My marraige is over...

[Lemmingswife]

I know it is for the best, but I am hurting really bad atm & keep thinking of my poor babies.

If you can't remember some, you only need to trawl through your posts on here - all beautifully dated for you .

Well yes, I was thinking that! It would be easy enough for me to track down all events, as they are all on here!

He is now angry with me because I didn't make out to my Mum that he is working all day today.
Tuesday is the token day that she has DS2 & she phoned this morning to see if she was required.
I made out that H had done his nights as normal, so needed to sleep this morning, as he told me to make out he had gone to work, as he could do with her taking care of him due to viewers this morning.
When I told him that I had made out he had done his normal nights, he huffed & puffed and said "Oh no, you should have said I was on 12 hours. I am meant to be going out to play snooker with my friend this afternoon!"
He is cross because she will expect him to look after DS2 from lunchtime, when he would normally wake up & I have spoilt his plans.
He told me that he wouldn't be around to look after DS2 this afternoon & that is that.
Is it me, or is he starting to really take the p*ss here?

I have told him that I will be home be 3.30ish & surely he can wait until then, but he is having none of it and is cross with me.

Write it down. Write it down. It's all evidence of his lack of commitment to your children. That drinking and snooker are more important to him. That he will do anything to disrupt your life and plans.

And why on earth are you covering for him re your mum? If he chooses to bunk off work, then he has to deal with the consequences, not get you to tell lies for him.

Sorry if this comes across as blunt but why are you asking 'is this me or is he taking the piss'.

YES HE IS TAKING THE PISS

I understand that you have been conditioned to do what he asks and that it is tough for you but you are lying and making excuses for him.

He is not going to change. You are the one changing. You have to start getting tough when you see the solicitor or you will be stuck like this for a very long time.

He is using your children as a weapon to get at you and to exert control over you.

Leaving him to sort things out wiht your mum may make her think about how hard he is to be with LW!

He is taking the piss big style and agree with all freckles excellent posts.

I know it was wrong to cover for him like I did. He had told me I was to do this & I guess I am still a little scared to turn round & say "No" to him, for fear of the consequences.
I didn't ask my Mum to have DS2 for the whole day as he wanted me to though, so he had to collect him at lunchtime, which he was very angry about.
He went out as soon as I returned from work.

I will start writing all these incidents down, Freckle.

Hi LW, he is still calling the shots I see. Roll on Thursday when you see the solicitor and make sure you write down all the things you want to say so your mind doesn't go blank when you get there. Kathlean is right he is taking the piss and you know he is and glitter made a good point... let your mum find out what he is really like. He hasnt kept his promise to move out... He makes my blood boil but I see you have to try and keep things sweet as its you who is stuck with him for the time being. stay strong

I know he is taking the piss & has been for weeks now, but this morning really annoyed me. All he cares about is going out with his friends. He hasn't even got work, but still will not take care of his own son.
He then has a go at me for not making out he is working 12 hours so that he can have the entire day free.
I realise that I should have left him to sort out his own dirty work, but I still have this sense of fear around him. I know I shouldn't now, but it has been kind of built into me.
I didn't back down after he got angry with me this morning & make up yet another excuse so that he had the entire day free though, which I probably would have done once.
I will try to toughen up more.
I am going to start to keep a note of all these things though, as I feel his recent behaviour is out of order.

LW you are doing nothing wrong and you are so right we are conditioned over years to respond in the same old way breaking the habit or pattern is really hard work.

You did really well to respond the way you did when he got angry so focus on that and builing on that and dont beat yourself up about doing the same old thing as you knwo you do not have to any more.

I do know what you mean, FOTM. I shouldn't feel fear of his reactions anymore, but all the time he is still here, for some reason, I still feel that sense of fear & try not to make him too angry.
I know that is silly & I will try to get tougher.

lol FOTM.. I used to do the same when I finally stood up to the bloke that bullied me at work, I used to imagine him naked with a really small penis... It made me smirk every time he was near me and he didnt bloody like it

He is behaving like a complete and utter bastard. I think you should tell him calmly and firmly, that if he is still living in the house, he still has to take care of his domestic responsibilites, and since he is not, you would like him to move to his mothers immediately.

And that if he is too scared to tell his mother what has happened, you will gladly do it for him. It can't be worse than the horrible business with your dad, can it?

In any case, he needs to tell his Mum v soon - she may bump into your mum, or H's friend, or anything!!

Oh, LW, you don't need this. Bloody man!

But just think....you have set the clock ticking. This is exactly why your relationship has come to an end....and however slow, the end, and your freedom, is on it's way.

XXXXXXXX

aaaauuuurgghhhhhh BLOODY MAN

sorry, i can't help myself, i feel so furious with him on your behalf! hope he can hear me!

Blu!

He is being a bastard atm & I am getting fed up with his behaviour. It is impossible living like this.
He SO needs to move out. He is spending most of his time with this friend, so I don't see why he is putting off the big move.
I agree that he needs to tell his Mum very soon. His Mum may be upset, but nothing will come close to my Dads reaction!

Love the penis story, spangles!

Well, he's back now & I have phoned a friend and I am now going out tonight!

Went round to see a friend. She thinks H is playing games & will keep stringing me alomg.
She said that she has always had her doubts about him, since he two timed me both in the early days of seeing me & the year before we married and because of what he did when I went back to him many years back.
I guess I have just been very stupid. There is no other word for it.
I am tougher now though & will try to sort this mess out.

Message withdrawn

BIG mistakes, essbee!

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Totally agree esbee!

The way H is behaving atm is reminding me of how he was when I very first went out with him & I can't believe I was ever stupid enough to allow him back in my life & then go & get married to him!
Speaking to my friend last night & being reminded of past incidents has kind of brought it all back to me.
It seems my friend has not thought too highly of him for years, which I didn't realise until last night.