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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Everything has fallen apart :-(

173 replies

me23 · 26/05/2006 10:00

I havent bothered to change my name for this, some of you might know my situation Im 9 weeks pregnant,.I was going to have an abortion but at the last minute boyf said please dont, so I disnt and we spoke and decided to keep the baby and he said he'd be there all they way. we've been sorting out the house just bought carpets etc.. then last night he tells me it'sover he doesnt love me he wants to be free to go out whenever he wants and be with other girls etc... im devastated i dont know what to do sorry this doesnt make much sense im still reeeling from it, i was feeling so confident and happy now my world has fallen apart, we have been having problems but we were sticking it out, i cant believe he has done this now, what do i do?

OP posts:
Original poster
me23 · 27/05/2006 22:15

well now i know wats been going on, he was on his way to meet that girl who i found out he had txt.
last sat he went out clubbing the night he met her she a mate iof his mate, and he stayed out all night he told me at his mate but found out he stayed at hers and pulled her.
so i thought u know wat fuck it im txting her, i did told her i was pregnant etc..
he went mad punched hold in my bathroom door, (i was in there txting her)
anyway she txtback saying so, congratualtions im not interested in him,
hes left now

OP posts:
Xavielli · 27/05/2006 22:42

Oh no! Just concentrate on yourself hun, do what you think is right!

HappyMumof2 · 28/05/2006 08:33

You've done the right thing. Don't let him back. Bag up his stuff and throw him out.

You deserve so much more than this.

Your dd shouldn't be around this either. He sounds unstable.

I know it's hard if you love him but he obviously doesn't love you. Better you know now while you still have options x

Original poster
me23 · 28/05/2006 14:37

he came back he had nowhere to stay and seemed in a mess so let him stay in dds room, he's all over the place one minute saying I love you etc...then I wana be with other girls!
Ive lost all trust for him I just need him out soon as possible.

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Original poster
me23 · 28/05/2006 14:38

oh yeah happy mum of2, my email address is [email protected] if you wnan emailme x

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Original poster
me23 · 28/05/2006 18:55

he has gone now, he is coming for his stuff tomorow or tuesday, it hasnt really sunk in yet, i cant believe it Sad

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HappyMumof2 · 28/05/2006 18:55

where he is now? still there?

I know it's hard but you've got to get him out. The longer he's there the more he's going to mess up your head. He might be saying he loves you but it's not enough. He's not showing it. If he really loved you, this wouldn't have happened.

HappyMumof2 · 28/05/2006 18:56

should say where is he now?

HappyMumof2 · 28/05/2006 18:56

x posts - did he leave or did you throw him out?

Original poster
me23 · 28/05/2006 18:59

he was saying ill live here if you want me too not for me but to help you cope! I said I'm not a bloody charity case, and he expected to stay here while he's going oput meeting other girls I told him no-way i mean is he actually mad!

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HappyMumof2 · 28/05/2006 19:01

oh god, I had that too. Thinking it was open access to my home and my baby but no support for me whilst he went out and had his fun.......

you are well rid. Although it doesn't feel like it atm.

What about the baby? Have you made any decisions?

Original poster
me23 · 28/05/2006 19:06

yeah ive decided to have an abortion, it is the best thing for me in this situation.
he is getting me the money tomorrow or tues.
I'm on msn if you ever wana chat sounds like we've been through similar situations.

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HappyMumof2 · 28/05/2006 19:09

ok x

Original poster
me23 · 28/05/2006 19:51

I feel so crap, when im feeling lonely want to call him buit i can't because he doesnt want me anymore.
it hurts so much thinking of him enjoying been with other girls flirting etc.. it makes me feel sick.
I don't know how I'm going to cope, It sounds pathetic but I don't want to be on my own.

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Original poster
me23 · 29/05/2006 10:12

last night he call;ed at 3 am he was outside my house wating to stay, i was half asleep just wanted to go back to bed so said yes i know i should have refused but i was too tired for drama.
he started saying i love you, i dont want to be with anyone else etc..
of course i wasnt having any of it,
then this morning he said he thinks he meant what he said he needs a few days to think about it.
I really think he is unstable what kind of sane person would be like that?
I've made an appointment for the abortion it is tomorrow.

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HappyMumof2 · 29/05/2006 10:31

that must be so hard..... he's giving you mixed messages and it's not fair. He does sound unstable. Is he on any medication?

You have to think to yourself though, if you take him back now, you are setting yourself up for a long time. Do you want him in your life if he is going to mess you around like this? I think you need to regain control and decide what you want to do, regardless of what he is or isn't saying.

Better you know now how he blows hot and cold than 6mths, even a year or two down the line.

Do you have anyone to go with tomorrow? Someone to look after your dd? x

Original poster
me23 · 29/05/2006 11:49

yeah it is hard because of course I don't want him to go,so him sending mixed messages is just messing meup and is quite cruel imo.
I'm just going to give up hope on us, that way I can't be disappointed.
I only have him to come with me, but he will have to wait outside with dd while im in there, then stay with me a bit at home to look after her while I recover from the sedation.
As well as that I have carpets been fitted on weds sohe has to move the furniture out of the rooms forme.

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FirstNikki · 29/05/2006 13:27

Me23 best of luck tomorrow its sounds as though you are donig the right thing for you. He sounds as though when he has no where to go he says things to you and confuses the hell out of you, now you have busted him with this girl he has probably had to re-think. Concentrate on yourself and soon things will become clearer and you will be happier having done the right thing for you.

When you are feeling up to it try and find a toddler group or single mums group for you and DD so you can meet a new circle of friends.

Original poster
me23 · 29/05/2006 13:37

thanks first nikki, he just called saying can't we be friends! we need each other, he really didnt understand it when I was left speechless by that, he said I have scared this other girl off, I doubt it but anyway thats neither here nor there, he said he thinks he is losing it but again that isnt an excuse for messing with my head.
he also threatened not to come tomorrow because I'm not being nice to him Angry

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SSSandy · 29/05/2006 13:46

Hi
You may be feeling very down after the abortion tomorrow. Can you have a friend stay with you, but not this guy? For one thing, your hormone levels will drop once you're no longer pregnant, it can make you feel very sad. You may feel upset about it all too.

No one likes the idea of being on their own, you know. It IS scary. I am sure though that after this pregnancy issue is resolved one way or another and you have him out of your life for say 2 months, you will be asking yourself how you could have ever wanted him around.

Take care of yourself now

HappyMumof2 · 29/05/2006 17:14

me23, I have emailed you. I hope you are feeling okay this evening x

suejonez · 29/05/2006 17:21

Aha! The Old "can't we be friends" line - how many of us have heard that one over the years? Have you tried "I already have friends thanks and they none of them treat me as badly as you do"

HappyMumof2 · 30/05/2006 07:43

Thinking of you today me23 x

Original poster
me23 · 30/05/2006 09:23

I've emailed you happymumof2,
I ended up speakig to the girl he pulled the other night, basically it was nothing to her she didnt have a clue whats going on I tought she should know. I'm glad I spoke to her. It pissed him off totally.
yesterday he was saying can't we still care about each other etc...
then when I said I don't exactly feel firendly towards him at the moment and I don't thing we can be mates.
He started saying well never mind I'm going to move to Glasgow! (he'snever mnetioned the placebefore or been there etc,,)He is very unstable his head not with it at all, I hope the tablets kick in soon and he sorts his head out.

as for me I'm feeling apprehensive about today, I know it is the best thing to do but it is still sad.

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bluejelly · 30/05/2006 09:28

Hi me23 good luck today. What time you going in?