Toothache catches a quick 5 mins to let you all know....

[Toothache]

....that H tried to strangle me and punched me repeatedly in the head on Tuesday night.... as I lay in bed.

He was arrested.... charged with Domestic Assault and has been bailed to his parents town 280 miles away. He'll be sentenced at the end of the month.

We'd just had a lovely 2 week holiday too. He's never done anything like this before, but to be honest I could see him becoming more and more unstable and depressed for a while (as any MN'ers that 'know' me will know).

I'm at work using someone elses log in, my home email is STILL not working and I could really do with you guys of an evening.

Mum & Dad are helping me with the kids. I'm surpsrisingly calm and almost relieved. H has many problems and thankfully now because he finally snapped he will be forced to get the help he needs..... and his parents now will know all this too.

I don't hate him, I do still love him..... but he's gone and will not be moving back in anytime soon. After sentencing (probably a fine) he'll be in a flat of his own up here so he can carry on with his job and still see the kids as often as possible.

It was a real shock when it happened, but am I strange to feel relieved that it did?

Anyway, thats the situation.

Hope you are all doing wonderful. I will try to get a minute to check if there are any Scottish meet-ups coming soon and will do my best to get there.

I MISS MN!

Toothache, I'm so sad for you, but I'm absolutely sure you'll be much happier without him when you've got over the grief

My advice would be to try and get a settlement where you get to keep all the equity in the house in exchange for allowing him not to pay child support. Because it is doubtful you will get any child support out of a man like him in any case. Then he won't have the power to let you down, either.

Oh god Toothy so sorry all this shite is going on

xxxx

Toothy....first of all hun HUGE hugs.

secondly...im so bloody glad you claled his mum. i was getting really concerned that you kept mentioing he wont be bavck any time SOON!! indicating that he would be back!

There is absolutly no way you can allow that man in your life again, and i dont think that you should push for him to have contact with your children either. i dont know the full story hun but i don know that he has hit you and beat you brutally for no apparant reason (of course there is no reason for violence but you see what i mean)

the police have made those bail conditions for a very good reason. these people deal with scum like your H ( and im sorry but that is precisly what he is) each and every day. they know that without those bail conditions neither yo nor your children will be safe.

His mother is a pathetic woman who feels it is acceptable for a man to brutally beat a woman...a woman whom he claims to love. let s see how forgiving he is when she is on the end of his "Anger issues"

I also had a MIl like that and quite frankly they deserve each other. Hearing that he was down the pub and hearing her reavcion to all this will have allow3d you to see that he is not sorry for what he has done at all.. he is continueing to live his life. and he is being told frequently that he was right to what he did.

i hope he does get help for whatever issues he has but they are HIS issues and not yours. you need to wipe your hands of him.

Oh and tell his mother that nowadays when scum hit women the woman doesnt have to press charges...the police do it for them so that they cant be pressurised by the scum that hit them.
Thats how abhorent this issues is to any right thinking person.

You and your children are absolutly better off without him hun and i am happy to discuss with you what is likely to happen if you take him back.

oh and as for the telephone extension upstairs....its a lot easier than it seems.

go to your local B&Q, buy a telephone extension kit that is long enough to rech where it needs be, and some panel clips.

plug one end into the existing phone socket and then run the cable yup to where you need it to be. then just clip the wire to the skirting boards wity the panel clips.

it will take about 20 mins.....honestly this DIY stuff is easy.

Thanks all. Its good to know I've got somewhere to vent..... even if it is just for 5mins a day on someone elses log-in at work!

My Dad phoned him yesterday (great!.. probably wanted to offer sympathy). Anyway H told him that he was going to phone DS last night FINALLY and speak to me about coming up here today to help run the kids to and from Nursery. I'm assuming he's spoken to his Solicitor to get his bail address changed to a Scottish one! He was also going to his work to discuss things.

Did he phone? No. Thankfully I hadn't told ds he was phoning so minimum damage there.

So I don't know if he's coming up today, I don't know if he'll be sitting outside the house when I go home tonight. I just don't know anything. and !

toothy. what a twonk.
HC XX

Toothache have only just seen this but feel free to email me on [email protected]. I have been through the whole bail thing after my X was arrested and can probably fill you in a bit on how it was for me. Different circumstances I wasnt there thank god when he broke in and stole my stuff but still have dealt with police and bail and stuff so might help.

Take care and feel free to email.

Hello toothache,found you honey-good luckxxxxx

bloody hell Toothy, what a nightmare for you. It will resolve itself and your life will get back on balance, I promise (I was once married to an aggressive arse too). Stay strong. xx

Latest update:
Texted me last night wanting a key left for him to access the house whilst I'm not there. So he could have a shower and collect some things. I phoned him and we had a very tense conversation.

He won't come to the house to see the kids as he thinks I'm setting him a trap so I can get him locked up again. What does he think I am?????
He firmly believes that I had him charged out of spite/malice and that I'm just deliberately trying to ruin his life.

He spoke to ds this morning as I arranged for him to call. Ds was telling him to come home right now and to collect Mummy and dd and go down to see Nana and Grandad. This is breaking my heart.

I'm the monster, he's the poor soul. He had a doc appointment this morning to get a sick line from work (at least he's not packing it in!). He won't come and see the kids until I've made an application to have his bail restrictions lifted. So he can also blame me for not seeing the kids until I do this.

After he's handed in his sick line I don't know what he's going to do. He may just go back down to his parents. He has no money as its all in my account so I transferred £30 into his old, but active account so he could put petrol in the car.

He's playing the martyr and his family are believing him..... but I also think he's been having his head filled with shit about me whilst he's been there too.

Don't know what to do now. I've got the Solicitor on Friday.

toothy, what a dreadful situation I do hope that you can at least get some support from MN, xxx

Thanks bundle.
I'm so so sad about all this for the sake of my kids.

Mustn't cry Mustn't cry Mustn't cry Mustn't cry Mustn't cry Mustn't cry Mustn't cry Mustn't cry Mustn't cry Mustn't cry....
....I'm at work.

Toothy I am sedning a big virtual hug today adn have emailed you!

People will fill his head with stuff and you will learn in time that it no longer matters. that is the real trick learning what does and does not matter. At first everything does and that is quite natural but after time it starts to matter less and less.

Thanks Glitterfairy. Just reading your email now.

Toothy how are you? Havent heard for a while and am just checking you are ok!