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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Toothache catches a quick 5 mins to let you all know....

165 replies

Toothache · 08/06/2006 14:18

....that H tried to strangle me and punched me repeatedly in the head on Tuesday night.... as I lay in bed.

He was arrested.... charged with Domestic Assault and has been bailed to his parents town 280 miles away. He'll be sentenced at the end of the month. Sad

We'd just had a lovely 2 week holiday too. He's never done anything like this before, but to be honest I could see him becoming more and more unstable and depressed for a while (as any MN'ers that 'know' me will know).

I'm at work using someone elses log in, my home email is STILL not working and I could really do with you guys of an evening.

Mum & Dad are helping me with the kids. I'm surpsrisingly calm and almost relieved. H has many problems and thankfully now because he finally snapped he will be forced to get the help he needs..... and his parents now will know all this too.

I don't hate him, I do still love him..... but he's gone and will not be moving back in anytime soon. After sentencing (probably a fine) he'll be in a flat of his own up here so he can carry on with his job and still see the kids as often as possible.

It was a real shock when it happened, but am I strange to feel relieved that it did?

Anyway, thats the situation.

Hope you are all doing wonderful. Smile I will try to get a minute to check if there are any Scottish meet-ups coming soon and will do my best to get there.

I MISS MN! Sad

OP posts:
tissy · 08/06/2006 17:17

Found it!

Let me know if you want me to send it- shouldn't cost much to post!

Californifrau · 08/06/2006 17:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mousiemousie · 08/06/2006 17:33

Is your head OK after being punched Toothy?
Sad

littlerach · 08/06/2006 17:59

Hi Toothache, I'm often wondering ehere you've been.

So sorry that it;'s come to this, I just hope that he gets help now, and that you are okay. I have a feeling that you will be though.

Hope the little ones are well.

We used to run a cable from our bedroom all the way up to the loft room, and at one stage we had a cable going oiut of the window and back in upstairs. Not sure if that would be an option for you?!!

Take care.xx

ggglimpopo · 08/06/2006 18:17

Thinkin gof you Toothache. Hang on in there.

spacecadet · 08/06/2006 18:19

toothache-you had been conspicous by your abscence.
im so sorry that this happened, however your dh will hopefully receive the appropriate help now.
i hope you are getting all the support you need.
xx

spacecadet · 08/06/2006 18:19

forgot to add, did you receive medical attention?

MarsLady · 08/06/2006 18:23

Toothy... It's good to hear from you, though I'm sorry that this is why.

You have my thoughts and prayers. I do hope that h gets the help that he needs and that for you life gets better and better and better.

Much love

Mars

ja9 · 08/06/2006 19:18

Shock TOOTHACHE. Poor poor you.SadI'm so sorry for you... will be praying about you.

Its really good to hear from you tho'.
Stay strong
hugs.

LadyCodofCOdford · 08/06/2006 19:21

toothache oyu must NOT encourage hi to break his bail conditions
fi he deos regardless of your approval he may well be sen to prison
SEE A XOlciltor who cna apply to the court to haev the conditions changed
i have seen men sent to rpsion for havign contact.

really.

also the thign with dom assault now is that ( as oyu ahev seen) the cps can co ahead wiht the prosecution even wihtout the approval of the wife/ injured party.

has he to see a prob officer tocompile a reprt - tell him to be BRutally honest( or tell MIL to tell him) the more honest he is the more he will get whatever hee needs to help him

wilbur · 08/06/2006 19:49

toothache - I'm so sorry to read about this. Thinking of you and your family. xx

VeniVidiVickiQV · 08/06/2006 20:00

So sorry this is happening Toothache Sad

I had wondered where you had got to. I hope you get things sorted. Any computer bits and pieces you need, just ask. My DP has lots of spare parts lying about. Email me at cheesy_pooff at hotmail dot com.

xxxx

batters · 08/06/2006 20:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Socci · 08/06/2006 20:11

Sad Toothache - I'm sorry to hear you've had this traumatic experience and I hope things work out for the best. How is everything in your new house? (as I remember your posting about the scary voice)

morocco · 08/06/2006 20:13

so so sorry to read about all this toothy, I really hope you are doing ok

tissy · 08/06/2006 20:54

can someone who's in touch with toothache let her know the cable is sitting here- one of you must have signed up for CAT!

WideWebWitch · 08/06/2006 20:56

Toothache, sorry to hear this, poor you. Sympathy.

PrincessPeaHead · 08/06/2006 21:11

oh my god toothy, I've just seen this.

you deserve SO much better. I hope you are OK - you sound remarkably OK, actually - but I hope everything works out for you.

You have to stop worrying about him and look after yourself and your little ones.

Esmummy · 08/06/2006 21:58

Tissy, have emailed Toothy to let her know.
Also Beety, Toothy was trying to email you but it kept bouncing back, so I have emailed you with her email address. Maybe you could contact her instead ?

snorkle · 08/06/2006 23:31

toothache, So sorry. Stay strong and look after yourself.

Flossam · 08/06/2006 23:36

OMG TA, I am so sorry. Look after yourselve and your children and I hope to see you back on her properly soon. xxx

Next · 09/06/2006 07:58

Jesus Christ Toothache Shock Sad

Was wondering about you not so long ago. I was hoping your move would improve things with yoyr DH. At least he will get some form of help now, you have known for ages that he needs something to sort himself out.

Stay strong, you must be feeling very strabge at the moment. Was it you that called the police? Well done if it was.

Your DS will get through it and have a happier mummy.

Good luck and let people help you as much as they can.

stitch · 09/06/2006 08:04

omg,
lots of positive vibes your way toothy

sometimes a dose of the slammer can be very healthy

Original poster
Toothache · 09/06/2006 11:49

Thank you so much everyone.... just grabbing another 5mins. The last thing I want now is to lose my job for accessing the internet!

He didn't tell his Mum the whole truth and I spoke to her yesterday as she wanted to tell me how silly we were both being. Well she knows the truth now and I've taken photos of my bruises just in case she needs anymore convincing. He was supposed to speak to ds on the phone last night, but has blanked my calls and now turned off his phone. Wanker.

I cried last night for the first time as I caught a glimpse of how it will be. Him in control, coming round to see the kids when he wants.... while I struggle to keep them in the most normal environment I can. I hope he isn't low enough to do that, but nothing would surprise me now.

I phoned the police and I don't regret it for a second.

Got to go... boss hovering. Will try to get online later on. Thanks for all your support and I am so grateful, you've no idea. I haven't heard anything from the Police, Domestic abuse unit..... nothing. He's been sent to liverpool to drink with his mates, whilst I've been left to pick up the pieces and come to work as normal.

Can you believe he's been given compassionate leave from his work?!!? I hope he's thoroughly miserable. Angry

OP posts:
Frenchgirl · 09/06/2006 11:57

oh Toothy I've only just seen this, how horrible!
but now you can start making things better for you, you sound very strong and determined, I'm sure you'll be fine in the end, but I know it must be tough for you
good luck
xxx