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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Toothache catches a quick 5 mins to let you all know....

165 replies

Toothache · 08/06/2006 14:18

....that H tried to strangle me and punched me repeatedly in the head on Tuesday night.... as I lay in bed.

He was arrested.... charged with Domestic Assault and has been bailed to his parents town 280 miles away. He'll be sentenced at the end of the month. Sad

We'd just had a lovely 2 week holiday too. He's never done anything like this before, but to be honest I could see him becoming more and more unstable and depressed for a while (as any MN'ers that 'know' me will know).

I'm at work using someone elses log in, my home email is STILL not working and I could really do with you guys of an evening.

Mum & Dad are helping me with the kids. I'm surpsrisingly calm and almost relieved. H has many problems and thankfully now because he finally snapped he will be forced to get the help he needs..... and his parents now will know all this too.

I don't hate him, I do still love him..... but he's gone and will not be moving back in anytime soon. After sentencing (probably a fine) he'll be in a flat of his own up here so he can carry on with his job and still see the kids as often as possible.

It was a real shock when it happened, but am I strange to feel relieved that it did?

Anyway, thats the situation.

Hope you are all doing wonderful. Smile I will try to get a minute to check if there are any Scottish meet-ups coming soon and will do my best to get there.

I MISS MN! Sad

OP posts:
Beetroot · 09/06/2006 19:13

if you want to contact toothy you can emailme at at\

beetrootbeetroot at hotmail.co dot uk

LadyTophamHatt · 09/06/2006 19:38

Blimey Toothy....I'm really not sure what to say.

I'll just let you know I'm thinking of you, your DS and DD.

Take care,

xx

Next · 12/06/2006 13:02

Hows it going Toothache?

chipmonkey · 12/06/2006 13:48

Toothache, so sorry to hear this.Sad Have really missed you from MN!

Original poster
Toothache · 12/06/2006 13:49

Not good.
Phoned his Mum yesterday to make him speak to the kids. He was at the pub. His Mum said that I was ruining his life and that I was no angel in this....and that I should never have got him charged. And that now he was going to lose his job, house and family.

EH... he's going to lose all that because he's down there drinking like a fish and feeling sorry for himself. I couldn't believe what she was saying. She that afterall my nose would heal, this situation wouldn't!!!!! Shock

He's got her believing that he's been a battered husband. She also said that I should never have gotten into an arguement with him in the first place as I knew he had anger issues! So now his anger issues are being used to paint ME in a badlight?

I'm totally dumbfounded at her. Its not the first time there has been violence in the relationship (from me too). But it is the first time he's effectively tried to kill me. Sad

He's making everything worse and his Mum is right there helping back to the gutter where I found him.... and should have left him. Angry

I'm seeing a Solicitor on Friday and I'm going to start Divorce proceedings.

OP posts:
katierocket · 12/06/2006 13:54

God toothy, she sounds very very deluded, how horrible of her and how awful that you had to listen to that utter tripe. I can't believe she said that about your nose! Glad to hear you're taking steps to free yourself to get it properly sorted out.

Aimsmum · 12/06/2006 13:57

Oh, toothy, it sounds horrible and his mother sounds awful.

If there is anything i can do let me know or email me. Even just for a chat or whatever.

I've been through a crappy breakup with the family from hell,whose boy could do no wrong, so I can really sympathise.

Take care Smile

LotosEater · 12/06/2006 13:57

Sorry to hear this Toothy.Sad

Just remember it's not you it's him.

His mum has taken his side because she's his mum - unconditional love and all that - don't let it make you feel bad.

Original poster
Toothache · 12/06/2006 13:59

Thanks guys. Smile

Aimsmum - I don't have your email address. I'll CAT you my work one?

OP posts:
Tinker · 12/06/2006 14:00

Blimey toothache - just seen this. So sorry things are becoming even worse.

Original poster
Toothache · 12/06/2006 14:00

Oops, I can't CAT anyone..... need to update my subscription apparently, thats new!

OP posts:
Aimsmum · 12/06/2006 14:00

I posted it further down the thread aimsmum @ ntlworld.com

I'm going off line in 5 mins, but I'll get back to you Smile

Original poster
Toothache · 12/06/2006 14:00

DOH! Missed that one Aimsmum.

OP posts:
LadySherlockofLGJ · 12/06/2006 14:00

WTFAngry

FioFio · 12/06/2006 14:02

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted

LadyTophamHatt · 12/06/2006 14:04

God, toothy....I'm stunned.

A mother's love, eh??

wonder how far he'd have to go before she didn't back him up!!???

I think it's the good decision about the solicitors/divorce TBH

LadySherlockofLGJ · 12/06/2006 14:09

And that now he was going to lose

his job,

Sorry would that be the job that YOU fought tooth and nail for, for him, when his probation was up and they weren't playing ball?? Is that the same job, don't answer I bloody know it is,

house

Would that be the house you bought recently, in your name, with your money because he could no be trusted to provide for his family ?

and family.

Well would that be the family that he didn't have enough respect for to deal with his anger issues and try and hold on to.

The police did you a favour Toothy, would be very interested to know if Tescos know the full story.

Oh God I am so mad, I could spit.Angry

katierocket · 12/06/2006 14:09

I thought that FioFio. It sounds like someone in denial.

Marina · 12/06/2006 14:10

Toothache, I am so sorry to hear this turn of events :( Have been wondering how you were. Hope you can get back online soon and get some decent support locally to get this situation resolved. I am sure his mother will stop being in denial about his behaviour once the court delivers its verdict.

Next · 12/06/2006 14:13

Sod his stupid mother, its all his own doing and if she can't see that then she isn't worth thinking about.

But how are you? How are you feeling?

Original poster
Toothache · 12/06/2006 15:56

LGJ - Correct on all counts. Oh and don't forget that he has the car that I arranged a loan for and pay. Oh and the fact its had to be registered in my name coz a debt collector found him.

OP posts:
LadySherlockofLGJ · 12/06/2006 15:59

Registered in your name, excellent, give it to him as part of a clean break settlement, then give it 6 months and tell the Debt collector where he is...........Grin

Please tell me that the house you worked so hard to get and is in your name, and is safe from the divorce.

Original poster
Toothache · 12/06/2006 16:00

I'm swinging from distraught to angry to indifferent... to relief!!! Can't believe it, but can iykwim.

I'm not going to cry again coz I won't stop!

OP posts:
Original poster
Toothache · 12/06/2006 16:02

Its in my name, but because we're married he is entitled to 50% of the equity.... which at the moment would be about £15k. However, I spoke to a Solicitor today and he said that if he jacks in his job then he'll never get 50%!! More like 25%. So if the divorce pay-off costs me the car and £7.5k then so be it!

BAAAAAAAAAAASTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRD!

OP posts:
Gingerbear · 12/06/2006 16:04

bloody hell toothache! Sad have only just seen this. I wondered what happened after you went offline.

Hope you get back online soon.
Thinking of you. Wish I was nearer.

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