The Dating Thread - episode 61

[lurkinglorna]

BOOM!

Nora cause my education/and language education was all over the place growing up i think i mix speaking styles a bit too much....

"one does not do things that way, INNIT"

oh, and I definitely won't be texting, see if he says 'I will call you' it puts you into a waiting position, unless too much time has passed. That's what I don't like about dating - waiting for someone actions, but what can you do? I don't want to chase. Already made a step of giving him my number.

OWW that's a lovely post - Kitty listen up! You are DEFINITELY the prize, no question.
Lots of promising dating on here, good effort everyone!
3rd date, could be 'Dinner', I'm going in, wish me luck...

Good luck Mama and Kitty exactly what OWW said

I think the weekend date does like me x he tested me this am saying hope you cleaning that car and I replied saying you said you'd do it I got a text back saying if you do it it will take longer so means I'll get to spend longer with you !

Kitty what OWW said is spot on. When you've had difficult times or had someone treat you badly it is so easy to start to accept those crumbs when actually you deserve so much better. You sound lovely, you get to chose whether someone is good enough for you, treats you well, is reliable and values you. We really have all been where for all sorts of reasons we've put up with less than we deserve, it takes time to build up our self worth but its the best thing any of us can do. This thread has really helped me and I'm sure lots of others too x

Thinking back, I'm surprised by how much my confidence was knocked by my relationship with my XW. Not that she meant to, and I'm sure I knocked her confidence too - that can quite often be the case in the situation where things break down because you just don't like each other that much.

But I'd got to the point of thinking 'well women in general won't like me because I do X, or because I don't do Y' when instead I should have been thinking - 'well some women will like me BECAUSE I do X, and don't do Y' - then it got to the point where I was thinking I wouldn't like women who liked Y and didn't like X.

Now I just realised I'll like some people, some people will like me, hopefully I'll find the nice little bit of the venn diagram and she'll also have a nice smile. But it took time to get there. I don't want the crumbs and I think people shouldn't have to settle for mine. Although now I find there is a subset of women who actually want to hoover mine up. How odd.

Kitty - you're a nice person. You come across as someone who worries about whether they're good enough, and the point is - yes you are. Everyone is. You may be right for that group of people for whom you are right - but for them you, and only you, are perfect.

It just takes a bit of time to find them.

oww 'I didn't even think about dating for eighteen months after I split up with my ex, he had done such a number on me and I couldn't believe anyone would ever want me again or that I could have a relationship.'

Oh yeah this! I know I'm in that headspace still a bit kittykat and not setting boundaries properly which is why I am staying with the fwb thing right now. Which can also mess with your head a bit as obviously you have to let the boundaries down a bit just to sleep with someone!

Juliette what wise words and lovely women/men on here. Agreed this thread has really made me think about what I am comfortable with, what to accept and how self esteem is so important... mine is very wobbly and I think because of that I know I have to be very careful not to take shit and be used (hence wariness of Cityboy who is nice but fundamentally just after Fun)

Other OD news- my best friend has just got engaged to a man she met on Match last year, so made up for her she has been through hell and things are now really turning around for her.

My self confidence hit rock bottom a few years ago to the point I was considering an over dose, I got a dog who helped me so much , confidence grew met some one who in many ways I'll always however I know he was nasty at times I think immaturity on his behalf didn't help, it was silly things like being told you stink or when asked if I looked ok being told they be looking at the New baby not you. But after he dumped me he used me for sex I was stupid enough to think he liked me still , so wary now

bloody hell kitty I think we may be the same person... apart from the dog! I'd love one but have to commute a fairly long way to work and sometimes stay over in term, so it wouldn't be possible.

yeah ex told me I was crazy, aging, 'getting old too fast', 'would never do better than him' 'should be grateful' etc etc. Jealous, needy, moody, took my money time and energy...used me for sex and money after split just like yours.. and I still sort of miss the bastard! Unbelievable. I felt such an idiot for putting up with him, still do.

It's no wonder we have confidence issues. Got to be kind to ourselves and as Juliette says see ourselves as the prize not them (although I really know what you mean when you say you don't feel much of a prize, I don't either although rationally I know I'm as good as anyone else).

I do find btw that OD sometimes batters your self esteem but its also been useful for me finding out that I am in fact not ugly/aging/crazy/a nightmare (at least not in everyone's eyes, LOL) and seeing the weird variety of people there are out there. It can be stressful though as it's all so 'surface' so much of the time and people dissemble. Plus I've felt guilty myself for 'mucking people about' when I changed my mind about them etc.

he was my first bf I guess I thought it was ok to be messed around I think the night he had sex with th h me and then said I got what I wanted hurt the mo s t

ugh Kitty, yuck he sounds vile.

We deserve better than these wankers, remember that! Also better to be single than with a wanker!!

He wasn't all bad n we still speak now and again but he hurt me emotionally and physically , the physical he never new about just had problems down below after lost virginity

No I guess they are never all bad... I was always going on to people that my ex had a good side.. my dad said 'yes and Hitler was kind to animals' LOL

Lol very true least I damaged the walls on my way out

Whoever starts off the next thread (can't believe it's that time again!) could we have The Rules please?

Wine you are going to get up to no good at all Enjoy it. I am a great fan of Scottish men now you know.

"better to be single than with a wanker!!"

EXACTLY :)

Kitty - and everyone else - you are the prize.

Yes, rules would be good - just so we all remember! Lovely post earlier, OWW :)

Re. footballer, we have agreed that we want to meet again.... He is having difficulty borrowing a car so we can't meet where we met last time... I have offered to drive to his town (not far, and I can combine with shopping, not a problem at all)... He said he'd think of a place to meet. Still waiting, and getting a wee bit impatient!

Jesus kitty what a prize knob your ex sounds like. Well rid!

MrT turned up, we had a lovely time, though he does continue to talk rather alot. I've been on holiday for a week and he never even asked whether I'd had a nice time, or anything about it.

MrFlash does have a 12 yr old DD, maybe I should ask if she'll be there and see what response I get. That might make him realise it was an odd idea. Though tempted to do it anyway. Surely they are as safe as they are with strangers in tesco? Or am I bonkers for even considering it?

I'll do it

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