Dating thread 56 all welcome

[Kirstywirsty]

The Rules

1 Develop a thick skin;

1. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
2. It's all BS until it actually happens;
3. Trust your gut instinct;
4. If it is not fun, stop

Oh Wisey you're not in the north west are you? I had a date with a bloke with an identical story, very upfront about it and seemed like a lovely guy, but he was really just looking for someone to wee on his willy ...

OWW!

No not in North West, thankfully. Now can't get that image outa my head.

For the record I won't be weeing on anyone's willy no matter how nicely they ask.

Have you all got Ike's user name on okc ? If not I can send her a message and ask if it's ok if I pass it on.

I'm sorry about that Hey but OWW's right, I think OD can serve as a chance to redefine what you're prepared to compromise on in a relationship and crystallise how you expect to be treated.

He wanted you to 'wee on his willy' OWW ? I bet there was an awkward silence right after that request.

I'm not on okc Nora but will register if that's ok with Ike! We're both on PoF actually so could I message you my PoF name to pass on to Ike?

It did cause a slight pause in the conversation Nora but at least I knew about it before things went further - would have been even more awkward to have got to the bed stage and then be presented with said willy all ready to be weed on.

Yes, of course OWW (I did mention FB to her but she's not on there) .

I like to think I'm fairly game but I suspect urinating on an erection may be a tinkle too far.

Why did I think dancing around my friend's living room till 3am was a good idea when my DD was getting dropped to me at 7:30???

I have a RL date on Monday .. My work colleague has been desperate to set me up with her friend who is a risk manager for a bank who does paragliding and kayaking and rock climbing .. Met him last night and he is lovely .. So I said she could pass on my number .. We are meeting for lunch because unfortunately he is going on holiday at the same time that my stbx has my DD for two weeks .. So next available time would be 14th July and then I go on hols from 16th till 26th

hi long time lurker and very occasional poster vicariously living through all your online highs and lows, whilst trying to stay on an even keel with my own . so here's the rub...the rules say stop if it's not fun, but like Hey upthread, surely waiting for contact after five great dates and thinking all is fine is never fun . how do you differentiate between investing too soon, and just being let down? just musing on whether or not I'm tough enough to plough on after thinking I'd found something with potential. any sage words from the wise?

if someone just wanted to be pissed on i'd be wondering whats in it for me!
Was he offering money?

kitty hi and welcome!! I'm not sure myself as this is something I fail miserably on .. Hopefully someone wiser will be along soon

OWW what would he have done with said wee sodden errection? I've often wondered, do men with interesting 'quirks' suddenly explode in a burst of ecstasy or is that the entree?

kitty that's a tricky one, it's easy to confuse drama and angst for excitement and the question I would ask is do you spend most time feeling a warm glow or a knot in your stomach.

Kirsty a man who you've met and like, who really does do active stuff and is straight up about arranging a date and is recommended and a RLer. Go woman

Wisey nothing wrong with being honest when asked, as said upthread I think OD helps sort out what we really do want.

Advise on MeetUp needed, when someone uses the 'nice to meet you' feature on MeetUp, I'm not expressing dating interest if I press Nice to Meet You too am I?

Wine just to say, I love the way you write, it reminds me of someone who was my best friend/carousing sidekick at uni

Wine I'll second Kin. You've brought back memories of the old plonk and stare method of seduction perfectly

Wine- folk do pull sometimes by plonking themselves down, it takes guts to do it. But they're probably doing it in the hope you'll see how gorgeous and brave they are, be instantly smitten and start chatting.

In fact I met Cheshire by doing just that, but then I didn't sit there in silence. That's what the English teacher I alpha-males out of the way was doing I think.

I've been told by a local friend that Hungarian women let it be known if they're not interested by saying so. Cheshire, from what my mate says, sounds keen because she hasn't told me to feck off, shes said she wants to do things in the future and she complimented me. She's probably waiting to be asked out yet again. Hungarian rules.

But I can't be arsed. Yes she's stunningly attractive with an amazing smile, but if she's going to make me ask repeatedly for a date having cancelled the last one, I can't be arsed. She's really not enough of a conversationalist to be bothered with.

CheshireCat's looks combined with Buffys conversational skills would be good for me. Without the choking thing

I love when they mistranslate things on menus. I have the option of what I'm guessing is flash-fried steak, called 'suddenly fried steak'. I've got a mental image of a surprised and pissed-off looking cow.

hi juliette there's been no drama just three weeks of good fun (and far too much wine ) so the warm glow was definitely there...but now the stomach knot is growing due to sudden radio silence...ho hum, guess it's just one of them things.

