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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I'm going to break up with my boyfriend. Tell me I'm doing the right thing?

270 replies

OhTiger · 13/06/2013 13:07

I'm doing it tonight. It's going to be horrible. He will cry minimum. He's not had a great relationship history, and I don't think he has a clue this is coming. I feel like a horrible bitch that has led him on.

Met in January and it has all gone too fast. He's pretty much moved in. He's not been home to his house in weeks. To start with I liked it as I'd had a lonely time, and I like his company, but now I feel suffocated.

When we met he seemed to have loads of friends and was always doing stuff. Now he just wants to stay in with TV and cuddle.

Cuddles are very nice, but we barely have sex ever. In the first couple of weeks he was v passionate, then nothing or ferry sex - roll on roll off. I've not had an orgasm in 3 months.

He is usually very nice to my children and wants to be a positive influence, but he shouted at both of them (separate incidents) yesterday. I have encouraged the fact he is an adult in the house, and deserves respect, but I'm perfectly capable of discipline, do it my way and don't need back up.

He's bought quite a few bits for the house and garden. I'm not sure how this is going to work, do I reimburse him? I have been feeding him and doing his washing and he's been using my electric for months I know I know don't say it

It's my bithday this weekend and I know he has bought me something so I need to get it over with tonight so it does not get worse.

I'm right, right?

OP posts:
Original poster
OhTiger · 13/06/2013 13:59

What I WANT to reply is 'Too little too bloody late sunshine. Don't even want to anymore.' or 'you snooze you lose.'

But I am not horrible even though my brain is trying to make me be.

OP posts:
FrequentFlyerRandomDent · 13/06/2013 13:59

It is only a six months relationship. No wonder you feel suffocated.

Just accept the temporary role of bad girl delivering bad news (for him) and go through with it. There is no good time to be dumped. I remembere waiting until the end of a holiday to dump x. He was so angry I did not dump Hume before the holiday as he could have drown his sorrow in rhum and chased scantily clad girls.

Good luck. Oh, and do get your keys back too.

Original poster
OhTiger · 13/06/2013 13:59

His telly is here and it's lovely. I'll miss that. Sad

OP posts:
bobbywash · 13/06/2013 14:04

No time like the present, I'd get home early and pack his stuff so that he can move out tonight and no excuses to "just pop back and get"

If it isn't working it's best to end it quickly, no dragging it out. You know that otherwise you wouldn't be on here asking.

Original poster
OhTiger · 13/06/2013 14:06

No time to pack his stuff really. Is that kinder than letting him wander round and pick stuff up? There's no kind way is there.

OP posts:
wannabestressfree · 13/06/2013 14:06

Sadly I am three years down the line. I liked the neediness to begin with [I had left an artic like marriage - no affection] but its losing its sparkle in all respects. Feel free to inbox me..........

I feel guilty even writing this though. He is very kind and nice in his defence.

Original poster
OhTiger · 13/06/2013 14:07

In fact. Some of his stuff is wet in the washing machine. I have not planned this well at all.

OP posts:
Nagoo · 13/06/2013 14:11

Ominous is ok when you need to say the worst case scenario. It'll brace him for it a bit.

And yes, from everything you've said, it is the right thing.

Original poster
OhTiger · 13/06/2013 14:20

Apparently he has some things he'd like to discuss too. May be easier than I thought.

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 13/06/2013 14:28

Oh dear - I thinks it's going to be harder than you thought.
But definitely pack as much of his stuff up as you can.
It would be horrid for him to have to go round from room to room finding all his stuff.
I did this with someone. Went home at lunchtime - packed up all his stuff and he just took it away that night.
Hope it's as easy as mine was.
Good luck!

Solo · 13/06/2013 14:28

Or maybe the birthday gift is something sparkly for your finger...

spatchcock · 13/06/2013 14:30

Solo beat me to it - I reckon that he's sensed your feelings have cooled and the 'things he'd like to discuss' will involve ramping up the relationship.

Clean break, OP! Like ripping off a plaster. Kindest for him in the long run.

Original poster
OhTiger · 13/06/2013 14:31

Right. I have 10 mins to run round for stuff before all the other stuff.

His message didn't sound like it was positive stuff. Is it wrong to wish for a massive difference of opinion and then that will be that? I wishing that. And IGNORING you Solo. Erk.

OP posts:
Vivacia · 13/06/2013 14:33

I bet that he's sensed something is wrong. Be prepared for promises to change, improve etc.

VulvaVoom · 13/06/2013 14:33

If you're thinking it's not great now, imagine how it would be when he moves in, or if you get married. Hopefully that will give you the motivation to end it. Get rid while you can.

Be brief, factual, get it done quickly and then leave (or if he's at yours, ask him to go before any begging!)

Solo · 13/06/2013 14:33

Hmmm...so you need to say your bit first or it'll be more difficult to do if he starts down on one knee or does the 'proper moving in' speech...

Solo · 13/06/2013 14:35

Yes, yes. Ignore me!

Original poster
OhTiger · 13/06/2013 14:41

No offence Solo Wink

It's the getting him to go I'm worried about. I'm sure about this. I sound sure don't I? Confused

OP posts:
LaRegina · 13/06/2013 14:41

Yes definitely clean break - be firm and slightly cold! And you can buy another telly Grin

And maybe next time don't let a BF spend so much time with your DC until you are really sure about him?

And have to say something I love your quote - 'Never test the depth of a river by jumping in with both feet'. Am going to keep that one in the bank Smile

LaRegina · 13/06/2013 14:42

OP have you got any friends/family living nearby who you could ask to turn up at 3 or something? Then he'll feel too embarrassed to drag it out .....

Solo · 13/06/2013 14:43

None taken! and yes, you sound sure. Just do it and good luck! :)

Original poster
OhTiger · 13/06/2013 14:46

I can put a friend on notice, that's a good idea LaRegina. I'm working now, and then kids and then they are going out at 6 and then the talk.

He definitely has an inkling what's coming. Had another text. It is going to be worse. Yet at least he has a clue.

Running off to do all the things now. Thank you lovely vipers x

OP posts:
Solo · 13/06/2013 14:49

Good luck and let us know how it goes! :)

SgtTJCalhoun · 13/06/2013 14:54

I'd do it by text .

ImperialBlether · 13/06/2013 14:56

Can I just ask when was the last time he bought any food for himself to eat? Does he take lunch from your house to work? Have you paid for every meal in all this time?