The Dating Thread - episode 61

[lurkinglorna]

BOOM!

bant what on earth?! So women are so grateful for Coffee they clean up after?! Cheaper than getting a cleaner in though...

Bant you must have been impressive

Dutchie has a cleaning thing, makes me feel very uncomfortable. His place is spotless until I get there.

Someone I know NOT ME SADLY who was into the BDSM scene got contacted by a guy who wanted to be her slave, cleaning for her (naked) was part of the "job description" he was offering. Also running errands for her AND her friends, very selfishly she decided not to take him on!

Hello hello. You've all been so chatty the last couple of days I haven't been able to keep up - sorry! (The loo cleaning thing is odd though - I don't even like cleaning my own loo. Maybe I should go out with a Hungarian..?)

Anyway, quick update. Went out for a drink tonight with SnS - who I am renaming the Foodie. Was feeling really tired and a bit jaded, almost couldn't be bothered. But so glad I did - he is really lovely. Better looking in person than in his pictures, lovely speaking voice, nice, smart and kind of sweet. And we both said we definitely want to see each other again. So

yay for Foodie yogagirl. Always a VERY nice surprise when they're better than the photos with good voice, body language

dr pashing has not texted to confirm tomorrow.

skip dream might be over, guys

(seriously, i think as it was a bit of a "zany spontaneous thing" we had, i'm not too fussed. i'm skipping town soon enough so if i fall in love it'd be amazing but its just collecting adventures for now)

Yoga excellent, really pleased for you!

I would be overjoyed if a bloke cleaned for me.

yoga

Well, Mr RL is being just plain fabulous. I can't wait to see him as we've both said how we feel but until we see each other I suspect it might be a little bit odd. I am decidedly impatient!

Hi Juliette & Kirsty - how's it all going for you? I believe you are all loved up now Kirsty..?

Lorna - "skip dream might be over"...maybe for the best!?

Yoga

Lorna - maybe Bant's hungarian could clean it first?

yoga

i wonder if any smug married types are reading this thread and tutting....

hi everyone, just dipping a toe on this thread, having just met a guy through OD. Sorry if it's selfish to just wade in and ask for opinions, I haven't read the thread in detail. Obv if I stay (i.e. this goes further or I do od again), I will catch up. Just watn to ask what's normal re contact after first meeting.

Unlike most of my other OD attempts in the past (many months ago now), I actually liked the guy, and it really LOOKED like he liked him. My question for now is, how long does it generally take a man to phone you after the first meeting, taking into account you liked each and instead of an hour ended up chatting for 2hrs quite easily? (I'm not usually like that unless I get on with someone). We have alot of opinins and tastes in common and generally felt nice and relaxed but also a bit excited. And of course liked each other to look at, to whatever degree.

We started online contact 2weeks ago and he became very enthusiastic about meeting up and tried to speed it up but we both went on trips away, and being a bit jaded I wasn't in a rusj anyway. Just before meeting he did suggest talkign on the phone as he's been waiting 'so long' - I asked does he think 2 weeks of messages and also being away, is long? he said, not so much that, but too long without talking on phone. I don't give my number until I meet someone, so I just said I'm not a fan of chatting before I meet, and prefer just to message and meet (previous people were ok with that usually). So after the meeting he says, well, phone me if you like or text me, I enjoyed your company.

I wrote to him Sunday lunchtime saying I thought it went well (yes, a bit reserved, but that's me) and gave him my number, knowing he'd rather talk - thought he'd be really pleased. He briefly replied saying that yes, he aso thought it went well, and that he will call. It was Sunday and he told me earlier that he wasn't going to be busy at all. I was fully expecting a call same day (maybe evening) as it wasn't a working week, and ime men who get excited on first meeting like to phone as soon as they get your number and a 'come on' - and he was SO impatient before. Well, no call either Sunday or monday.

He's either liking me and decided now to play it cooler (like I was doing), or I'm completely deluded that he liked me a lot as I thought. Or maybe it's a usual thing to wait afew days to appear not to be a panting puppy or something ? I did say before we met that l didn't like pressure of too much expectation when he was saying he couldn't wait - but it was because he didn't mmet me, AFTER the meeting I do want enthusiasm. Maybe he didn't get that, but it's only logical. What's normal - I really only have been on a couple of dates before where there was mutual attarction, and those two were in contact daily either by phone or online.

I just hate it when men play it cool deliberately after a warm meeting, it just makes me feel stumoed as to what I'm supposed to do - I'm not the type to lead in these things, but it's no sign for him to be all cool. Sorry for v.long post! I realise it's quite trivial/not a real problem, and he may even call tomorrow, but wanted to see how others behave.

