Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is valentines day making anyone miserable :(

154 replies

Festivefly · 10/02/2004 12:39

I know i know i shouldn't even be going there but this week is making me really depressed. I can't get the thought of my x and his new love having a fantastic first valentines day. He was so great on valentines day and it is making me sick thinking of them having a wonderful night and then making love. Why do these horrible thoughts come to you. I am so jealous i hate her (and him)

OP posts:
Slink · 14/02/2004 13:27

Did a pg test this am and it was negative really thought i was pg dh said why did i do it hello i think i'm having a phatom pg.

Slink · 14/02/2004 13:28

Did a pg test this am and it was negative really thought i was pg dh said why did i do it hello i think i'm having a phatom pg. So valentine can come and go for me today & i didn't get a card

Original poster
Festivefly · 14/02/2004 13:29

Has he not been nice either slink?

OP posts:
Slink · 14/02/2004 13:34

He has been fine he just thinks well you should know if you are or not. and it doesn't help i told him as he was leaving for wk i just feel so sad i keep hoping maybe i still am 27days since last period????????

nutcracker · 14/02/2004 13:38

I will keep my fingers crosed for you Slink

Slink · 14/02/2004 13:47

Thanks nutty think it be a no show though i have p pain.......

Original poster
Festivefly · 14/02/2004 13:52

Keep positive slink

OP posts:
Original poster
Festivefly · 14/02/2004 14:33

I've just got flowers delivered

OP posts:
beetroot · 14/02/2004 14:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Festivefly · 14/02/2004 14:37

The card says, because you are loved as a good friend

OP posts:
beetroot · 14/02/2004 14:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Festivefly · 14/02/2004 14:44

I know i'm an ungratefull b@tch

OP posts:
eidsvold · 14/02/2004 20:51

ff I have not read this thread fully but wanted to share.... as someone else said that badge just sums up what a total infantile tosser your ex is.... and at times you may think fondly of him but remember the badge... in public ...ewwwww!!

Secondly - my exdh, left me for best friend - had been having an affair with her the whole time we were married... I was absolutely devastated and it took me forever to get over it... I am grateful there were no children involved ( she was also married)

However - one day when I was moaning my aunt woke me up by asking how long I was going to let him dictate my life... I siad he was not - she replied everytime I gave over energy to even think about him then I was letting him have control. It took a while... it is easy to remember all the good times - but as you did your list I too did one and realised as much as it hurt - I was sooo much better off without either of them.

It took almost ten years and a move across the world ( not a suggestion ) and I found my now dh who was worth every minute of the wait. I now have a fabulous husband and a gorgeous dd.

Yes it will hurt for a while - especially when he is rubbing 'happy families' in your face... mmm makes me wonder how great it is.. that he needs to constantly go on about how great it is... but then

eventually one day, you realise that you and your fabulous boys have a wonderful life..... minus a man who thinks he is amusing wearing a badge that says ' my dick hurts'

puhlease.........

wobblyknicks · 14/02/2004 21:01

FF - this is my first valentine's alone and I'm feeling a bit down about it but then I think of the other 300+ days when nothing special would have been happening anyway and I would have been stuck with my horrible dh.

Just be glad you're doing what YOU decided to do in life, not what the romantic dream tells you should be happening. And rather than being stuck with him for another V Day, you're just another V Day closer to finding someone who will truly make you happy.

nutcracker · 14/02/2004 21:02

Dp has spent the whole day moaning about these gulible (spelling ??) people who spend loads of money for nothing.
Several times today i have just wanted to smack him round the head and say WAKE UP, can't you see that you are p***g me off now.

wobblyknicks · 14/02/2004 21:03

Sorry nut!

nutcracker · 14/02/2004 21:18

Well it's my own fault Wobblyknicks, i should of got rid of him ages ago, but i just haven't the guts

wobblyknicks · 14/02/2004 21:20

Do you want to talk about it nut? Remember how I felt this time last year and this year I'm single (when the divorce comes through!) and things seem so much better and clearer. Not trying to advocate divorce but if you want to be out of your relationship, staying in it is only wasting your time and hurting you.

wobblyknicks · 14/02/2004 21:22

Nut, I should have got rid of my dh before I even married him but it took me nearly 4 years of marriage instead, and I think I only left then because of dd. So I know how much guts it takes and I really feel for you.

nutcracker · 14/02/2004 21:29

I should of got rid of him ages ago, after dd1 even, but no i went on to have 2 more kids with him. Don't get me wrong, i love my kids to bits and don't regret having them, i just regeret who their dad is

wobblyknicks · 14/02/2004 21:30

nut, sorry for being too blunt but what's stopping you?

nutcracker · 14/02/2004 21:33

Errm, good question. Money, being on my own, having my kids hate me, having to listen to everyone saying 'i told you so'.
I know they are stupid reasons, and i know that me and the kids would be better off without him, but i just can't seem to get the message through to him. He knows how i feel.

wobblyknicks · 14/02/2004 21:36

But surely he wouldn't choose to lose you, so you have to make the break, even if he doesn't want to. I know the reasons against it can be overwhelming, thats why I stayed with my dh, but in the end you have to do what you want to. Your kids will survive and they'll see what a great mum you are, and they won't hate you. Just think of the number of people who resent their mums staying married when it caused more upset than a split would have.

nutcracker · 14/02/2004 21:40

Your right actually. I was really happy when my parents split up, because i was sick of living with their arguments e.t.c. Me and my dp don't even argue anymore, i just don't speak to him at all unless i really need to.
I just feel liked i've really failed my kids, and myself. This isn't the life i wanted for any of us.
I also wory alot that i'd never meet anyone else. I can't see many men being interested in me once they know i've got 3 kids. I'm only 25, i don't want to be on the shelf for the rest of my life.

wobblyknicks · 14/02/2004 21:45

well nut, without wanting to reveal too much, I'm younger than you and ok, I've only got one baby, but the difference between having 0 and 1 is much bigger than between 1 and 3! I feel like I've failed dd and the life I've got now is very far from the life I wanted and planned. But it's here now and all I can do is accept it and try and make it better. Don't think that you've already let your kids down, just look at your life from now and decide what would be best from now on. If staying with your dp is letting them down, that's a huge reason to get out. Also, you need to be in control of your life, then you can make it into what you want for yourself.

Yes, finding someone else is much harder with kids but it seems like single mums look down on themselves far more than anyone else ever does. Yes, there'll be people who don't want kids and so couldn't be interested in you, but there are many more people who will like you for who you are, and see your kids as a part of you and an added bonus.