Bant catching a woman's eye after she has smiled at you and then getting rid of the English Teacher-- engaging her in conversation is entirely different from the plonk and stare. For a start, the plonk is a plonk, they actually make a noise when they sit because they are so pissed. Then they stare, drunkenly because they can't focus. If we are lucky, after we have tried to resist they will then ask 'why don't you talk to me, are you a lesbo?'

The last time this happened to me was in North Wales (yes I am casting aspersions) when three men only two of whom had a couple of teeth plonked and stared in a kind of pincer movement.

I miss ike as well, please pass on my love. :)

So, nameless last night tells me someone messaged him on OKC about M.E. they said they weren't trying to pull, just wondered, as they have M.E/C.F.S themselves, what it was like dating with M.E? Nameless replies that it's fantastic (then laughed, but it was endearing...) and that he didn't really regard 'us' as dating, because it's more serious than that...

Today, I've obviously got home, resurrected my (secondary) fake OKC profile to stalk nameless and while he says he's 'seeing someone' he hasn't changed the body of his profile to reflect this, so it still says, (you should message me if...) 'you're lovely and think you might find me lovely too....' Then some other stuff, then 'you're looking for someone special to be with for a long time'

Realistically, I know it actually hasn't occurred to him to change the text, but I feel a bit I hid my proper profile as soon as we became a couple, possibly even before that as I wanted to concentrate on him. I think I'm due a wobble. A pre-holiday wobble, perhaps, but a wobble nevertheless. :( I guess we all do things differently and at least he's put he's seeing someone which makes him look like a sleaze, so unlikely anyone would actually contact him but you know that annoying little internal voice that goes 'he's waiting for someone better than me'? It's getting a bit louder & insistent.

Carp, please.

@ kitty

Hi! I do think things "pan out as they are meant to" - as in if there is meant to be a connection then it will "happen", and if not then I think that's why we should "keep our options open" so we don't feel we are wasting time?

I think i definitely enjoy the dating process more when I make a point of keeping my options open until things get official, or not.

I don't think "just collect men I'm not attracted to to build up the numbers" (has anyone seen that episode of SATC where Carrie goes on a first date with someone she isn't attracted to so she is less tense about meeting someone she IS interested in, and it REALLY backfires )

Of course if we meet someone who "stands out" nothing wrong with concentrating on them for a bit rather than trying to pack in more - you SHOULD be nervous if you're really attracted to someone. But stay online, don't turn down opportunities to meet new people, keep writing to those we haven't met yet, keep trim and beautiful, etc etc?

You're right. I didn't plonk. I may have oomphed slightly.

I'm sat in the centre of Budapest just im the Basilica square, picking up the wifi signal from Starbucks and watching a horrible car crash of a first date unravel before my eyes. A guy was waiting at the outside patio drinking an iced coffee and a girl turns up, looks round nervously, sees the guy and checks it against her phone. She nods, looks up and smiles and goes over to say hello.

They do the ritual cheek kiss? Hand shake? Dance before shaking hands and sitting down. However the guy, while dancing, was looking the girl up and down because she has chosen to wear some kind of size 10 boob tube, and she's a size 18. It really is not a good look, the man was obviously put off and so seems to be monosyllabically responding whilst playing with his phone.

Conversation has died off almost completely. He's looking at the girl at the next table. He's not giving off signals of disinterest so much as 'oh, are you still here?'

He's being an arse but he is way out of her league and knows it. She's still desperately trying to make chit chat and its really quite sad to watch

Ah well

Snape - surely you know him well enough by now to ask him to take it down?

Stand clear -Zzzzzzzztttttttttttttttttttttt

( but that was carp crash call done with a certain amount of understanding Snape )

My best mate at uni was one of you Scots types Wine, hence the way you 'talk' reminding me of her. We used to have such a laugh, she was very funny and could drink anyone under the table .

@ snapespeare

I feel like I am replying to a thread goddess here, have read a lot of your posts. HI!

1. if he put he is "seeing someone", then that's official isn't it?

1. I think it is natural to get jittery over someone when you like them, I think better that than being NOT nervous, no?

1. have you talked to him about it? Maybe just mentioning it - in a non anxious way - just "ooh I feel a bit uncomfortable" would open the door to more emotional intimacy. With the right man, vulnerability and admitting when you are nervous/feeling a bit possesive is sexy!

1. I found okcupid was quite fun as a "chat/making friends" site too when I used it? mumsnet for men could he be using it in that context?

1. Have a nice holiday, I'm jealous wish I had some sun here!

@ Bant

Ha ha ha that made me laugh! I think we have all had that "oh shit" moment where they don't look as nice as the pics. I try and just keep it very low key - one drink or two - and then make an excuse.

I must say i do often get the vibe that I'm not the first person to have done the "make an excuse quickly and left" - you'd think that they'd clue up and change the pics?