DP will not do any housework. Nothing can move him. what can I do?

[housework]

DP has never done house work. Trying to get him to do it causes me immense stress as there are battles of words which are water off a duck's back to him but maker my heart beat and make me upset and frustrated.
We have moved to a larger house which now magnifies the issue.the conversation this morning went some thing like this:

Me: Now we've moved I really need yo to he as well he house is too big for just me to do.

Him: I told you we shouldn't have moved if you can't cope.

Me: I can cope but it's a fair and logical point that we support each other and share the housework.

Him: Oh I know why you're saying this, something to do with the toilet this morning.

Me: It's nothing to with anything except wanting to share the housework.

Him: I mowed the lawn yesterday.

Me: I'm talking about day to day housework.

Him: Is there something particular you want me to do?

Me: No I want to our to share the housework.

Him: don't ask me now. Why have you chosen now? Its because of the toilet isn't it.

Me: when is the time to ask? I don't want to ask. OK I want you to help with with the housework.

I can't believe I'm having this conversation again. He will not get a cleaner as I should do it all on my 2 days off.this man is highly respect d at work for his logic, ability to solve problems, see do afferent points of view etc but at home he can be an intractable pig. Anyone else think I can get him to share? Thanks for reading.

Oh well, if he only pisses on the seat and leaves it gor you to clan up, then he really is a catch and we are evil harpies talking bollocks. Truly, he is a prince amongst men

A million plantation shutters? Plantation sounds apt, considering that only a slave would be expected to clean up the urine of another adult capable of both continence and cleaning.

It's also gratifying to know that 7 is old enough for sitting in your father's foetid urine to be perfectly acceptable.

You don't need to justify it. He does his share of the work or hires it out. But hey, I have a feeling his not pulling his weight in the house is just one of many problems.

Yeah, what a catch. Treating your partner like a skivvy, servant, with disrespect and contempt, no matter what your or their gender, is bollocks and something I'd never put up with and do my best to teach my children not to put up with (or mete out themselves to anyone).

OP's DH: do stop digging. And do try to accept that a lot of blokes don't agree to housework 'in principle' - they just get on with it.

OK, he has agreed 'in principle' to make some changes. Be positive. It would be best to get a 'minimum pledge' firmly agreed at this point.

However, if things stay the same then you know things will never change.

"In principle" it means nothing and it sounds like an empty promise

Ah yes, those agreements 'in principle'! they are such fun! The person agreeing (in principle) thinks that it makes them look reasonable to have done so, while they think the challenger will look unreasonable by pressing further.

Actually the opposite is true.

So Mr AgreementInPrinciple, how about a bit less mouth and more trouser? Less Talk and more Action? just do a fair share of the housework every day and be a grown up?

Oh, she's 7. Well, that's entirely different. 7 is perfectly old enough to sit on your father's piss or clean it up for him

hey, Mr TooHighandMightyForTheHousework

you sound like an absolute tool

and a weird stalker

A man who does no domestic work at all is abusive. He is demonstrating that he considers his female partner as less than human and hugely inferior to him: she exists for his benefit and her own wishes, needs, ambitions, time are completely unimportant.

OP if you are still reading, get rid of him.

Talk about stalkerisk, fgs what is he doing tracking down your posts?? And even after readinh the comments he is still thinks his lack of domestic skills is ok and also thinks a 7yo should clear his toilet stain up-nice

Just to clarify for the OP, no you did not say he leaves shit all over the toilet seat, just piss.

And you said that you had to clean it up so that his daughter didn't sit on it or get it on her hands.

And also guests, of course. I'm guessing he wouldn't want his mum covered in his own piss.

I would hate him to think we thought he left shit on the toilet because that would be disgusting.

HTH

I didn't see shit on the toilet seat, either

I see a shit partner though

*hey, Mr TooHighandMightyForTheHousework

you sound like an absolute tool

and a weird stalker*

• 1 million

OP's PARTNER!!! No one has suggested you leave shit on the toilet seat. Only piss. Is shit not OK, but piss fine, then?

Not sure of the relevance of your dd being 7.

the relevance is

he is right and we are wrong

except that is bollocks

I don't think I can justify a cleaner if I'm off for 2 days

Why bother justifying it? If you want one and you can afford one, then bloody get one. Live your life, do things you want to do, go boating or skipping, or whatever, don't bother justifying such a pardon the pun piddling little thing. Life really is too short.

