It appears ive been dumped - again.

[samethingdifferentman]

Every damn time.
Same old story, you have a few dates, you eventually sleep with them, they vanish into thin air.

I thought this one was different, before we had sex he was talking about stuff we could do together this weekend, and ' next time' and it was all good, this was last weekend, Since then ive had a few texts and thats it. Our plans for last night, which HE organised came to nothing.

Its just so bloody depressing and such a cliche.

Ok SueDnym, no need to shout!
And I know the difference between a date and a hook-up.

It's rare imo to agree a quick drink in advance - yes if its a daytime coffee but in the evening normally it's more of a 'see how it goes' if there is no spark or attraction, then you might well bail after 1 or 2 drinks, if it goes well you'd still be there til closing time and go back for coffee after.

My first date with the man I am currently seeing lasted over 7 hours in the pub and talking outside afterwards (no sex, incidentally, fwiw).

The right time to have sex when doing OD or any other kind of dating is when you both want to. Same as if you meet someone in RL in a bar.

I don't understand why anyone would think this is different.

And I know the difference between a date and a hook-up.

I'm not entirely sure you do, if you have to ask how a date works to be spelled out to you, frankly.

I notice the M'net male lurkers are v quiet on this thread.

I haven't dated anyone in 25 years but I have a little imagination and the ability to put myself in someone else's shoes (and also to hear what they are telling me)

It's not rocket science

Fucking hell he sounds barking! Think I would have told him where to go when he couldn't decide if he was bothered to meet up or not.

I did quite a bit of OD a few years back, couldn't believe the amount of idiots out there and that's after you've gotten rid of the dick pictures, blatant only want a shaggers, 20 years older than their pictures, raceists, sexists etc etc

Good luck op, hope the weekend dates go well

unapologetic one of my dates was a "let's just meet for a quick drink and see how we get on". We got on well, so stayed for a meal, we enjoyed spending time together so went for a drink, the drink turned into several, we ended up kissing in the bar. We could have left it there at any point in the evening, but I fancied him, he fancied me, we're both single adults and we were having such a good time together that we didn't want it to end, so we went home together. I have equally been on drink/meal dates which ended with a polite kiss on the cheek and maybe or maybe not a follow-up date/text etc.

Had I 'held out' or played hard to get we would probably have met up again the following week and had another nice evening, drinks etc. At some point we would have ended up in bed because we're grown-ups who enjoy sex. I made no moral judgment about how quickly he slept with me and he made no judgment about me (other than that I'm damn good )

We're still together and if at any point during those first few weeks (or indeed even now, months later) he suddenly vanished, I would have been gutted because I knew he was lovely the minute I met him. I would rather have slept with him quickly, know that we are compatible in every way and invest the emotional energy in the relationship as a whole, than hold out trying to prove some moral point about how chaste I am, only to end up in exactly the same position, falling in love with someone and all the emotional risk that entails, sex or no sex.

Hope that helps you to understand how people meeting can end up having sex. We're not all Victorians.

and as for the "where do you go" fortunately one of the benefits of being single is that you usually get an evening or two when your DCs are with their other parent, so obviously the answer to that question is "home" (his or mine) not some seedy back alley shag before you get back for the babysitter.

just caught up. I am loving that some people cant understand how people end up having sex.

Some dates are coffee dates, some dates are a walk and a chat, some dates are lunch, or dinner, or drinks or an activity. I have had dates where they are 30 mins long and dates that have lasted 10 hours. Sometimes if you are having a great time, and getting on so well, and both fancy each other, one thing leads to another and you end up having sex. If any posters cant remember that ' must have you now, rip your clothes off with your teeth' feeling, then thats sad i think....

a first date is blind, but its also not, as others have said, you have usually chatted a fair bit first before even deciding to go out with them, so sort of know a bit about them.

Hey, I am not moralising - I have been around the block I can assure you. I have done both the traditional date and the hook-up and I know the difference which is why I genuinely asked how you can have sex on a date!!!!

care to share your infinate wisdom on this subject?

What does 'infinate' mean? Is it an on-line dating term?

infinite wisdom.

phone typo, sorry.

