My marraige is over...

[Lemmingswife]

I know it is for the best, but I am hurting really bad atm & keep thinking of my poor babies.

Could you not take turns on the couch ?

We have another bed. He came up after me & got into our bed. Didn't think it would bother me, as it is a big bed & we have not got that near each other for a while now - but it isn't good, as everytime I wake up he is there.
Will sleep downstairs tonight.

Nightmare LW I thought he had gone to friends. It is so easy to give in that way and being nice can be a manipulative thing as well dont forget. Mine was really nice whenever he thought I would give in! I had to resist and he was good at playing good cop bad cop as well.

If you think about it a bit like torture it helps (well it did me). You can torture someone for ages but unless they rest in between bouts they will either die or give up neither of which will yield the results the torturer wants.

As for your hair dye it! GGG did a list which has been invaluable and my hair looks really good as one part of her list was to get a really goood hair cut which I have! I took homeopathic remedies for my hair and lack of sleep but in the end time was the main thing and as I settled down and got less stressed it got better.

Do not sleep downstairs, you need your energy, move your stuff or his stuff, into the spare room and tell the children it is because Daddy is mindF888ing controlling banker..........or you could just say he snores.

Glad your hair grew back! You sound pretty strong now.
I have told him I don't want estate agents round today. He asked if that meant I wasn't leaving him & I said "No, it just means I am not signing up for my house to go on the market today."

PML LadyS at your last comment!

Other room is downstairs, LGJ - we live in a town house!

Deffo wont hear the snoring from there.

No, very true!

|GOod for you LW you see he is still saying you have a choice whihc is messing with you and not taking you seriously. Decisions about houses shoudl be taken muhc much later!

Get him out of the house altogether. Luckily mine had a new woman and went to her but I hd him back for half a week at a time until my counsellors supported me in chucking him out for good. That is why support is sooooooooooo necessary and I know you have seen police counsellors and dv people. Use your extended networks as like you my mother has been worse than useless and I have chucked her out too and now only use professionals for support which works well.

He gave me the "I can't change without you" line this morning.
I told him that he couldn't change with me...

It is harder with him being around. He says he doesn't want to go to his Mums.

THese discussions are tiring for you though and in the end remember they change nothing. I got to sounding a bit like Catherine Tate and saying bovered and whatever all the time.

When will he go do you think? It is then that your new exciting life can start and the freedom from emotional abuse is and the threat of physical retataliation is incredible! Actually planning things when you want is amazing. yes I have become stronger and stronger and if anyone had told me what I would go through and that I wouldnt by now be in a padded cell but woudl be still smiling I would have laughed at them!

Tell him he has to. In the end they make you make the decisions LW. I will cat you if you like and we can talk properly. I cannot talk about all that is happening to me as I am sure he looks in here and checks on my plans.

Good on you, LW. Whether he meant it when he said it or not, it sounds like just another tactic to make you feel that this is your fault.

Feel free to CAT me, GF. I will be sticking with this name for the moment.
I told him that it is not right or healthy for me to panic about silly things like whether I have forgotten to order something when doing the shopping etc.
I told him that he has had chance after chance & we have been on the brink so many times. I don't believe he will ever change.
I get my support from professionals & get loads of support from here.
Not ready to talk to many people around me yet.

I have been doing lots of what can only be described as self councelling in the last few weeks, too!

I told him that it is not right or healthy for me to panic about silly things like whether I have forgotten to order something when doing the shopping etc.

You wouldn't have said that to him 12 months ago.

I guess I wouldn't have, LGJ!

Well done LW I found reading a lot about stuff helped too. Self counselling is the best sort imo because whatever anyone else says to you in the end the decisions are yours. I have to remember to be nice to myself and not to beat myself up for mistakes as well!

LM, GF is a great RL mate of mine. What did ggg say to you glitter?

She has a list and I cant find it! Sos! But one of things was to buy something you have lusted over adn look at it every day. get a really good hair cut and not to beg plead or cry!

Good advice! I have failed on the crying bit, but I am not begging or pleading!

Agents have been cancelled

Oh you are really coming on a treat. And that is not meant to sound patronising.