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Original poster

The Dating Thread - episode 60

999 replies

Djangounhinged · 31/07/2013 17:21

If I may?

OP posts:
Original poster
Djangounhinged · 31/07/2013 17:22

The Rules

  1. Develop a thick skin;
  2. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
  3. It's all BS until it actually happens;
  4. Trust your gut instinct;
  5. People vanishing, lying and being generally weird to you are not your fault
  6. They should be trying to impress you
  7. If it's not fun, stop
OP posts:
AWarmFuzzyFuture · 31/07/2013 17:23

Of course you can D

Should have read, ' ...Time to crank up mail a man a day'

Rules please someone....

AWarmFuzzyFuture · 31/07/2013 17:23

Trust me to make a mess...Thanks D

lurkinglorna · 31/07/2013 17:24

Place marking! over here! Smile

Original poster
Djangounhinged · 31/07/2013 17:24

So WFF, the German. I wouldn't put too much store in his answer to the length of relationship he expects... Who can tell at this stage? You may be the one to change his mind :)

OP posts:
JulietteMontague · 31/07/2013 17:27

WFF he's attractive, it's a shocker I know so never mind what his answers you can still just shag look at him. What's not to like?

lurkinglorna · 31/07/2013 17:28

Its been a long time since I used Okcupid but I wasn't the biggest fan of all the questions? Just seemed a bit too....like you're answering stuff that might change, or people could misrepresent themselves to appeal more or something? I'd rather just suss someone out through 1-1 contact.

I agree with D about the length of relationship time. If you get a good connection then given that its a transient globalised world, who knows what might happen? Just take things one step at a time.

Original poster
Djangounhinged · 31/07/2013 17:29

Juliette Grin

OP posts:
purestcocoa · 31/07/2013 17:33

Hi all
I'm joining and getting comfy. I've decided this is the summer to start dating again. As well has losing weight and eating healthy. I can see you have been messaging for some time. Can I just jump in? Is there anything I have to say to catch up?

I'm on match and have just started emailing a potential. Other than that it's early days for me. The rules are awesome. I may have to stick them up in my home somewhere- drum it in Grin

AWarmFuzzyFuture · 31/07/2013 17:36

I won't hold my breath. A least I've messaged a man today, most of my messages have been to the my OKC vipers Grin

I am messaging a chap just for the hell of it, he is nice, a musician type, but at 276 miles away, the German is actually closer.

AWarmFuzzyFuture · 31/07/2013 17:37

Hey pure Smile

Kirstywirsty · 31/07/2013 17:40

Marking my spot.. FoF is being absolutely lovely .. Seeing him again on Sunday and Monday .. And I concluded missives on my house today finally a year after moving out of the marital home .. Onwards and upwards!!

bant I think you know it's not a goer with Aruba and the sex won't be any better next time

snape I am the only one unsure about the pizza .. It reminds me of Miranda's 'I love you' cookie in the first SATC movie

WFF I seem to have missed this German .. Spill!

Sorry head is all over the place to remember what else is going on .. Hello to everyone else and welcome cocoa

lurkinglorna · 31/07/2013 17:41

hi purestcocoa Smile

Yeah just get stuck in messaging on this thread? I only joined it recently myself and I now post loads of shit do feel fully involved.

It does move quite quickly, and I think sometimes I'm posting in the "dead- hours" and no one else is around, or vice versa, but I just speed read the last few messages and try and reply to whatever I can.

bigstrongmama · 31/07/2013 17:48

WFF - I answered a few months to a year to the next relationship duration question, but really who wants to put longterm or one night, even if that is what you want? If there was a 'dunno, see what happens' option I'd have gone for that!

Thanks for all the advice - second date is starting at his, out for dinner and drinks, and then, er, staying over at his (that's not good, is it?!)...it was his idea, but I did have other options to choose from, and there are good reasons to stay at his rather than elsewhere (time together, free, and I'm very nosy).

I'm pretty sure he doesn't expect to dtd this weekend (I'm not going to anyway). Innuendo is funny and lighthearted not direct, and if I'm honest is not onesided either, so think he probably is a gentleman...

bigstrongmama · 31/07/2013 17:55

And Bant, if I was Aruba, I would want you to take me out for dinner, tell me something has come up (hint at secret agent type dilemma), it's not you, you are amazing ly strange, it's me... Lots of hugs, no sex, so long and thanks for all the fish

Bant · 31/07/2013 17:58

Sorry mama but I'd be hard pressed to believe he's not planning for sex. Starting out at his, taking you for a meal, drinks, ending up back at his, he's planning or at least hoping for a seduction.

He may be a gentleman, but if he's straight and fancies you, he's probably hoping for a bit of action

Original poster
Djangounhinged · 31/07/2013 18:01

Welcome purest! The rules are great - and another tip you'll see on here time and time again is: have a few potentials on the go if you can, so if one disappears, it's no biggie. And another tip: tell us how you're getting on :)

Kirsty that's fab news all round :)

And strong, that all sounds good - just remember that you (and he) are not expecting to DTD.... ;)

OP posts:
Winefiend · 31/07/2013 18:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bigstrongmama · 31/07/2013 18:09

Haha, django I won't have a problem remembering because it's, um, the wrong time of the month. Sometimes being a woman is handy, because otherwise I have very little self control!
Bant, he has promised to be a gentleman...am I a sucker or what?

DadfromUncle · 31/07/2013 18:39

I tried OKC before - I answered 100s if the questions but it didn't help, and I came to realise that I'd like more space to explain the answers - or ideally a chance to chat and explain. In theory would give something to talk about, but as I couldn't find anyone to talk to, it was a moot point.

DadfromUncle · 31/07/2013 18:40

Purest welcome - I only joined this thread yesterday.

ALittleStranger · 31/07/2013 18:55

Bant I am v against the idea of using the kids issue as a reason to break up with Aruba. I get you're looking for a "good" reason, but I don't think this is as nice as it seems.

It feels unnecessary to discuss this on the fourth date. You're still working out the basics about each other like her real age. It would be a valid reason to end things further down the line, but after three dates looks odd a blatant excuse. It's also a lie. I realise you're trying not to look a shit who shags and runs, but that's not actually what you're doing whereas actively lying does make you a bit of a git. Even if she's "only" 38 I this is probably playing on her mind. If I was her, someone dumping me because they didn't want kids would just ignite all those thumping fears about running out of time. I'd rather it was a "just not feeling it" situation. I guess what I'm saying is don't mess with a woman with biological clock issues, it's a fragile place to be in. Plus what if she says she's happy just dating and is seeing other people too?

lubeybooby · 31/07/2013 19:05

Hello thread 60

I am still all :o

It just feels lovely and solid and grown up and not a single red flag in sight nor a hint of any happy sigh

Gladder than ever that I never settled for less. Any of you that remember my cosmic order about two years ago, and BC wall all the points on it bar one or two... I gave it another read (it was still on my windowsill in a book) and Henry is all of them! Every single one. All sixty three detailed requirements Wink no wonder we get on so well...

Bant · 31/07/2013 19:07

Stranger - I hadn't thought of it like that. I'm still of two minds as to whether to finish it or not. The sex wasn't amazing but as I said it was a first time. She laughs at my jokes which is always a nice feeling. She's attractive. She's a bit strange at times but that could be nerves. And as I think she's stopped insisting Craig David is a musical god, I've sidestepped that.

I am looking for something long term but to be honest wouldn't pass up a short term thing if its right for both people.

Argh. Decisions.

ALittleStranger · 31/07/2013 19:21

Well in that case definitely don't say anything. Why not just treat the fourth date for what a fourth date is: getting to know each other a bit more, finding out what's nerves, seeing if the sex gets better, etc etc. I think you're putting too much store into the risk of shagging and running. Besides if she does get pissed off for that she'll probably put it down to some awfully rude British dating style and you can use anthropological dating mores to absolve yourself.