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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Everything has fallen apart :-(

173 replies

me23 · 26/05/2006 10:00

I havent bothered to change my name for this, some of you might know my situation Im 9 weeks pregnant,.I was going to have an abortion but at the last minute boyf said please dont, so I disnt and we spoke and decided to keep the baby and he said he'd be there all they way. we've been sorting out the house just bought carpets etc.. then last night he tells me it'sover he doesnt love me he wants to be free to go out whenever he wants and be with other girls etc... im devastated i dont know what to do sorry this doesnt make much sense im still reeeling from it, i was feeling so confident and happy now my world has fallen apart, we have been having problems but we were sticking it out, i cant believe he has done this now, what do i do?

OP posts:

twocatsonthebed · 13/06/2006 09:28

hello, how's it going?

Original poster

me23 · 13/06/2006 11:09

well i let him stay last night cuz he hadnt sorted anywhere, he was in a really bad way anxious and depressed. so i said he cud stay again tonight im quite worried about him don'tnknow what to do.

OP posts:

FN · 13/06/2006 12:23

I don't mean to be mean but are you sure he is not playing this one out so you let him stay and he doesn't have to find somewhere to live??

Amanda1 · 13/06/2006 12:47

FN said what I was going to post earlier. I was also going to add that he certainly hasnt worried about you during any of this. I'm not sure you should be worrying about him. I went through an awful break up last year and got through it thanks to lovely mners who cared and offered really good advice. Please listen to the women here - they know what they're talking about.

I think you need to be strong and decide that your home is for you and dd. Not him. He's made the decision to end the relationship so let him worry about where he stays. He's not your problem. He's an adult and he should have thought about this when he was busy messing you around. Time to turn the tables on him I think.

FloatingOnTheMed · 13/06/2006 17:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

me23 · 15/06/2006 09:06

hi, ihave told him to go. he is being selfish by wanting to conitnue staying here and he even admitted that. We talkked last night and he apologised for the way things have turned out. (ended upin bed regret it now.)
then in middle of night went loo and saw he had recieved 2 txt from same girl along the lines of 'hi babe wot u doin im lyin in bed' then another saying 'why arent u replying' he said she is some 18 year old 'mate' who he ws going to watch footy with fgs.
He is full of shit, I deserve so much more.

OP posts:

FN · 15/06/2006 09:18

me23 glad you have seen what he is actually doing and whatever happening with this girl shows his lack of commitment to you too. lets face it if she is texting in bed well it says it all.

You do so deserve more and you will get it too one day. Best of luck with your job

FloatingOnTheMed · 15/06/2006 09:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

me23 · 15/06/2006 13:15

Thanks. it hurts, that he couldnt even wait till he left the house. im so angry and offended, and shes only 18 he almost 10years older.

OP posts:

FN · 15/06/2006 13:27

He should know better me23, you anger will phase when you come to terms with what has happened and you look back on things you will feel relief. x

Original poster

me23 · 16/06/2006 19:06

fkin hell, today he called saying is it ok if he comes to see me after wrk, i saidok, so he due to turnup any sec then i call and hes in the fkin pub and he didnt even callto tell me he aint coming. why is he doin this to me?
hesthe one thatsaidhe wantedtosee me.

OP posts:

Kathlean · 16/06/2006 19:20

Because he is using the power YOU give him to keep you dangling and waiting around for him like an idiot.

There is no point in us telling you to kick him to the kerb it has to come from you.

You will wise up eventually and tell him no. I just hope it is sooner rather than later for your own good.

Kathlean · 16/06/2006 19:21

Sorry I hope that didn't seem harsh it's frustrating to see you being treated like this though.

Original poster

me23 · 16/06/2006 19:57

nou are right and sometimesi can look outside it and see wats goin on. but then othertimes he seems so sincere when he says thing itconfuses me.
im not going to calll him again x

OP posts:

FN · 16/06/2006 21:16

me23 its deep down the little hope..... but start to treat him as he does you and he will get the message and you will begin to feel better.

Original poster

me23 · 16/06/2006 22:50

thanks fn, I know that is what I need to do, I just too nice! because I have been so naive. far too trusting.
he txt me earlier say he was thinking about us today and it made himmsad, and that he doesnt hate me he just needs to do what he wana do for a while.

OP posts:

SecurMummy · 16/06/2006 23:14

I know a song about that lol

FN · 17/06/2006 19:15

sadly again he has said 'for a while' what does he want to do play the field and then come back when he is ready? Sometimes in our lifes we have to declutter the negativity that pulls us down and that means men sometimes and move on

Original poster

me23 · 18/06/2006 17:09

right update, yep securmummy I know that song too that night he sent the txt he ended up outside my house (which is the other side of london from whre he was)at 3.30 in morning I was too tired fro arguments let him stay. although told him that was unaccepatble. now today he has said he want us to get back together there will be no-more girls etc... hmm now why dont i believe him! he has also said he thinks it will be too hard to be mate with me. I just think he taking me for a right mug, I've told him I dont believe a word he says! he makes me so and
but obv I still have feelings for him otherwise I wouldn't be obsessing!

OP posts:

FN · 19/06/2006 09:53

of course you have feelings for him they don't just switch off, you have been very hurt and it takes time, although anger and trying to be logical about things takes the front seat (or should do).

Stick to your guns me23

jabberwocky · 19/06/2006 09:59

Sorry I haven't been around very regularly me23. I know it's very, very hard in the beginning, but try to be strong. Take a stand with him and don't budge. Every time he gains a little ground by staying over, etc. makes him think he can be back to having everything just the way he wants it. He has broken your trust over and over. Keep telling yourself that. It will get easier.

Original poster

me23 · 19/06/2006 22:01

right I told him tonight that I don't want to get back together with him, I said he has 2 weeks to find somewhere to live.
I want to be happy and he has lied too much I can never believe him again.
and that's noway to live constantly checking upon someone you should trust.

OP posts:

FN · 21/06/2006 14:34

Well done me23 you seem to be getting stronger now.

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