My marraige is over...

[Lemmingswife]

I know it is for the best, but I am hurting really bad atm & keep thinking of my poor babies.

So your H is controlling you still, he made sure that he is running the agenda as to whether you break up.

Surprised he didn't cry as well.

Can't believe he is prepared to wash his hands of me if I don't stay with H.
He didn't listen to a word I said to him & wasn't prepared to.

My parents are worried that H may kill himself

Kill himself, no he won't.

Would be handy mind you, presume everything would go to you.?

No he won't kill himself.
Just had my Mum on the phone saying "Dad doesn't mean everything he says you know, but he thinks a lot of H & is really upset"
None of them are giving any thought to the fact I am bl**dy upset.

You are going to stay strong.

Am trying, but it's not easy.

It wasn't a question it was an order.

Albeit a nice order.

I have just had DS1 say to me "Mummy, why are there tears in your voice?"
Bless him, he hates me being upset.

Chances are that your dad is saying that to try and force you to stay. When you show him that you are strong and will continue down the path you have chosen, I'm sure he will eventually back down and continue to be your dad. Maybe he's afraid that, if you leave your H, your mum might leave him.

I don't know? He has some bizarre views & is one of those people who you cannot argue with because whatever he has to say is right.
After his comment about the fact he would have beaten me for coming home late & walking with a man (so Mum has obviously told him), I asked if he had ever hit Mum.
He said "No, but I would have done if she had done what you did!"

He told me to remember how lucky I am!!!

I agree Freckle but also think that you dont have to justify yourself LW to annyone and shoudl maybe stop arguing with your dad but be very assertive. Just keep repeating "the marriage is over there is nothing to discuss". You shouldnt have to defend your decisions and frankly I wouldnt attempt it as you have said he is not listening in any case.

This is all SO horrible. I was feeling upset enough, without being lectured & threatened by my Dad.

I said to him that what we decide is up to us & he doesn't live my life, so hasn't a clue.
This is when he said "But I lived with you remember & he deserves a medal"
He told me that no one else would ever put up with me, so I should count myself lucky!

No, you shouldn't have to put up with this. But your dad probably doesn't know how to behave any differently, as the women in his life have presumably always kow-towed to him and he is amazed that you won't behave the same way towards your H.

As GF says, don't get drawn into discussions or debates about the situation. Just say that the marriage is over and that's that. They don't know the ins and outs of your marriage. No one knows what happens within others' marriages, no matter how they appear on the surface. So he has no right to tell you how to behave in yours.

No, I know. I am just going to try & keep my distance for now.
We were sat in my garden, so no doubt the neighbours heard it all!

The neighbours do not matter, they are not in an abusive relationship.

You are doing a wonderful job and dont need criticism at the moment. Lady S is right dont worry about the neighbours!

What you need to stop fretting about is other people and concentrate on you. You sound like a very caring person who does her best to make everyone around her feel great without worrying too much about herself. Breaking the pattern is starting to care about yourself and stop rescuing everyone else. Your dad is a grown up and you neither need nor should sort his worries out for him. Just keep saying what I said before but dont shut him out from coming round for a cup of tea or anything else but every time he starts to discuss your marriage be assertive.

As for no friends dont make me laugh what are we?

Indeed! You are all fantastic friends.

Thanks, GF. I will mail you.

Have sent you a quick mail, GF.

Hi LW, some absolutely fantastic advice on this thread .

So sorry about your dad's reaction, he is clearly an arse who cannot believe that you can stand up to a man. You do not need this additional stress at the moment, so please try not to let him get to you too much (much easier said than done I know). He is not in your marriage, you are, and it is your business, not his. He needs to know that if he cannot support you then you are not interested in his opinion.

HI LW have emailed you back now got yours when I was walking kids and dog in the park! With all this hope you are out in your garden enjoying the fabulous weather a little tiny bit!