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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Toothache catches a quick 5 mins to let you all know....

165 replies

Toothache · 08/06/2006 14:18

....that H tried to strangle me and punched me repeatedly in the head on Tuesday night.... as I lay in bed.

He was arrested.... charged with Domestic Assault and has been bailed to his parents town 280 miles away. He'll be sentenced at the end of the month. Sad

We'd just had a lovely 2 week holiday too. He's never done anything like this before, but to be honest I could see him becoming more and more unstable and depressed for a while (as any MN'ers that 'know' me will know).

I'm at work using someone elses log in, my home email is STILL not working and I could really do with you guys of an evening.

Mum & Dad are helping me with the kids. I'm surpsrisingly calm and almost relieved. H has many problems and thankfully now because he finally snapped he will be forced to get the help he needs..... and his parents now will know all this too.

I don't hate him, I do still love him..... but he's gone and will not be moving back in anytime soon. After sentencing (probably a fine) he'll be in a flat of his own up here so he can carry on with his job and still see the kids as often as possible.

It was a real shock when it happened, but am I strange to feel relieved that it did?

Anyway, thats the situation.

Hope you are all doing wonderful. Smile I will try to get a minute to check if there are any Scottish meet-ups coming soon and will do my best to get there.

I MISS MN! Sad

OP posts:
LotosEater · 08/06/2006 14:20

oooooh Toothache what a shame - people were asking after you only the other day Sad

Freckle · 08/06/2006 14:20

Oh my goodness, how awful for you. Glad to hear that your parents are there for you.

Take care. The shock will probably hit you when you least expect it.

sweetmonkey · 08/06/2006 14:21

dont know what to say but you poor thing. Sad

how are you holding up?

zippitippitoes · 08/06/2006 14:21

grim newsSad

good wishes to you and hope you get back on your feet ok

xx

WigWamBam · 08/06/2006 14:23

Oh, Toothache Sad

I don't really know what to say but had to say something. I hope you're bearing up OK.

Original poster
Toothache · 08/06/2006 14:24

Thanks. Smile

I think I knew something drastic had to change... but isn't it just so much easier to plod along thinking that everything will be better soon?

He's not allowed anywhere near me or the house, or allowed to contact me in anyway. That wasn't my request, they steamed ahead with those bail conditions without asking me. Sad

Anyway I texted him to let him know that if he needed anything from the house that he could have access if he phoned me first.... and also that I hope he gets the help he is clearly desperately crying out for.

OP posts:
lou33 · 08/06/2006 14:25

sorry to hear that toothache, but like you say, hopefully he will start getting proper help now

make sure you get a good support round you , both practically and emotionally

good luck x

HarpsichordCarrier · 08/06/2006 14:25

OMG Toothache I am so sorry Sad
I was just thinking about you this week too, wondering how you were.
we miss you too

oliveoil · 08/06/2006 14:25

oh no! Sad

I have started tons of threads looking for you petal, really sorry to find this out.

What have you told your children?

Can you not borrow a laptop from somewhere so you can get online in the evening?

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unicorn · 08/06/2006 14:26

oh you poor thing, hopefully he will get the help he obviously needs now.
Keep strong.

oliveoil · 08/06/2006 14:26

xx

hoxtonchick · 08/06/2006 14:27

how awful :(

Piffle · 08/06/2006 14:28

Toothy we were just asking after you t'other day
I'm so sorry, I know you guys have had some immense problems and you stuck at it for soooooooooooo long. I hope he gets the help asap and is a good daddy and you are able to move on without too much stress...

Original poster
Toothache · 08/06/2006 14:29

dd is too young thankfully, she's blissfully ignorant.

Ds is asking where Daddy is. But as he works funny shifts its been quite easy to blag that he's working. But that won't last for long. H is phoning him tonight to talk to him and explain that he's down at Nana's for a few days to help her with the garden. That'll buy us a bit more time.
I can't get a laptop unfortunately. I've got a lovely new PC and no bloody phone connection! I just need a new extension, but I was waiting for H or my friends DH to do it.... and have been waiting for 4 months! Angry

OP posts:
LadySherlockofLGJ · 08/06/2006 14:30

OMG Toothy.

When you went off line, things really did seem to be improving albeit slowly.

katierocket · 08/06/2006 14:30

Jesus Toothy how awful for you. So sorry to hear this but glad that swift action has been taken. Do keep posting.

nailpolish · 08/06/2006 14:31

tooth, you are very much missed

stay strong

np xxx

oliveoil · 08/06/2006 14:33

tell them it is urgent to sort out your phone connection, go and kick ass

if you are on your own of an evening I think you need MN asap

have you discussed the incident with him? What sort of help is he going to get do you think?

Original poster
Toothache · 08/06/2006 14:33

I feel like all the tension has just disappeared! And apart from the stress now of the practicalities of him not being there..... I feel like a new woman already! Apart from the bruises!
He's not a happy person, he's devastated at how he snapped so brutally. As part of his bail conditions he's got to have a psychiatric assessment done. I think he is on the verge off, if not having a nervous breakdown. I spoke to him briefly on the phone last night to arrange where he could collect his clothes from and he was stuttering really strangely. Sad

OP posts:
LadySherlockofLGJ · 08/06/2006 14:33

MNER IN NEED

Can anyone help Toothy ??

I can't get a laptop unfortunately. I've got a lovely new PC and no bloody phone connection! I just need a new extension, but I was waiting for H or my friends DH to do it.... and have been waiting for 4 months

Beetroot · 08/06/2006 14:35

toothache, bloody hell ,

sort out your home mn, you need some us at a time liek this

Thinking of ou

Fimbo · 08/06/2006 14:36

I often think of you Toothy. Hope everything works out for you.

Beetroot · 08/06/2006 14:36

sorry i don't understand what you need?

have you got a phone line?

SaintGeorge · 08/06/2006 14:36

Sad Really hoped when we finally saw you again it would be happier stuff Toothache. I so hope he gets the help he needs now.

If you need a new phone extension for the PC, get a kit from Argos or Maplins. You just plug it in and run the wire to where you need it.

We miss you.
x

Original poster
Toothache · 08/06/2006 14:36

Can I CAT one of you with my work email address? That way you can pass it on to anyone that knows me? Then at least I can 'talk' about it at work. I can't use the log in for very long.... and my own login doesn't allow me to access the internet!

OP posts: