. The op may be a genuine poster on a nc but it could still be a sack of shit.

Or even worse this scenario could be real but the op is hoping mners will share salacious details of their bi curious experiments which she will then share with her creep of a husband

Urgh

specialsubject · 12/08/2013 18:03

So he gets threesomes and his house cleaned too, by someone who thinks the sun shines out of his arse. No wonder he likes the idea.

he doesn't love you, respect you, enjoy your company. All he wants is the sex. Now that's fine, but it's not a marriage. In fact if it keeps the roof over your head you ARE being paid for it.

it's not the threesome that is objectionable. It is the complete one-way-street of this relationship.

Please, have some self-respect.

swinginginmypast · 12/08/2013 18:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StrangeGlue · 12/08/2013 18:05

I haven't read the whole thread I'm just responding to the op...

Op in my limited knowledge open marriages or polyamory tend to work when they are the arrangement from the beginning or the relationship or something both parties want rather than as a cure for a problem - that your husband wants to have sex with other people. These arrangements need more trust in a way than a monogamous set up and you're starting from a place of mistrust.

I'd think very carefully before embarking on this.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 12/08/2013 18:11

but for me, my husbands happiness is paramount, and i am wiling to share him to keep him

What about your happiness? What exactly is he doing to save your marriage? He did the cheating after all.

So far, it's all about him. He knows you'll do anything, so he can behave however he wants, because you're letting him.

PramQueen1971 · 12/08/2013 18:14

OP why would you see a prostitute as a 'sex slave' and not yourself? At least she's getting paid for fucking strangers.

BOF · 12/08/2013 18:15

Apart from anything else, it just doesn't sound very practical: I can't see either of you being able to pull 24 nubile hotties a year willing to shore up a troubled marriage, and most of the ones ok with that will have ishoos that make you two look like you have the spiritual serenity of the Dalai Lama. Paying someone at least three hundred quid a month won't change that either.

You'd be better off spending that money on some therapy for yourself so you can understand why you are even entertaining this idea.

lottieandmia · 12/08/2013 18:16

I would hate to be in a relationship with a man who did not desire me. Why on earth are you willing to settle for this? It's not real...Sad

MegaClutterSlut · 12/08/2013 18:19

I agree with pretty much everyone else. Of course your husband is very happy about it, he gets to shag other people!

You sound like a right 'walk over' and so desperate to make your husband stay with you and he knows bloody well knows it. I find it very sad tbh

clam · 12/08/2013 18:23

You're trotting out clichés about how threesomes could work out, yet saying things like "my husbands happiness is paramount, and i am wiling to share him to keep him" just screams that YOU DO NOT WANT TO DO THIS!!!!!

timeforanothernewname · 12/08/2013 18:26

OP.

For context: I am bisexual, I have had successful open relationships previously, as things stand at present I can only envisage open future relationships. I tend towards sexual submission, most of the time.

I hope that reassures you that I mean it when I say - based on the info you've given here, do not go there. This man sounds like a selfish prick and you sound like you care about his happiness to the exclusion of your own. :(

Original poster
Wanttopatchitup · 12/08/2013 18:29

As i have said quite a few times, im not a troll and dont want to get my kicks off listening to other peoples 3sum experinces, i simply wanted your prespective, and i have it!!

I will go away now and mull it overr, tbh if my self esteem wasnt low before it ceratinly is now after the beating ive had! :(

OP posts: