My marraige is over...

[Lemmingswife]

I know it is for the best, but I am hurting really bad atm & keep thinking of my poor babies.

LW... your friends opinion of H will probably be the first of many such opinions. When I got divorced loads of people said things like "what took you so long" and "I cant beleive you stayed with him for so long" You may get the same response too.

Many of my friends had come out about ym X years before but things like this do remind you of the problems you have gone through adn how much you have tried LW!

My Xs half sister (who hates him and his family)reminded me the other night that I had spent the night before my wedding crying adn saying I was doing the wrong thing. She laughed at me and said it has taken you 16 years glitter to finally do the right thing and divorce him!

LW this is good though as it means you are fully awake to his bad points. ALso he has obviouslty stopped being mr nice guy again but I am sure that person will return.

Only one more day and you see your solicitor!

He has not isolated me from my friends, but my friends seem to dash home as soon as he enters the house!
I was saying how he has this nicer side & is very popular & my friend said that he is only nice to who he chooses though & she thinks he is a very unsociable bloke. She is very right there - he only speaks when HE chooses!
She asked how sure I was when I married him, that I was doing the right thing & I told her that by that stage I was very unsure that I was doing the right thing, but knew my parents had spent a lot of money & organised lots, so I felt I had to go through with it. I was also 2 months pregnant with DS1.

My H has a group of friends. He was a real mans man when I first met him & would always put his friends before me. He still has the same group of friends - some of which are real idiots!
His friends think he is wonderful, but I think only one of them has offered to have him stay.

When I went to my friends last night, she asked if I could take round an old diary I had found at my Mums from 1992, as it would be good to look back on what we were doing then. (I kept a diary when I was young & wrote everything in there)
In that year I was 19 & I had a 2 month relationship with H. I knew he was a real bastard, but I had forgotten how bad he was until I read back on that period of time. I was shocked & read a few bits out to my friend.
I hated him for four years following this, but I had so little self esteem & had been messed about by so many men, that I ended up letting him back in my life when he came begging & pleading & promising me he was a different man.
Reading back, I had such huge, huge warning signs & I felt kind of shocked with myself for ever allowing him back.
Still, I guess it is not worth beating myself up too much - I am a very different person now!
Have felt a bit low in general today. The situation I am in is starting to really get on top of me & I am noticing DS is very much a loner in the playground again, which I found upsetting. He started to make such improvements earlier in the year.

Am glad I am seeing solicitor tomorrow!

Yes good luck with that LW! I always feel better when I have been to see mine and he has sorted my head out adn been very very practical. Also he hates my X with a passion!

Thanks, GF.
I have what is meant to be my last counselling session at 12:00 & then solicitor appt at 3:30pm, so it will be quite a heavy day tomorrow!
I will start a new thread to let you know how I got on. This thread is rather a long one now!

LOl I am waiting for two weeks today to start a new thread and the first post will be ridiculous in length I amy get the world record!

Hope it all goes well.

looking forward to it glitter

and LM, good luck tomorrow xxx

Thank you, Beetroot.
Really hope all goes okay for you, GF.

H is upstairs. He is not going out tonight.
Have a horrible feeling that he is not going to go easily & I will get another excuse in 2 weeks time.
Hopefully the solicitor will be able to advise me.

Make sure you stress to the solicitor that the situation is intollerable (spelling)
Ask directly if there is anything they can do to get him out.. and explain that he said he would move out when the house went up for sale.

Also... keep your chin up girl, you have come so far and are coping so well. stay strong.

I will tell all to the solicitor, spangles. I am hoping they may have some answers.
I was thinking today that I wouldn't be suprised if H agreed to divorce just because he felt wounded that I went to see a solicitor & was hoping I would beg him that it wasn't what I wanted.
He now realises I am very serious & is trying everything to try to regain some control of the situation.
I could be wrong here, but wouldn't put it past him.

The problem is he has had years of seeing what he wants to see, and trying his best to make everything as he wants to see it.
He probably has got the message, but is refusing to accept it because it's someone else's decision, not his. He must know by now that you wouldn't have resisted the emotional blackmail from your parents, or held out through putting the house up for sale, unless you were deadly serious. But I think you're right, he's been refusing to accept it and waiting for you to break down.

How little he knows of what changes you have gone through!

I hope the visit to the solicitor jolts him - perhaps the solicitor could send him a letter outlining your wish for a divorce, and the suggested terms asap?

I think you should push to be able to have enough capital / equity to buy.

Is this the second solicitor you are seeing or the first? I have got myself lost.

It is the second solicitor, Blu. I gave up on the first one, as I could never get hold of her & she still hasn't sent me the letter that she promised.
This one offers a cheap rate for your first visit too. I checked that out when I made the appointment this time!

What a lot I am going to have to cover with my counsellor tomorrow! Don't know if I will fit it all in, in an hour! It has been 2 months since I last saw her & so much has happened since then!

Good luck tomorrow LW.

Re. H trying to regain control - this would not be unsurprising. In the past, when you have been hurt by him, you have probably cried, blamed yourself, etc. Now the coin has dropped, and you have decided enough is enough and it's time for you to move on. It's hard for you becaues the 'centre of your life' has just been removed. However, despite the fact that he doesn't treat you in the manner of someone who loves you - you are also at the 'centre' of his life. The way he has bullied you and treated you is part of his routine and probably important for his self-esteem. And suddenly you have removed that. And he has no control over it. So of course he is going to react by trying to 'win' you back (or intimidate you, or be so bloody awkward you may change your mind, and so on...)

For once, you are calling the shots. Don't let him take that away from you. Be strong. I guess you are in your late 20s-30s. If so, with any luck you have another 50 years of life to live - make those years happier ones.

Take care.

Thank you both.

Smellen, your posts are very illuminating and thought provoking

LW - maybe we should all text your H's name to Davina and she will evict him!

Really hope tomorrow is good. Thinking of you. xxxx

Hope all goes well today at solicitors and councillors LW, If only it was that simple Blu that we text H name to Davina... if the public knew what he had been doing to you he would get 100% of the vote the shitester

Thank you
Oh if only Davina could evict him!!
When I went into the lounge before going to bed last night, he was asleep on the sofa & there was some horrible porn channel on the TV. Maybe these are the kinds of channels his mother doesn't have!
Will report back later as to how I get on today. It may be early evening before I get on here, as I have to go shopping for bits for my BS party tonight.

thinking of your and good luck. x