MIL says she and ILs are annoyed by our refusal to be driven drunk

[Mixxy]

This has been an issue for a while, basically.

There is a family BBQ this 4th of July at my BILs house about an hour away by car. I'm not a driver here in the US (wrong side for the wheel, wrong side of the road). My DH will be working that day and so can't join me or drive me. This leaves me with the option of being driven by my PIL who are in their 80s. FIL will have a few G&Ts at family functions and feels it is perfectly fine to drive home. I don't feel the same. And I certainly won't be strapping my 4 month old DS into the back seat.

MIL came over and had a shouting match with my DH tonight saying she wanted to take DS to the BBQ and that all our in laws were getting annoyed that we never go anymore and that they want to see the baby. While DH is a bit more relaxed on drinl driving, he told her that everybody knew our position on this issue and knew where we lived if they wanted to come see the baby and that my wishes were to be respected - end of. She threw a dramatic fit that only she can. Its not like she wants me there, just DS. She might be willing to be chauffered around by somebody over the limit, and seemingly she thinks its okay to do with our DS!

I don't want to offend the in laws all the time (we have missed a lot of family functions over this). Anyone have any similar experiences or advise?

Don't have an adaptor for stroller, just straight car seat or my Bugaboo stroller xai or the sling. The public transport option is out. It has to be a cab each way. Which is fine.

My husband is doing a NYC Ballet recital.

Of course she's getting a hard time, she's not doing the preferred meek and mild out upon woman thing that is so popular on MN.

Your husband is a ballerina?

So hot.

Yup, he goes to work in a pair of white tights.

My alternative plan was to meet somegirl friends for the 4th and watch the fireworks on the Hudson with a picnic.

There are a ton of ways to get around this but I agree I think you do not want to go and making excuses.
You say you do not need to drive that is why you not doing test but mmm maybe you do after reading this thread.

:o

They must get so grubby on the subway.

I'm sure you are joking, but I'm going to pretend you are not.

Few things as lovely as a male dancer in tights. Hmmm mmmmm :)

Mixxy - well I know what is prefer!! Staying in the city sounds a lot more fun!

Good luck, I do hope you get it sorted but I do think you're right not to accept any shit....from your PILs or the harridans on here.

Well given the choice, and I really do believe that you should be given the choice, I think I would rather spend the fourth of July watching my husband on stage in tights (well, not my husband, that would be scary) than schlepping around with a baby and all his paraphernalia to have a horrible time with people who don't like me.

Support the ballet!
Refuse to learn to drive. you live in Manhattan!

Spend 300 dollars on interval champagne.
Have a fourth of July dinner with your husband and DS

White tights :)

Ok, well you're not trying to win friends here but your situation is tricky and your pils sound awful.

It would be reasonable to ask FIL not to drink but he'll do it anyway and you'd be stuck there.

Is staying over not an option though?

Asking them not to drink, or pay for a taxi, is reasonable. This is a once a year event. If it's such a big deal to them and they have money, they might do it.

Learning to drive in the US or the sake of an annual visit to people with whom you share a mutual dislike and who've been very unpleasant to you seems disproportionately accommodating. But, driving long distances is taken for granted there, not a big deal, so they probably feel they're working around your eccentricity already. Perhaps being able to hire a car occasionally would give you some freedom more generally?

You say they refuse to visit you, despite working in Manhattan (at 80? Or is this wider family?) but then mention a cat allergy (dismissively). Allergies are real and even if you think its exaggerated you'll never prove that, so have to accept it. So, arrange to meet outside your home, at a cafe, museum or whatever.

Will you be removing the cat and cleaning up all hair for the thanksgiving visit? You'd do it for someone you liked and would be a very poor host if you don't try to meet their needs.

Your DH sounds great but he does need to present this as your shared view, not as him providing a barricade for you and your nuttiness.

Picnic on the Hudson with friends, no contest.

Then your betighted lover can meet you later.

Sorry for sentence fragment. I wouldn't be going to spend any time with anyone who called me a rude bitch myself but just thought if you are going to go anyway, I'd suggest an alternative to potentially sitting in traffic in the Lincoln Tunnel on a nice day.

Um wow - the NYC Ballet? He doesn't have dancer thighs does he?

at sexy Dh.

Go out with your friends. You will have a much nicer day.

Oh for the love of God. I'm with AThing. All of you and your "mother of sons" bollocks is so tiresome. You're going to be the ones callng DGC "my baby" in 20 years time. I pity your DILs!!

The OP doesn't want her and her four month old driven by drunk drivers!!! Presumably, if HER parents suggested driving her and her 4 month old after a few, she'd say no. It's not ok under any circs. From what you've said Mixxy, I take it that this is your first? I wouldn't have wanted to go so far on a train then either. I'm sure it would be fine but understand why you don't want to. I think your compromise is unnecessarily admirable. If I were you I'd be doing fireworks with friends.

And please tell me the consulate general laughed and hung up the phone?? (mil's face when I said, well this one is her proper passport because it's got a harp on it, was priceless. It's a good thing we love each other!)

lottie We boarded the cat last summer and had the entire apartment steam vaccumed when we agreed to have DN stay with us in the city last summer for a month. I don't feel the need to people calling me a crazy, uncompromising bitch, because I'm not. I know I'm not BU, that's why I posted this in relationships.

And yes, poor Najinski will be boarded again for Thanksgiving.

YANBU.

(Mmmmm.... male dancers.... mmmm.....)

Cool name for the cat.

As usual with these things the main problem is with the DH. It's his family he should deal with them. Always.

You do realise you've unwittingly turned this into a perv thread?

[Slinks off to drool over Edward Watson....]

My parents and brother were killed by a drunk driver (who was also high on cocaine).

There is never a good enough excuse in my eyes to drink then get behind the wheel of a car.

Especially not a BBQ.

Ask them which they would prefer. You and baby to attend the BBQ, or to attended your child's funeral.

I don't understand why the lack of adaptor means you can get a taxi each way door to door but not a taxi from the train station

We have a bugaboo and the adaptor cost about £25 so definitely worth getting one. I think you'll need a car service as no yellow cab will come to pick you up and having them wait would be extortionate. Also, as you say, will you even get a cab on the day? At least you can book the car service

Also, I really would revisit the train. Agree with the other poster who said the Lincoln Tunnel coukd be a nightmare. That is not somewhere I would want to be stuck with a baby breathing in fumes and recycled air.

I think if you don't look at the train, which is the most cost effective and logical, then you could end up appearing martyrish and trying to take the most costly and least efficient method. I'm sure you don't want this as I think it then becomes very hard to keep the upper hand with the PILs and the extended family.

yanbu

sounds like a nightmare.

So sorry to hear that Laly

laly See THIS is what I'm afraid of.

The male dancer thing always interests people. You know their feet smell something awful. And those danve belts the men wear? Ick. THERE That's the cold water yiz all needed.