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Original poster

It appears ive been dumped - again.

391 replies

samethingdifferentman · 25/05/2013 10:04

Every damn time.
Same old story, you have a few dates, you eventually sleep with them, they vanish into thin air.

I thought this one was different, before we had sex he was talking about stuff we could do together this weekend, and ' next time' and it was all good, this was last weekend, Since then ive had a few texts and thats it. Our plans for last night, which HE organised came to nothing.

Its just so bloody depressing and such a cliche.

OP posts:
niceupthedance · 30/05/2013 10:37

So the attractive men get to have sex and women just have to wait around for whatever barrel-scraper comes along offering his wares in exchange for a relationship? Maybe ok if you don't want to have any sex while you are waiting for 'the one'. Which might never happen.

Catsandtheirpizza · 30/05/2013 10:44

^^ You're forgetting OP was complaining about the fact she always gets dumped after sex - that's the whole point of this thread.

Catsandtheirpizza · 30/05/2013 10:47

So any man who doesn't sleep with any old slapper person as soon as he meets them is a barrel scrapper?

Must remember to tell my sons that, rather than suggesting they look around for someone attractive, interesting & with half a brain Hmm

CorrStagnitto · 30/05/2013 10:50

Jeez Louise! how did this thread turn into an interogation of the OP and here sex life! Hmm

some of you need to get real a life, i would never wait months and months to sleep with someone i liked (because guess what? i like sex and if i like someone then i go for it, this isnt the 1950's ffs) and i wouldnt interrogate someone before i had sex either, part of the fun of meeting someone new is getting to know them, exploring each other, finding out their little habits, sometimes they turn out to be tosspots, shit happens, thats life

Catsandtheirpizza · 30/05/2013 10:54

No-one is interrogating the OP.

Most people like sex - but the OP was complaining about being dumped after sex each time.

VelvetSpoon · 30/05/2013 10:56

Look, take it from someone who has done a lot of OD over the last 4 years - number of men who are looking for a relationship : tiny. Number who are looking to shag around, whether as a one-off or for a couple of dates til something new comes up: the overwhelming majority.

I slept with several men on the first date, never saw them again. I wasn't exactly overjoyed about that but as it was that or no sex at all for years and years, I don't regret it. It took me 4 years to meet someone who wasn't just looking for sex...it would have been a very long wait had I held out for him all that time!

SueDnym · 30/05/2013 10:58

Having a read round the relationships forum is eye-opening in that you can have a relationship for years, even marry the bastard, and they can still be a shit. apparently. "holding out" is no guarantee of another person's character.

Have sex if you want it, don't if you don't, but don't judge other's choices unless you really know what you're talking about. Just because you did (or didn't) do something sixteen flipping years ago, doesn't mean that the OP should make YOUR choices now.

niceupthedance · 30/05/2013 11:05

"Most people like sex - but the OP was complaining about being dumped after sex each time."

Yet waiting to have sex only guarantees one thing: you will not have sex.

Catsandtheirpizza · 30/05/2013 12:15

I'm not talking about 'holding out' - I'm talking about not 'going down like a fat dog on wet lino' as one of my friends puts it.

AnyFucker · 30/05/2013 12:35

Fgs, how many times ?

The OP was not complaining about being dumped after having sex

MadBusLady · 30/05/2013 12:38

Cats nice friends you've got.

Catsandtheirpizza · 30/05/2013 12:56

AF - I must have misread this then: 'Same old story, you have a few dates, you eventually sleep with them, they vanish into thin air.'

AnyFucker · 30/05/2013 13:00

Several times now she has said she was glad she had the sex, doesn't regret the sex but what she objects to is the freaky ignorant treatment you receive from a lot of men on the dating scene

MadBusLady · 30/05/2013 13:04

Yes, and then there was the update, which said "Oh my god, this one was a stark raving nutjob, so that's why he vanished into thin air. Thank christ, he's dumped." And then (and I quote) "least i got a shag (and he is very pretty)". So I think this one has resolved itself pretty well.

OD sounds like complete bunch of arse, but it's not because women are "going down like a fat dog on wet lino" Hmm, it's because some people are dickheads/chancers. There isn't really any way of telling that over a timescale that isn't Victorian, so you just have to take your chance (if you actually want sex with them, of course). And then you can have a moan about it from time to time. I find it baffling that people thing this is in any way resolveable, it's just dating/life, exactly as the OP ended up concluding.

VelvetSpoon · 30/05/2013 13:12

couldn't have put it better myself!

unapologetic · 30/05/2013 13:43

velvetspoon How can you have sex on a first date? I don't mean from a moral point of view. I mean, how on earth does it happen?

Isn't it usually: Hi, how are you, what can I get you to drink, let's have a chat, terrible weather for this time of year, how many kids have you got, where do you work, what music do you like, ...oh that was nice, do you want to do this again, yeah that would be good, what shall we do, oh yeah, go for something to eat next time, see ya X

Where/when/how does the sex happen? (am I naive?)

SueDnym · 30/05/2013 13:47

You're naive.

unapologetic · 30/05/2013 13:49

You need to spell it out to me then.

ALittleStranger · 30/05/2013 13:52

A little naïve, but I would agree that in my experience most first dates just haven't been set up to go that way. It's a mixture of context, people being cautious and formal with strangers, relative soberness and OD men being a bit wet.

SueDnym · 30/05/2013 14:00

It depends on a) the date, and b) the daters, unapologetic. Not all dates are the same, and not all people on dates behave the same way. HTH.

VelvetSpoon · 30/05/2013 14:06

You are very naïve.

One of them was someone I had spent a fair while messaging, about 100 texts a day, wanted to be my boyfriend before we had even met. I got slightly carried along with it all, which given that level of intention and apparent adoration, it is hard not to.

As to the others, alcohol, attraction and being a woman in her 30s who likes sex and hadn't had any regularly for a very long time were the main factors.

I like the build up as much as the next person. I don't shag every man I meet. But before my first first date sex 18 months ago, I hadn't had any action for 3 years (because I had been waiting to get beyond a first date, which never happened). I was fed up with waiting. I see nothing wrong in that!

unapologetic · 30/05/2013 14:09

I didn't say there was anything 'wrong' with it. I am just trying to imagine how it gets from meet for a quick drink to see if we get on to full sex. Seriously, where do you go? Who mentions it? How do your clothes come off?

VelvetSpoon · 30/05/2013 14:11

To add, the dates where sex was involved - this followed at least 3 hours spent drinking and chatting in a pub/bar type place, a lot more time and conversation than I remember there being when I met blokes while out 'on the pull' in clubs with my mates 20 years ago!!

SueDnym · 30/05/2013 14:15

Not all dates are "meet for a quick drink". NOT ALL DATES ARE THE SAME DATE.

MsCellophane · 30/05/2013 14:16

So easy to see which people have dated recently and which ones haven't. Things are very different now and email and texting has made things so much harder

Most people before actually meeting will have sent emails back and forth or texted a fair bit. So, you already know quite a bit about each other before meeting face to face. Most of the time, you don't find them physically attractive but some you do. If you fancy a bit more, then you either invite them back for coffee or suggest coffee at theirs. Exactly the same as meeting someone in the pub on a night out

Sorry he was a dick OP but glad you found out why and hope your next one is less barking

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