DP will not do any housework. Nothing can move him. what can I do?

[housework]

DP has never done house work. Trying to get him to do it causes me immense stress as there are battles of words which are water off a duck's back to him but maker my heart beat and make me upset and frustrated.
We have moved to a larger house which now magnifies the issue.the conversation this morning went some thing like this:

Me: Now we've moved I really need yo to he as well he house is too big for just me to do.

Him: I told you we shouldn't have moved if you can't cope.

Me: I can cope but it's a fair and logical point that we support each other and share the housework.

Him: Oh I know why you're saying this, something to do with the toilet this morning.

Me: It's nothing to with anything except wanting to share the housework.

Him: I mowed the lawn yesterday.

Me: I'm talking about day to day housework.

Him: Is there something particular you want me to do?

Me: No I want to our to share the housework.

Him: don't ask me now. Why have you chosen now? Its because of the toilet isn't it.

Me: when is the time to ask? I don't want to ask. OK I want you to help with with the housework.

I can't believe I'm having this conversation again. He will not get a cleaner as I should do it all on my 2 days off.this man is highly respect d at work for his logic, ability to solve problems, see do afferent points of view etc but at home he can be an intractable pig. Anyone else think I can get him to share? Thanks for reading.

Oh my very God.

That is quite the most unsupportive and sexist rant I have had the misfortune to see today

Actually, the OP has hardly posted even on this, her own thread. We can't make assumptions about what she does with her time.

However, clearly her DP does no housework whatsoever. This isn't just about the housework, it is about respect.

Also, the OP provides financially as well as doing all the domestic work.

OP the main thing in a relationship is that you can talk honestly to each other and also listen.

If you said to him that the amount of housework is doing you in, you don't have two days off work with your DC just to sit them in front of Cbeebies whilst you scrub the bathrooms, how do you both solve the problem? If he cares about you does he really expect you to be a drudge? Maybe the house was a bit much but you are where you are now and you need to move forward not blame each other.

FWIW DH and I work about the same as you two: he does a substantial proportion of laundry, cooking and dishwasher management. Most families where both parents work will have a similar set up I suspect.

If he works FT then he is looking at doing cleaning in the evenings or at the weekends, that is going to need a change of mindset I suspect and he will grudge it eating into "off" time (I know I do!). If he has never done any housework, if his mum always "invisibly" took care of it, he probably has genuinely no idea what exactly needs doing or how long it takes. It depends if you care about each other enough to sort out the problem and leave attention for more interesting things!

"All I am trying to say is, if OP' time was filled doing the jobs that need doing she wouldn't have time to worry about who does them."

Words f.a.i.l me

Oh mrs De Vere, is that really the best you can muster from all of my posts, I assumed she was a girl as I did with many of you as you cannot see what is a real problem and what is just part and parcel of a relationship and I hope that the reason OP is not on here is that she is talking to the ONLY person who can help her sort this out her DH. As some of you seem quite deluded.

OP, girl, noidea has the solution to all your petty little worries

keep yourself busy doing all the shitwork, and you won't have time to notice your husband is a complete cock

it's a strategy, of course

oh, you might need to stock up on the Mogadon

OOF!

You see AF you are coming round to my way of thinking, minus the Mogadon of course, we don't need drugs!
MrsDeVere, I maybe am a little patronising in that post I do take your point but I think life is far too short to worry about what I perceive to be little things, which, tends to be an attribute of the young, they will only perceive a problem to be big until a bigger one comes along.

I reckon you are Mogadonned up to the eyeballs

No idea I am genuinely sorry that you think this is a little thing. The OP's partner treats her poorly. He does not do a fair proportion of the total work that the family needs to keep the show on the road.

When OP tries to discuss it with him, he evades and belittles her.

So many things are crowding into my head that I would like to say, but alas it's not worth the time to type them out.

I despair of you Ihavenoidea.

She treats him poorly too, she works less that him and earns less too, would we stand for him insisting she earns as much as him and works the same hours, no we wouldn't. Men really cannot win in this day and age and I genuinely feel sorry for them. I would go on but my DH is due home soon and he really needs some food, to energise him for his 13 hour day tomorrow too, what a bastard I really should consider leaving him if he cannot make his own tea once in a while!! AF I wish I was that would then make all of your man hating,posts a little less upsetting for me!!

pictish, I reckon it would also get you a "Mumsnet calling" email

here, have a little blue pill, that should sort you out

I am booked in for my lobotomy a week Tuesday, I think it'll mkae me more accepting of women's lot in life

and bound to make me happier

Earnings are irrelevant in this situation. In what way does she work less than he does? Only at employed work. Domestic work is work, the clue is in the name housework.

No idea I can only conclude that you are either doing a hugely inappropriate 'joke' with your posts or that you are an enabler of unacceptable behaviour.

Either way, shame on you.

Just before I go, just imagine a very close family member of OP's was diagnosed with something terrible, would she give a shit if her husband helped her with the cleaning then. No of course she wouldn't, that is what I mean about it being a small issue and not worth her energy worrying about WHO does it.

IT ISN'T ABOUT THE HOUSEWORK ON ITS OWN.

Apologies for shouting.

Shorter noideaaboutanything: You should do the housework because cancer!

(Also - paragraphs are your friend.)

It is, her name is housework and the post is about housework nothing else, read it.

What are you talking about Tondelayo, what are you on about? Also I don't give a toss about paragraphs, I am smacked off my boobies on mogadon!!