Everything has fallen apart :-(

[me23]

I havent bothered to change my name for this, some of you might know my situation Im 9 weeks pregnant,.I was going to have an abortion but at the last minute boyf said please dont, so I disnt and we spoke and decided to keep the baby and he said he'd be there all they way. we've been sorting out the house just bought carpets etc.. then last night he tells me it'sover he doesnt love me he wants to be free to go out whenever he wants and be with other girls etc... im devastated i dont know what to do sorry this doesnt make much sense im still reeeling from it, i was feeling so confident and happy now my world has fallen apart, we have been having problems but we were sticking it out, i cant believe he has done this now, what do i do?

I wondered if he would do yet another aboutface on you. I would feel the same as far as not trusting him. And, really, a relationship is built on trust. I know it's easy for someone outside the situation to say, let him go, especially as you are probably still feeling very emotional about everything. In the long run, imo, I think you are better off without him. There is just no excuse for his behavior during this very difficult time.

me23, how are you?

Me23, I haven't posted on this before but please be careful about getting back with him. His behaviour worries me. He does this to you, forcing you into a situation where you had to terminate - putting all the decision making onto you, then wants to come back? He sounds very manipulative to me. Now that you've terminated he wants to work things out? I'd be very cynical if I was you.

I was a single parent for a long time before I met my dp and had one significant shit boyfriend in that time. It was so soul destroying to be in that situation. I hope everything works out well for you.

Hi, I'm ok I've just been very busy the last few days, with organising childcare and house stuff etc..
Plus I just needed time away from thinking about things, so it's a good thing I've been so busy keeps me occupied.
I feel ok about the abortion I know it wass the right thing to do, but at the sametime I feel strange about feeling ok like I should be feeling devastated.
Sparkly1 thanks for posting, I have taken what you say on board and believe me I am a lot stronger now than I was, and he knows it, the fact is I don't feel weak anymoreand I know if I wasn't with him my life will be fine I will survive. He knows he has to earn my trust and that I don't have much faith at the moment.

Glad you're feeling strong me23. Don't worry that you are not feeling devastated, three of my friends as well as myself have had terminations and none of us have felt devastated....

Have you got the childcare sorted? When are you planning to go back to work?

Hi bluejelly I was planning to email you today (I still will do ) I met 2 childminders yesterday (there are not many options in my neck of the woods) but luckily one of them was very good! so I will be going with her she also does weekends which is good coz I'll have to work a few saturdays. I'm phoning work today to sort out a start date, but it might be delayed further as thety need to see visual id and i havent got a passport so will take 2 weeks to get one

Hi i feel so stupid, he has left me now after saying just yeterday that he will prove himself to me he only wants to be with me.
I'm so upset I had family round today because it was dd birthday yesterday, and i kept runnning off to the toilets to cry.
I don't feel strong now I miss him and want him to be with me, I dont know what to do, I havent got anyone to talk to.

Anyone there?

Have been following this thread but haven't posted until now - how are you feeling now? I can't believe that he's messing you around so much - it's beyond belief that anyone can behave like this. But just because he's managed to hurt you again, it doesn't mean that you're not strong - you can cope and you will feel as though you can, even if it takes a bit.

Thanks for replying, i havent got anyone to speak to im just here on my own (with dd) whiles he off out watching football and drinking, I wanted everything to be ok, I thought he was going to try to prove himself to me like he said how can his feeling change so quickly?
I feel like I dont want him to leave, Im so upset

((((hugs))))

It's about the most sensible thing I can offer at the moment. He just seems to be behaving like a particularly unpleasant teenager rather than any kind of adult with responsibilities. The only thing I can suggest is try and stay as cool as you can, don't make any decisions - or force any arguments - until you feel a bit better, and quite possibly go and get you and dd a very large ice-cream.

I suspect he may be messing you around like this because he can't handle you being strong - but you have a choice. Either he gets you back to how you were (and why would you want that) or you keep hold of what you have learnt and move forward.

And to be honest, everything that has happened shows that you are the strong one. He doesn't seem to know what he wants or how to go about it, never mind how to behave reasonably. You're the one keeping it together for your dd, and you know you can do it.

