My marraige is over...

[Lemmingswife]

I know it is for the best, but I am hurting really bad atm & keep thinking of my poor babies.

Think you should go to your sister house this weekend. And if you come back and find your kids at the pub, take a picture and use it in court as evidence of his bad parenting. See how he likes that.

This man is pissing me off and I don't even know you or him. But I do know he is not a very nice guy.

This morning I told him that I was getting fed up of him making out he is leaving on such a date & then coming up with an excuse as to why he can't possibly move out then.
I asked if he was only told about his friends MIL staying, yesterday, or if he had some ides this may be happening before hand.
His reaction was "I was only told about his MIL yesterday & you don't have to make me feel worse than I already do about the fact you can't wait to get me out. Well don't worry, because I will soon be out of your hair & you will only have to see me when I pick the boys up."
He has turned it around again to make me feel like I am being horrible & trying to push him out.
I told him that it was horribly hard living with him in these conditions & having him around a lot while knowing that we are no longer together.
He said "Well don't worry, I will soon be gone & you won't have to put up with me anymore"

Yes, but not soon enough!

Don't fall for the guilt-tripping. He could have ghone to his freinds two weeks ago, and then his freind wouldn't have found it so simple to let his MIL come to stay!!

You're right - he's trying to turn it around again and make you out to be the baddie and him the poor innocent waif.

Does he think you find it hard having him around because you are so sad to be parting, and can't bear the trauma? If so, I think that is what he is trying to play on...and make it so unbearable that you beg him to try again.

I normally take the boys with me to my sisters. It is only because my sister thought it would be nice for me to stay at hers & for the two of us to go out together in the evening that I asked him if he could have the boys. I haven't been out with my sister on her own for a good year.
He then said that I could go, but would have to be back by 12pm, as that is what time all his friends go to the pub & if I wasn't back before then, I would find my boys in the pub.
I have to catch a train & it will be a Sunday service, when they run at odd times.
Not sure it is worth it.

I think he probably is, Blu. I think he feels I may change my mind & is trying all different approaches.
He has been very quiet today & has phoned in sick, so not to do his night shift tonight.
Maybe it has suddenly occured to him that I am not changing my mind here.

He is not so sick that he cannot go to the chuffin pub though!

The more signals you can give him that you absolutely will not change your mind, the better, i thnk. All this flopping about having time off work (YOU haven't had any compassionate leave, as far as i can remember!!) - perhaps you could suggest to him that if it is affecting him so badly, he needs to get it over and done with?

Or suggest that it would be braver to deal with the reality of the situation and start living apart? He won't like any implication that he is no brave, will he?

I bet he is thinking himself deeply into a victim situation, as that will fel safer than facing up to the fact that he really has treated you and the bioys badly enough for it to have come to this. But of course, for him to be victim, you have to be cast as the baddie. Don't fall for it - the baddie outfit just isn't suited to your figure!!

Good point re the pub!

I mentioned to him this morning that I have worked throughout all this. Infact I went to work the morning after the marriage ending talk, after sleeping for all of around 2 hours!
His response was "Well you are much braver than me!"

I think you should document that he requires you to take the boys so he can start drinking at 12:00.

He is at the pub again atm. I have just had to show some viewers around our house.

Viwers seemed to like the house too. I am feeling a bit scared of it being sold.

Awww... Change can be scary. Even positive change. Hang in there!

You don't have to accept any offers.

If they make an offer, don't accept until after you have spoken to your solicitor!

Uwila - I think that is a good point - about the fact that he must start drinking at 12 noon.

Felt like telling them that the reason we want to move is due to our rat problem & the neighbours keeping us awake all night with their wild noisy sexual activities...but I didn't!

Got more viewers tomorrow, but H will have to deal with them himself, as I will be at work when they come round.

pmsl at your dreadful domestic and neighbour problems, LW!

If he takes the boys to the pub, he will make out that you are a bad mother because you knew that that was what he was going to do and didn't bother to get back in time to stop it. It therefore is your fault that they are in the pub.

Can you take the boys to your sister and get a babysitter? Scuppers all his threats.

Oh and don't let him accept an offer without consulting you and don't sign anything. You don't have to agree to the sale of the house until you are ready to and have taken legal advice.

There is no way I would chance him taking the boys to the pub with all his idiot mates, Freckle.
I either won't go to my sisters, or will make sure I am home mega early the following morning.
It will probably be the first option though tbh, as I can't be done with the hassle.
I will not accept any offers on house until I have legal advice.
He told me that if I allowed him to put house up for sale, then he would move out. He hasn't kept to his side of the bargain.

Well, he is at the pub again with the friend he is meant to be moving in with.
The friend has lyed to his wife & made out he is visiting H at our house, as his wife is obviously not too happy about the amount of time he is suddenly spending at the pub.
I can see her seriously putting her foot down regarding H moving in before long.

I hope you are keeping a contemporaneous diary of everything that happens and that you are noting down his virtually daily visits to the pub and the length of time he stays there. You should also write down anything which may be of use, such as his threat to take the boys there so that he doesn't miss out on a single minute's drinking time.

I haven't kept a written record of events, but have them all logged in my head. I hadn't thought to write it all down, but I will do now.