Oh I've got it now guys. You have to have already built up a connection through loads of texts/emails, done plenty of flirting, arrange to meet somewhere where neither of you is driving and you can have a drink or several, you both have to have an indefinite number of hours free, you have to have arranged for your children to be away from home so he could possibly come back to yours or you have booked a babysitter who is so flexible (not paid by the hour) that you can go back to his, then you have to have that initial attraction, then some real life flirting, more drinks, more flirting, hinting, gagging for it, time is getting on, doesn't matter you don't have to get back, come back to mine/yours for coffee, we know what that means, put the kettle on, sit on the same settee, legs touching, move a bit closer, go in for a kiss, move on to full on snogging, do I like this? yes or no, get a bit more passionate, start undressing, shall I/shan't I, may as well, go for it, what the hell....

No wonder that has never happened to me.

:)

And of course SOME dates end it you running for the hills as quick as you can.

And SOME dates, the above might not happen for a few weeks, or it might happen after the first date. It doesnt much matter.

unapologetic

you are enjoying that little scenario a leetle too much, aren't you ?

Unapologetic is really fucking creepy.

Unapologetic it's called lust! In the adult world if two people are on a date, drinks flowing and you fancy the pants of each other, is it really that hard to understand how it might lead to sex?

Maybe it comes down to how much you involve character into attraction? I'm not attracted to wankers, generally. So I'm confused by people who say everyone they've met on OD is a massive creep, but they've found them attractive enough to sleep with.

Generally my rule is if I'm not that interested in someone but kind of fancy I'll sleep with them straight away. If I'm more fussed I'll wait and see what happens. If nothing happens, it's for the best overall. I've got no time for shagging someone I potentially really like and pretending that I'm cool with super casual. ONS scratch an occassional itch, but I don't need to scratch that itch all the time.

I thought there was something distinctly off about unapologetic's posts too...hairy handed trucker? Dm journo? [Hmm]

In my experience, its pretty hard to judge what someone's REALLY like if you meet them OD, I am an excellent judge of character, I have to be for work, but I have found most men of the shag and run kind are quite adept at displaying a very different persona to their true one pre date/ pre sex, even so far as concealing the fact they are actually married. My default position is now they're all tossers until proven otherwise, which is a slightly dispriting way to apprach things....

UPDATE:
The guys account has been deleted. So it seems like reporting him for sending nasty messages for his own amusement and having fake profiles as a woman, has been acted on :)
( further proof it was nothing i did but just because he is a nut)

I dont have a general rule regarding sex. It happens if/ when it happens. There have been plenty of times when ive been manically trying to quickly shave my legs at 2am because ive gone out and sex has been the furthest thing on my mind. And equally there have been times when ive gone out in matching underwear and its stayed on.

Dont know if it needs saying that i didnt actually sleep with this guy on the first date anyway.

Samething, that's what I call a result . I would love to see all the narcissist/headfuck types eliminated from POF, but unfortuntately Rome wasn't built in a day.... we can but hope...

Good luck for your dates this weekend. Despite me lying low on this thread for a bit, I'm on your side and totally get where you're coming from.

As for myself, I'm going to a an 'over 30s/40s/50s party night' tonight (yes, actual Real Life!), they are full of the same unappealing types generally, but at least I can get pissed and let my hair down on the dance floor!

:)

Have a bloody smashing time!

I do think most people who have dated recently know where im coming from. It really is so very different.

Sad that it has never happened to you Unapologetic, its bloody brilliant! I felt like a teenager again, snogging in the corner of a club with a guy I couldn't keep my hands off!

Maybe you should try it?

And no, I didn't arrange for my DCs to be elsewhere in order to have an empty house - I arranged for the date to be on my kid free night (a Thursday as it happened that week) so that I didn't need to rely on a babysitter for what may have been a quick drink & chat. We had both driven as neither of us are big drinkers, but being adults we realised that we could actually leave our cars parked and get a taxi home if we wanted to have an extra drink.

You are trying to make out that any date which isn't based around "what do you do for a living and what's your favourite food" is too much too soon. The great thing about OD is that you get so much of the factual info up front that when you meet its about seeing if there's a connection, not 20 questions!