Everything has fallen apart :-(

[me23]

I havent bothered to change my name for this, some of you might know my situation Im 9 weeks pregnant,.I was going to have an abortion but at the last minute boyf said please dont, so I disnt and we spoke and decided to keep the baby and he said he'd be there all they way. we've been sorting out the house just bought carpets etc.. then last night he tells me it'sover he doesnt love me he wants to be free to go out whenever he wants and be with other girls etc... im devastated i dont know what to do sorry this doesnt make much sense im still reeeling from it, i was feeling so confident and happy now my world has fallen apart, we have been having problems but we were sticking it out, i cant believe he has done this now, what do i do?

The absolute s--t.
Am so sorry for you Me23, cannot believe your guy could be THAT insensitive.

Has he discussed his reasons with you?

Will he still be a support to you and your baby?

How long were you together?

Sorry me23, I don't really have any advice and didn't see your earlier threads but just wanted to say I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Do you think this is really over or is he panicking about the responsibility of a baby. Is he likely to change his mind when things have calmed down?

So sorry - you must feel wretched.

B*stard.

You are NOT alone. There are many, many members here who are single mums and you know what, they are coping and doing it!

Single mums out there, me23 needs support!

we were together a 16 months I was 7 months pregnant wehen we met, so is basically already isa father to my dd so he knows what parenthood entails, he has got problems with depression and anxiety but thats no excusefor fucking with my head, i dont want to be single mum to two kids, if i dont reoplly soon it cuxz hes still in the house.

Bloody hell me23 what a horrible shock for you.

Do you think there's a chance he's just panicking about being a Dad?

And no, no matter what his problems are, it isn't an excuse. You're right.

Hope you're OK.

he's just sitting on the bed watching tv, im so lost, he dosnt realise that this is the time we need to try our hardest to make it wrk, he thinks this is the best time to leave. he wants me to have an abortion, maybe that would be best considering the circumstances.
I really didnt think he was like this, I thought he was a real man who would face his responsibilities, he's been saying one thing and thinkinganother asll this time i dont know where to go from here.

Me23....just seen this and didn't realise you are still pg. you poor hun. I can't post fully just now but I will later. x

I am so sorry to hear about your situation..
If your partner has depression, his behaviour is likely to fluctuate from extremes. It's completely unacceptable but depression is a cruel monster that can really destroy a person.

I wouldn't want to be with someone who made such cruel decisions and requests. If you want the baby, then know that you are strong and able to do it without him. If you don't, get to a doctor sooner rather than later. There are no easy answers, but do not allow him to dictate your future. You may need to be the strong one here, I hope you can do it for your DD.. and obviously yourself. He needs medical help, sadly there might not be much you can do
xxxxx

Oh Me23 I'm sorry he has done this to you, really not fair...no wonder you are upset and confused...

To tell you the truth I would boot him out and have a long hard think about things.

You are only 9 weeks pregnant, you still have options.

Do you have friends you can talk to or your mum or something?

Really thinking of you-- please feel free to email me if it helps

xxx

He sounds ever so young to be becoming a father. I don't know his age, but his attitude alone sounds like a teenage boy. Whatever you decide, whatever happens in the next few days, he doesn't sound very reliable, so don't make plans for anything you can't face alone.

thanks he's just gone now he has appoinment with psychyitrist. He wasnt going to go but i made him he hasnt taken his tablets for 4 days now becuase he ran out of them. so he needs tosee her to get more. I made him bring dd becuase im too ill to look after her (ive had terriblemorning sickness all day, and my head isall over the place.
I dont have any1 in rl to talk to my mum died end of 2004 and ive been isolated since having dd and the pnd didnt help.
it just doesnt make sense he just bought carpet for my flat 2 days ago, he has been living here. Just yesterday we were talking about everything we need to make the place nice. It's too much to take in, it's too bizarre and wrong.

Can you speak to your GP or ask them to suggest someone who you can talk too? I don't know if Relate do any kind of emergency counselling or phone help, perhaps someone else knows.

I think you need to speak to someone in person. MN will support you but you also need some kind of RL support.

I wonder if he has bi-polar personality disorder (or whatever it is called..) It sounds like he goes from one extreme to another..

If he's not taking his medication his behaviour will inevitable be impacted. It sounds to me that he fundamentally wants to be with you, BUT he's probably scared and worried..