Housework is one thing which neither of you wants to do, so pay someone else to do it. You are supposed to be enjoying your lives, you know.

And Mr.OP, if you're still reading FFS, grow the fuck up!

I would dare to suggest that those childish and self centred qualities your husband has always had we're quite endearing when you first married, he was happy to be looked after and you were happy to do it, you said yourself you have never been able to get him to do housework. If my husband had pissed on the toilet seat then mentioned it to me I would have denied all knowledge of it and not pampered to his silly spoilt child ways. But what i am trying to say is why, just because you have changed your idea of a fair and happy relationship, should your husband do the same. Surely it was something you have been accepting for a long time , why does he need to change to suit you. And solid gold, as for someone not doing housework is abusive I have never heard such drivel in all my born days, if that is so surely OPworking less than him and earning less than him, then expecting him to cover more than half the bills is abusive. Such tosh I have been reading on here.

Lists are a good idea and then neither has to nag the other - you just do your own jobs and if you don't no one has clean washing or no one has dinner and you soon notice. Also if you have to guess by osmosis what the other person wants done that does't work. if it is 100% clear because only the man ever does the washing or only the woman ever cooks then everyone knows where they stand rather than some very vague - helping.

So, noidea, are you the husband?

I am a 46 year old woman who thinks that women should really stop worrying about irrelevant things and get on with their lives, it seems that the more time we women have the more problems we invent, it is not a REAL problem. My friends husband died three months ago and she was gutted that her whole married life was spent moaning about completely irrelevant issues that only come up when people, not just women tbf spend too much time thinking and not enough time doing. That is my whole issue here the bloke is obviously a spoilt brat but by acknowledging his silly moves to upset her she is feeding his strange idea of upsetting her clean the piss off the seat and then say, sorry love I have no idea!! What you are talking about I didn't see anything wrong with the toilet this morning. I can almost guarantee sp? That she loved looking after him until they had the DD and she moved to that bigger house which tbf he said she wouldn't cope with. He is obviously doing what he feels are the necessary attributes af a DH and father he provides for them and even let's her buy a house he clearly didn't want. He just has issues in other parts of his life, which we all have no one and I mean no one is perfect. When a vulnerable woman comes on here she needs solid advice not telling to leave her husband because he never cleans up and pisses on a toilet seat. Cme on think about what you are all telling this girl to do, she has a DD who needs her daddy to provide for her.

noidea are you inferring that if OP decides to dump the lazy husband, he should no longer feel obliged to provide for his daughter ?

Writing lists and allocating tasks still implies that you are responsible for planning and managing housework.

List is good if drawn up together.

Like previous posters, I think this man sounds disrespectful at least, if not something more sinister.

No idea, no one is saying that the man should work at employed work more and still do exactly 50% of the chores. They are saying that the total amount of work, both in and out of home should be divided fairly.

No and you know full well, at least I hope you do that is not what I meant, but he provides financially and with his presence and involvement in her life and that would inevitably change, no matter how we dress it up if they were apart. If he had done something REALLY bad I would think it better to get rid, I am not against it per se but we are talking about a bit of bloody housework for gods sake, let's put this into perspective. OP's husband has not changed his views on their marriage she has, she says herself he has never done any housework why is she still there than with a child now if that issue was so bad in the first place. I agree with her husnad if she couldn't cope she should not have moved to a bigger house. All I am trying to say is, if OP' time was filled doing the jobs that need doing she wouldn't have time to worry about who does them. She has not said that he does absolutely nothing he mows the lawns he maybe works long hours and doesn't have the time she does. Just get off mums net and stop inventing problems in another wise good marriage and get the bloody cleaning done. No one likes cleaning surely, but then her DH probably hates his job sometimes but still does it envy day. FFS is marriage really rocket science, I don't think so!

I think if dc is at school full time then you should be doing the majority of the housework really. I would allocate the same number of working hours to each of you. Include travel time and shopping, sorting appointments etc.

Any housework that genuinely can't be done in the allocated time should be shared equally.

Sorry but there are threads on here about sahd who are expected to do the majority of the work. If DH works 5 days and only has 2 off whilst you have 4 days off then sharing housework equally isn't really fair