MIL says she and ILs are annoyed by our refusal to be driven drunk

[Mixxy]

This has been an issue for a while, basically.

There is a family BBQ this 4th of July at my BILs house about an hour away by car. I'm not a driver here in the US (wrong side for the wheel, wrong side of the road). My DH will be working that day and so can't join me or drive me. This leaves me with the option of being driven by my PIL who are in their 80s. FIL will have a few G&Ts at family functions and feels it is perfectly fine to drive home. I don't feel the same. And I certainly won't be strapping my 4 month old DS into the back seat.

MIL came over and had a shouting match with my DH tonight saying she wanted to take DS to the BBQ and that all our in laws were getting annoyed that we never go anymore and that they want to see the baby. While DH is a bit more relaxed on drinl driving, he told her that everybody knew our position on this issue and knew where we lived if they wanted to come see the baby and that my wishes were to be respected - end of. She threw a dramatic fit that only she can. Its not like she wants me there, just DS. She might be willing to be chauffered around by somebody over the limit, and seemingly she thinks its okay to do with our DS!

I don't want to offend the in laws all the time (we have missed a lot of family functions over this). Anyone have any similar experiences or advise?

As a none driver it shocks me the attitude people have about those who can't drive or choose not to. as useful as it is to be able to drive, some of us get by just fine without a licence. it's not unreasonable not to drive!

Of course it would despicable. The fact that a) he won't, b) has called OP a rude bitch in the past for suggesting just this as a solution, and c) MIL saw fit to have a tantrum to her son about OP's refusal this time to drive with FIL after him drinking says all you need to know about their reasonableness...

I still wouldn't be going if I were you but I understand that you've made arrangements, your more gracious than I would be considering the back story.

So Mixxy, have you decided what to so yet? Hudson picnic if I were you

Blimey. This is a weird thread.

Surely the easiest solution is that FIL doesn't drink?

Since he's not willing to do this, he should be damn grateful that OP is prepared to fork out $300 for a cab.

People don't HAVE to drive, especially if they live in a place where having a car is just a pita.

And why this insistence on using public transport then the OP has already said she's willing (reluctantly) to hire a cab.

Have you ever taken a journey in 36C heat? It's bloody exhausting. No way would I do a journey with a baby, in that heat for one day.

Really surprised at the tone of some posters who seem to think that MIL can be as nasty as she wishes, and OP should just suck it up and accept it.

I did decide. I'm taking the cab to the BBQ for a while, but it is supposed to rain a good bit during the day so I wont be staying too long. SIL has gotten some great news career-wise and I'm delighted to make the trip out there to share her delight as she announces it to all the family/friends. I'm planning on doing the Hudson thing too.

Funnily enough about the strange tone of this thread MmeLindor, my friend back home (a fellow MNer) said, "You really shouldn't have said you had an Irish driving passport so early on in the thread".

Ah well, hope you have a lovely 4th July later this week. It isn't easy keeping the peace for the sake of families, but on the flip side, you'll be there to share your SILs good news which is nice. Enjoy the picnic too!

Enjoy it, Mixxy. I think spending that much on a cab to get theree and back should render them extraordinarily honoured (that's how it would work in my family anyway! They'd be honoured, grateful and flattered that I wanted to be with them that much. In fact, even though I love my family and really enjoy get-togethers, I wouldn't actually do that).

It doesn't sound like your lot are like that, but I do think it's over and above the call of duty; so I hope you do have a good day and enjoy as much of it as you can.

I don't think that they deserve it either!

At least you're in charge of when to leave, though.

Perhaps prebook for the return journey so that they can't try & get you to stay longer, then you'll have as long at the Hudson as you want?

Well done Mixxy, have fun. I've not been to fireworks on the Hudson but when I went to the ones on the East River, they were so brilliant, I had a tear in my eye .

Hope you have an ok time with the out-laws.

Thanks beginnings. Actually, the fireworks on the Hudson are the same as the East River show, they just moved it to the Hudson so Jersey could see it too and split the cost. Theyve done it since about 2009.

Ah - that's a good idea - it was 2001 or 2002 when I saw them (really, that long??) so a while before that!

Just back from NJ. We stayed a couple of hours. Long enough for DSIL to squeal about her new promotion, which was lovely (she's in a very tough and competitive industry). We stayed indoors most of the time because its so gross and hot here. We are back in time to take a nap and have showers for the fireworks on the Hudson tonight. As I left NJ, FIL was having a nice G&T. Watch out, now!

Have a great fireworks party. I do think that you went above and beyond to facilitate the day.

Haven't read all the thread so apologies if this has been suggested but instead of a taxi both ways can your pils take you there when I presume he hasn't drunk and you get a taxi home?

Sorry just remembered the 4th July was today!

Yay - glad it's all been OK.

Glad you went and are back and they behaved themselves... And you didn't have to kill them :)

Glad it went OK. Hope you enjoy the fireworks.

I'm glad you went. And, hey! It might have been hot today but at least it wasn't raining. Again. Or like being in a swamp. This summer has sucked.

It is a bit of a muggy summer alright coolstory. Not fot me! Fireworks were great and DS enjoyed them through
his sunglasses (nervous Mom/PFB)! I even got a lovely message on the answering machine whem I got back. It was from my MIL ringing to let me know they got home safe. See, I neednt have worried out the drink driving.

Glad you had a good time.

Does she always phone to say she's home safe?

Do you even care?

Im assuming it was just to prove that you could have had a lift with them & got home OK, even with them drinking?

Some people just don't get it, do they?

Normally not. She rang to ask how DHs performance had gone, but also to let us know they got home "perfectly safe". I'm such a drama queen! Should have just sucked it up and saved the money I guess! I'm rising above it. Saying nothing. Everyone was invited to ours for Thanksgiving. I await reply. From anybody.