It sounds silly, but he'll be going through a lot of feelings as a result of your pregnancy. When we are the ones suffering it's hard to remember the impact it can have on the men!

xxx

he says that he cant 'feel' anything, eg,love etc... like when he told me he wanted to leave last night, he had no emotion in his voice although he said sorry etc... he said he cant feel in love with me but he does love me.
i dont understand!
just before he left he had a go at ME because HE had forgotten he had money in the drawer.
i'm making another appointment for abortion because i might have to wait a while for it, so i might aswell have the appoinmet there if i need it.

Not being able to feel is part of depression...

I snagged this from NHS, it might not provide much help to your situation, but it may help you understand is behaviour:

Symptoms

continuous low / ‘blue’ mood or sadness;
feelings of hopelessness and helplessness;
low self-esteem;
tearfulness;
feelings of guilt;
feeling irritable and intolerance of others;
lack of motivation, and little interest in and difficulty making decisions;
lack of enjoyment;
suicidal thoughts / thoughts of harming someone else;
feeling anxious or worried;
reduced sex drive.

I've tried to see if there are any numbers you can call for support..I found a forum that may help you:

www.trappedminds.org/

If you want to talk, you can e-mail me: [email protected]

I agree that bringing a baby into the world at such a tense time, might not be the best thing. What you need to try and do is focus on you and your DD. It sounds insane - but forget your partner for a moment. Could you cope without him?
xxx

me23 I think the fact that dp has not been taking his meds has impacted on him and his rationale. I think you need to make your decision based on how you feel, and what feels right for you as he has already messed you about before and if things are unstable in your relationship then thats a big factor and has been a worry from the start. You are doing the right thing having a back up plan and maybe see in a couple of days after he has got his meds.

The future is a long one and so do what is right for you. - Thinking of you

With regard to the love thing I think there are two types of love but this is obviously a personal view, in love with passion and adoration etc as you do partners and love and care as in family and friends all be it at varying levels of course.

thanks ive been trying to sleep but i cant, my hed is all over the place ive never felt so helpless, i cant stop crying.
theres nothing i can do, im pathetic but ive been begging him to give it another go but he says no his hearts not in it, he doesnt have feelinjg forme, he prefers being out to stayiojn gin with me. im so hurt i thought i was an ok person.

he says it not that, it me he dont feel anything for me, he doesnt even want to try. he fancies other girls. I cant take this, I should tell him to get out of my house but i need him here even if its just to look after dd coz i cant sdo anything now.
he said he still will sort the house out for me and live here if i want him to but we wont be together!!
i'm on msn [email protected]

I agree floating on the med, it has nothing to do with you ME23

I know it's hard to see this at the moment, but in a way it's better that you find this out now than say when you are heavily pregnant or after the baby is born.

My ex left the country when I was very pregnant (ie well after I could have had an abortion) came back just before I had the baby, then had an affair when my dd was six weeks old
(I know, what an arse)

At least now you still have options. If you decide to keep the baby then you will be going into the process with your eyes wide open. If you decide to have an abortion then you still have time.

Of course you are going to feel hurt and let down and cross ( as much as it's possible I'm feeling all those things on your behalf at the moment!) but you are strong and you'll get through this one way or another, I promise.

Really really thinking of you
xxxxxxx

It's him not you.
He is mentally ill.
You are strong but emotional.
Despite it being the worst timing, at least he's been honest.
Relationships ending are impossible enough, but I think you need to try and move away from him.

With regards to the pregnancy. What is your heart telling you? Forget about your head, as that will be logical and rational. If your heart isn't in it, book an abortion.. your heart is the thing that will suffer if you do something you didn't really want to.

There will be other men. From what I can tell your current partner came along when you were pregnant? So, you should know that there are always possibilities.

Try and stay strong. You can't help him or change him, he needs to do what he needs to do. I wouldn't recommend you living together though, it will hurt and confuse you and your child more than separating amicably will!

Lots of love
x

thanks bluejelly, you are right better i found out now, i just so wanted everything to be ok i really thought it would be, y'know after he asked menot to have abortion i had to get my head round having another baby so i threw myselfin to it and was happy, then he does this!
does anyone have morals anymore? i mean my dad would never habve done this for eg, thats why i cant believe its happening to me Again dd's dad leftme the same why basically except we were only together a few months. I didnt expect to be messd around again, i thought my life was finally loojking up i sought help for PND, got a job, was/am in love.
i thought this was it, this was my life now everything is destroyed and i dont even know him or myself anymore.

Good post lilstarry
God I wish I had mumsnet when I was going through my pregnancy!