((((more hugs))))

I cant be strong im falling apart, i cant stop crying, he keeps ignoring my calls and now hes switched his phone off.

It will get better, I know it's almost impossible to imagine now, but it will. You just have to get through this bit as best as you can. Is there anyone nearby who could come round, or who you can go and see, just to take your mind off things?

And you are strong, you've proved it already - you may not be feeling it right now, but you so are.

I wish there was someone, i dont have anyone. Im all alone, he said he would phone me when the football finished but hes just ignoring me, and i cant stop crying.

well you're not alone, as all of the people who've posted on here are proof. It's pretty quiet now (with the weekend, and the weather and so on) but there will be loads more people around this evening to support you and I know people have offered to email you and so on, so they really want to help.

I know it's really hard, but the best thing to do is to ignore him back, even if that means putting the phone under a cushion and going upstairs to cry. Is there anything you can do with dd to distract yourself?

thanks, i know i should, but i just keep phoning him oveR AND OVER i must have called over 100 times.wtf is wrong with me.
he knows im upset i dont know why hes doing this to me.

thanks, i know i should, but i just keep phoning him oveR AND OVER i must have called over 100 times.wtf is wrong with me.
he knows im upset i dont know why hes doing this to me.

It's so hard isn't it - we've all done it. Even though they only come running back at the point when you get tough and hard and strong and don't care any more.

Please try and stay strong - I've got to pop out now, but will check back later on this evening to make sure you're ok. Do try and find a distraction, even if it's just a whole box of jaffa cakes or something, cuddle dd lots and you WILL be ok.

tcxx

It's so easy to get yourself in that cycle, me23. Turn off your phone and/or get it out of your sight. Try to get involved in something else, perhaps with your dd? Maybe even get out of the house entirely. Is it a pretty day? Could you take her to the park? I know how some men can make you feel as if you cannot survive without them, but you absolutely can. In fact, you have proven that already by making some hard decisions for you and your dd's future. Just take some deep breaths (cliche', I know, but it really does help) and try to take it one step at a time. Just tell yourself, "I won't think about him for the next 15 minutes" and then gradually lengthen out the time frame. When you start obsessing about him again try to divert yourself asap.

Thinking of you, and HTH

Jabber

thankyou tcotb, im glad im not the only one to be so foolish! im just astonished at his lack of empathy and his level of cruelty.
jabber thankyuo, i emailed u the other day. it is a lovely day today im gona tp cover up my teary eyes and take dd tothe park,
Ill be back in a bit.
thankyou (still feeling awful mind u)x

Thanks fotm, hopefully ill get to speak to you soon.
I'm feeling very sad, the thing that makes it worse is that he is feeling fine hes off to the pub now, oh he finally called me apparantly he didnt answer because he didnt want to be arguing with me in front of his friends.
We've been through so much together, he's been there from the 1st day of dds life so he is basically her dad.
It hurts souch that he doesnt feel anytig for me including sadness at the break up of our relationship, it makes me feel like im shit! and that what has this year and a half been about, if it doesnt mean anything to him.

It is hard to see how people can just turn themselves off emotionally. I guess it is sometimes a coping mechanism, but that doesn't make it any easier for everyone else. It sounds like to me that he got completely overwhelmed when you got pregnant and is now running scared...and running. It sounds harsh, but I guess it's better to know that he can't be there in the tough times rather sooner than later, although this was a sh*tty way to find out. And, it's tough for you since you are even more emotional and hormonal right now.Maybe try to feel sorry for him that he is so emotionally immature and in so doing perhaps you can start to distance yourself from him.

thanks jabber, I know he has mental health issues that interfere with his feelings but even if you cant feel something you are still intelligent enough to consider somebody elses feeling and try to see things from their perspective.
he just appears to be tactless and he is a clever guy.
I just spoke to his phone she is lovely I couldnt bring myself to tell her he's left, she thinks he is still staying here when he will be going back to hers so it will look like the conversation I just had with her was totally fake, I hope she doesnt dislike me when she finds out, I feel bad. Also she wanted to speak to him so I called his mobile to tell him and he ignored me.