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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Everything has fallen apart :-(

173 replies

me23 · 26/05/2006 10:00

I havent bothered to change my name for this, some of you might know my situation Im 9 weeks pregnant,.I was going to have an abortion but at the last minute boyf said please dont, so I disnt and we spoke and decided to keep the baby and he said he'd be there all they way. we've been sorting out the house just bought carpets etc.. then last night he tells me it'sover he doesnt love me he wants to be free to go out whenever he wants and be with other girls etc... im devastated i dont know what to do sorry this doesnt make much sense im still reeeling from it, i was feeling so confident and happy now my world has fallen apart, we have been having problems but we were sticking it out, i cant believe he has done this now, what do i do?

OP posts:
FirstNikki · 30/05/2006 09:57

Good luck today me23 x

SSSandy · 30/05/2006 10:00

Thinking of you today.

Original poster
me23 · 30/05/2006 10:03

thanks for the support I'm going in at 4, don't know how long ill have to be there for until the sedation has worn off a bit i guess, It would be easier if i had someone else to be there with me, coz i dont think I'll really want to be seeing him afterwards.
It's for dd though she needs to be loooked after as i will be drowsy etc.. and he needs to move my furniture for the carpts to be fitted tomorrow.
after that he can do what he likes.

OP posts:
jabberwocky · 30/05/2006 10:08

Hi me23, I have only just caught up with this. I'm so sorry you've been jerked around like this. I think you are doing the right thing and thinking of you today. i wish I lived closer, but please email me if you want to chat privately with someone who has been through it. Just remember to be kind to yourself, know that you will be emotional but that you are doing what's best for you and your dd.

FloatingOnTheMed · 30/05/2006 10:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

holliec · 30/05/2006 10:14

just to say good luck for today.you must do what you feel is right for you.lots of people will be sitting in the waiting room with you in spirit,so you are not alone..

bluejelly · 30/05/2006 10:26

Wish I could come and help you out, Me23.
Will be holding your hand in spirit, if that's not too weird a thing to say!
In my experience the staff were really lovely, very caring and reassuring, so you won't feel alone...

Original poster
me23 · 30/05/2006 11:50

thanks for being so kind everyone, yeah will hopefully speak later fotm,
bluejelly no it doesnt sound weird it is comforting x

OP posts:
HappyMumof2 · 30/05/2006 20:00

hope you are ok me23 x

Hoopoe · 30/05/2006 23:26

Hope you're ok xxx

cheeseypeas · 30/05/2006 23:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted

SSSandy · 31/05/2006 09:34

me24, how are you feeling today?

jabberwocky · 01/06/2006 00:10

Just checking in to see how you are. Hope everything is OK.

Original poster
me23 · 01/06/2006 09:11

I couldn't do it on tuesday, because I had a some coke to drink and I was only supposed to have water, can't believe I was so stupid, so I'm doing it today now.
Everything is happening at once, my new job called and they want me to start asap, so I have to sort oiut childcare asap and I don't know how exacrtly to go about it. as well as everything else going on, the carpet people forgot to bring bedroom carpet so gota deal with that too.

OP posts:
FN · 01/06/2006 10:04

Good luck today Me23, ring the local council or check your local authority online and they will be able to give you contact numbers for registered childminders, being a single parent you should also get childcare vouchers which covers I think 70% of the cost of care. Also visit www.direct.gov.uk which has loads of advice and contact numbers for benefits and childcare etc.

Don't worry about the carpet that material, you get today out of the way and then concentrate on your job and organise childcare. Your future will then unroll.

jabberwocky · 01/06/2006 15:10

Hi, me23, sorry to hear about Tuesday's mixup. I know you just want to get it over with. Take care, remember to just do some deep breathing and stay as calm as possible. Everything will work itself out. Once you are done with the procedure you will be able to concentrate better on everything else. For today, just take it one step at a time.

Thinking of you,
jabber

Original poster
me23 · 02/06/2006 08:45

Hi, it's done now, felt quite ill afterwards, so the nurse gave me an injection to stop the sickness. I slept straight away as soon as I got home.
I'm trying not to think about it too much. I know it was the best decision though.
The cis have sent me a list of childminders in my area so I have a few to ring today fingers crossed I'll find a compatible person.

OP posts:
FN · 02/06/2006 09:01

Best of luck now for your future and good luck with the new job. Be strong and put yourself and dd first. x

SSSandy · 02/06/2006 09:28

good luck with everything!Smile

madamechocolat · 02/06/2006 09:41

Me 23 - have been following your thread and hope that you are feeling a little better. This has been so tough on you (physically and emotionally) but look how you have stood up to it all. You are to be admired - if you can get through this you can get through anything woman! Good luck with the childcare search. x

plummymummy · 02/06/2006 12:16

So sorry to hear it turned out like this me23. Hope you are ok xx

jabberwocky · 02/06/2006 15:36

Hi, me23. So sorry you've felt sick afterwards. It does take a bit of time to recover from the procedure, but you should be feeling much better after the weekend. Try to rest up as much as you can, and a heating pad can really help the cramping.

forestfern · 02/06/2006 16:01

What a terrible mess pregnancy can get us women in. Such a sad story, you have done the right thing I am sure. You will need to rebuild your self-esteem and havin ganything to do with this man again will only destroy you over time. It sounds like you have been very strong, and without realising it maybe yet, this will all have destroyed your love for him anyway.

Continue to be strong and you will be fine. We women are stronger than we think. We forget than carpets and MOTs and all that stuff are not rocket science!! I am sure that we get deskilled and needy the more time we spend with a man. They just seem to want to do everything for you and then can drop you like a hot brick! Them having kept their contact with the outside worlds and their skills. Some women dont even learn to drive if they marry too young.

Original poster
me23 · 02/06/2006 16:52

thankyou all so much, it does help knowing that there is support out there!
This whole situation has made me realise that dd and myself are the most important people, and I will strive to make our lives happy. I have arranged intervews with 2 childminders on mon, one of whom is even willing to do weekend becuase i will have to work on some saturday and previoulsy i would have had to rely on ex to look after dd.
ex is now wanting to stay here and see if we work out but tbh forestfern you may be right about this whole episode destroying the love i had, I wouldnt say iot is that strong rright now but i definately do not trust him one bit! I also have losta lot of respect forhim, I believe i derserve more.
im sur ein a few days he realsie he doeswant other girls anyway.

OP posts:
Securlurking · 02/06/2006 16:54

Me23 you DO deserve more, he has behaved awfully to you

In your own time though, just don't let yourself get dragged into a situation that is not good for you and dd

SLxx

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