'like he liked me' of course, in 2d paragraph.

beagles

hi

I'd say just leave it for now, it's hard to read men's, or anyone's minds?

you've indicated interest after the meet by e-mailing him, the rest is out of your control now?

he might call, and i hope he does but also he might not.

i've found with OD, its easy to have 1st meets where you both get on really well, like each other, but things don't go further for whatever reason?

personally i've turned men i've been attracted to and got on with for 2nd meets (or not replied to contact, let them drift away) because

1. i think they're attractive but i'm not 100% into them and i don't want to lead someone on by setting up a 2nd date and hurting their feelings

1. i've met someone i like better or someone i dated the previous week has popped up, or an OD contact i've been having for the last few weeks has arranged a meet and i want to see how it goes with them.

1. there's something that doesn't quite suit me about them (which is probably VERY personal - not their fault and they're not unattractive)

1. i have a mysterious lifestyle thing going on which i can't share with a stranger i've just met, but means i'm unavailable for that reason

and similarly i expect guys have done the same to me?

i know its hard, when you like them of course you're bound to care and it is a bit when you don't meet someone you like that often. but don't care "too much"?

good luck if you've got further contacts to develop, i'd develop them or keep on at the site meeting new people. don't put all your money on this guy.

thanks lorna , I was embarassed at my long post, amazed someone replied already!
I know not to care much of course, I don't really care, but just a little bit - mainly I'm annoyed that he was showing and saying hiw impatient he was and all enthusiastic, and the meeting went better than (I) expected, but I think he was attracted, judging by all the signs, so it's annoyong more than anything, that suddenly he decided to play it cool.

And in these instances wherer you don't want a second date, do you encouragethen to phone you (as he did with me)? probably not. I did reply when he said he enjoyed it , that I did, as I was conscious that I came across a bit aloof before, and for that reason I wroyte first, even though I said to him, that he could also write to me, not just up to me to phone (in a smiley way). Just a bot strange. But I get it when you say that something might have sounded rong to him, and while in my company he may have been not paying much attention due to physical attarction maybem but on reflection thought something wasn't quite right for him (we do haev a 15 yr age gap for one, but he looks younger than his age). Anyway, i'll report if couple of years now (you want to know, whether it goes anywhere. I've done OD before quite a bit, but always a few dates at a time and then no Od for long time, so I know the general rule not to build up any hopes, but I haven't met anyone half suitable for couple of years now as anyone who liked me or whom i liked, weren't single, so a no-go, so obviously was very surprised that I met someone single and with mutual attraction - it's like hen's teeth for me! so yes, was hoping it wil all go easy and smooth, but here I am, already askng advice .

ps I'd say often in my experience "I enjoyed your company"

"see you later", "had a lovely evening", "stay in touch", "i really liked you" or even inviting you to extend the evening, doing the standard date stuff like guy paying or seeing you home or suggesting you stay longer (or even if i kiss the guy) hasn't always turned into "a 2nd date is going to happen"?

attraction and chemistry can happen, but then not everyone capitalises on it. especially in OD where often i'm one of a few options for a guy, or he's one of a few options for me.

the only check/guarantee that i'm going on 2nd/3rd/next date is when its actually arranged and i'm there?

about, not at

beagles post away! i quite like the OD process in general, but it can be quite foxing a lot of the time! no shame in asking advice.

i think also don't beat yourself up for contacting him first, or thinking you might have said something off or whatever? things often are WAY out of our control. you had a nice date, fingers crossed he'll be back in touch, if not you had a nice time and keep an eye out for something equally nice!

yes, he may well be seeing others before deciding anything, which is fine, but he wasn't lukewarm during the meeting, more like really warm, so I thought he might give it a go a few dates and ten go back to meeting others if it's no good - I'd do that.

But you are right that men have much more and better options with decent attarctive women online then the other way round, so he may be spoilt for choice! He already had a relationship lasting a year from OD, which only finished 3-4months ago, and I was going to ask about it carefully next time or on the phone. Maybe he even wants to have a series of short relationships rather than commit, bt could sense from me that I wanted more (but then I didn't hide that in my profile which he 'really liked').

So did it happen in your experience, that someone didn't contact straight away, but then did later, and it went well? Ime older men are quite impatient!

thanks for good advice btw, especially 'keep an eye out for something equally nice!', that's exactly the right attitude, and nice to be reminded!

Aye, its a tough one on "what to do" - do you play the multiple dating game assuming that others are doing the same, or do you concentrate on one person at a time?

I don't think there's an ideal solution really, everyone dating seems to have moments at times

finger crossed anyway, hope he calls! good night