My marraige is over...

[Lemmingswife]

I know it is for the best, but I am hurting really bad atm & keep thinking of my poor babies.

Well, no!

Oh, sweetheart - I've followed your posts, but not known what to say - stay strong, and think of your boys x x x

Must try & get some sleep now, as I have work in the morning. This all seems very surreal atm.

Thanks, HM.

BED

You need to be firing on all cylinders atm.

Went to bed, but couldn't sleep, so have given up!
Going to work later & am going to try & function as normal as possible.

We are officially seperated, but living in same house. Will be going straight for the divorce.

Probably best, if you are really being honest with yourself.

Got to dash and get this day started. Will try and look in later.

Thanks, LGJ.x

Hi lemmimgswife - massive congratulations to you. It won't feel like it yet, but once he is out of the house you WILL feel like a new woman. (I have followed all your threads).

It is very hard when the children love their dad so much but remember he will always be their daddy, and hopefully he will behave in way post split that means he can have a good deal of contact with them.

Be prepared for H to not let you go without a fight though. Be strong. This time next year (sounds ages I know) you will be a different woman.

You are so so so doing the right thing, please let your family and friends help you if they will.

Even though your marriage hasn't been wonderful you need to mourn the break up of your family unit. You will feel sad, but remember at all times that none of this is your fault and you gave it 110% and plenty of time to change his ways.

Perhaps one day he will realise what he had, perhaps he won't, but you will be free.

Keep posting x x

Just checking how you are doing. xx

LW - have just recognised you from your other therad. Hope you are doing OK. you ARE doing the right thing and you are so strong to have come this far. This is a tough bit. keep going, keep posting.

And don't let him make you feel sorry for him either. (He has caused all this) Know it is difficult but dont fall into that trap

This is just so hard. I have crying on & off all day, other than when I was at work.
It is the hardest thing I have ever done.

Should say "have been crying.."

He is being so nice, which makes it all so much harder. I am dreading telling my parents.

Bloody well done you, LW. You have taken back control of your life and god it is difficult to do.

I'm not surprised you're dreading telling your parents, to be quite honest. They are probably going to try and pile the guilt on in a major way and will make you feel worse.

On which basis, my advice would be not to tell them for now, or to ask your sister to tell them and make clear that they are either to be supportive of you or say nowt (following the "if you can't say anything nice ... ").

When is he going to move out? I know it's early days, but this whole 'separated but living together' thing could go sour quite quickly. Much better for your little boys that you and dh can separate without bitterness.

Your boys will never lose their adored daddy, as long as he chooses to remain in their lives. But your boys need a happy mummy with her self-respect intact, and that's just not compatible with a marriage to your H.

LW I know this must seem enormously sad, and terribly daunting, but we are all taking our hats off to your courage and strength and we will try and support you as best we can.

Love

xx

Have been thinking about you all day, stay strong.

Thank you all.x

yes, i think tribot is right. there's nothing to be gained at this point in focussing on the 'announcement' to your parents if you feel that is gonna give you more stress. you can save that one for another time - one step at a time and all that. take care, hope you have a peaceful evening.

It has been the hardest, darkest day. I know it is something I must do, but wonder how on earth I will ever get through this.

his being nice must be making it a whole lot harder too - probably reminding you of good times and what things maybe could have been like if he just had those nice bit instead of them being mixed up with all the controlling, angry and scary bits. I feel very for you but also full of admiration because you are going to be one of the women that gets out, gets back in control and gets happy. I'm really glad that you are still focussing on the fact that you have to do it. how will you get through it? well you just will cos you have shown you are strong to get through what you have so far. yes it will change you a bit but you will survive it - and at some point down the line you will be happy again.

have followed your threads but never posted - was surprised but pleased that this was you as you have been so strong

like Next said, you will have to mourn the loss of the family even though it hasnt been easy

you WILL get through it

dont tell your parents if its going to stress you - nuts to them - easier said than done I know.

lots of lovely people on MN who give others courage to stand up for themselves