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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is valentines day making anyone miserable :(

154 replies

Festivefly · 10/02/2004 12:39

I know i know i shouldn't even be going there but this week is making me really depressed. I can't get the thought of my x and his new love having a fantastic first valentines day. He was so great on valentines day and it is making me sick thinking of them having a wonderful night and then making love. Why do these horrible thoughts come to you. I am so jealous i hate her (and him)

OP posts:
beetroot · 10/02/2004 12:40

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Original poster
Festivefly · 10/02/2004 12:44

Wine
Sex
Dancing
Romance
Being in love

No chance

OP posts:
Galaxy · 10/02/2004 12:44

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beetroot · 10/02/2004 12:48

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Fizog · 10/02/2004 12:49

I'm not having a 14th this year, I'm going straight from the 13th to the 15th.

Do you have any single friends? perhaps a nice girlie night out (or in) lots of wine and gossiping.

If I had internet at home we could have had a date on here!

Galaxy · 10/02/2004 12:54

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Original poster
Festivefly · 10/02/2004 12:59

Thats the best offer i've had fizog cheers

Galaxy i know people have it worse hey, sorry about your mum, it does make you try and be grateful, sometimes i'm sick of being grateful, i want to moan curl up in a ball and sulk That is horrible seeing a photo, vomit inducing.

Beetroot all my friends are in couples can you believe that! Serves me right for being so happy with someone, they used to moan to me

It doesn't help that i have just spoke to x and he said why haven't i found a man yet. He is in love and she loves him so why can't i manage it.He suggested that perhaps the problem lies in me and i have to change the bits that are unlovabe. He was so arrogant and full of himself very chuffed that he has found "the one"

OP posts:
oliveoil · 10/02/2004 13:06

"Change the bits that are unlovable?"

Tell him that you did, and 'they' were him.

The cheeky git.

Or tell him you want to raise your standards this time round.

Original poster
Festivefly · 10/02/2004 13:12

Wouldn't work if i said that he'd say well you obviously haven't

OP posts:
Galaxy · 10/02/2004 13:14

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Helsbels · 10/02/2004 13:15

I was dumped by an ex on Christmas Day after I had given him all his presents. He had met someone else on Christmas Eve whilst I was working. The good news was that about 6 months later when he had fallen madly for this other girl she sh*ed his best mate and then dumped him in a pub in front of all his friends. It still makes me smile 10 years later to think of the look on his face... Anyway, there will be someone out there for you ff if and when you want them. You will have happy valentines days again.In the meantime console yourself with the FACT that if they do it for you they will do it to you. He may have had good days but obviously he had more bad ones. Keep smiling, everything will work out for you.{{{}}}

beetroot · 10/02/2004 13:17

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Original poster
Festivefly · 10/02/2004 13:21

Helsbels, it sounds good that last bit, but i don't understand it, will you explain, i want that empowering message

Oh i know you weren't galaxy, you just made me think how much we all take for granted

I just hate the thought still, if i'd thought after 8 months i'd still get upset i would have been quite shocked. But i suppose the first of everything makes you think about the year before.

I keep saying to myself he left you 6 weeks after your son had heart surgery, F@ck him

OP posts:
motherinferior · 10/02/2004 13:22

He is a arse. He really is.

Original poster
Festivefly · 10/02/2004 13:23

I wish i'd had all these quick witted comments when i was on the phone to him, i did say well at least i'm having space to think and not just basing my life around sex. He said you can't plan when love happens it just happened to him. Sensitivity is such a strong point in him

OP posts:
handlemecarefully · 10/02/2004 13:26

FF,

There will be some time in the not too distant future (when the rosy lustre of new romance has worn off)when your ex and the woman who is his new love, will have their first real row etc, and your ex will think fondly, whistfully of you and wonder whether he did the right thing....

Take some small satisfaction from that admittedly tiny crumb of comfort.

Original poster
Festivefly · 10/02/2004 13:26

I get it now helsbels. What a b@st@rd christmas eve, i am in severe danger of becoming a real bitter man hater, if they weren't so bloody sexy

OP posts:
Original poster
Festivefly · 10/02/2004 13:28

Handleme, i love little crumbs of comfort, especially fantasising about the day when it dawns on him what he gave up. It won't though, not while he's with stupid name

OP posts:
Galaxy · 10/02/2004 13:30

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turnupthebass · 10/02/2004 13:31

what an arrogant, self-congratulatory w*er!!!

definitely better off without someone that obnoxious I would say!

Helsbels · 10/02/2004 13:33

Some men (and some women for that matter- but usually men) are just not strong enough to be on their own, they are terrified of not meeting anyone else. These people are usually serial adulterers. They always have their sights on the next main chance. A lot of the time they genuinely can not help it, they are weak, frightened and although they come across as being confident, a lot of the time they have very low self esteem. This is not always obvious even if you know them really well. When the initial frantic sex bit has worn off (and it always does - it's genetic) these people have to look for the next thrill. Satisfy yourself with the confidence that you are stronger than him. While ever he is getting to you through his comments and actions you are weaker than you should be. You have friends and you come across as being a genuine person. The only way to move forward is not to look back (until you can look back and smile at how happy moving on has made you) Valentines Day is one stupid over commercialised 24 hour period of which you'll be asleep for 8 or 9 hours. Try to get it into perspective and wake up on Sunday and do something special - if you have kids try and go to the park and feed the ducks or go for a walk for a friend or if you are on your own make the most of the time and have a lovely long soak and pluck your eyebrows. Have confidence in yourself, FF, feeling this way is just feeding him and his ego. {{}}

Galaxy · 10/02/2004 13:34

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Original poster
Festivefly · 10/02/2004 13:34

Galaxy, so whats the male point of view then, does he feel bad, foolish any conscience, or are my deepest fears true? (poor thing you have to love them when your related, my brother is an arse too)

OP posts:
Helsbels · 10/02/2004 13:35

By the way, agree FF, I love men - couldn't be a man hater - even if some of them are complete kn**s!!!

scoobysnax · 10/02/2004 13:35

write a list of 5 things you hate about your ex...

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