Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

It appears ive been dumped - again.

391 replies

samethingdifferentman · 25/05/2013 10:04

Every damn time.
Same old story, you have a few dates, you eventually sleep with them, they vanish into thin air.

I thought this one was different, before we had sex he was talking about stuff we could do together this weekend, and ' next time' and it was all good, this was last weekend, Since then ive had a few texts and thats it. Our plans for last night, which HE organised came to nothing.

Its just so bloody depressing and such a cliche.

OP posts:
Original poster
samethingdifferentman · 01/06/2013 22:34

And here proves the fickleness of online dating....
Met date for a drink. Stayed for another. He asks what im doing for dinner...i say nothing yet... so he asks if i wsnt dinner. We go to dinner. He asks me out for two weeks time. I say that will be nice :)
I go home and he texts to ask if i wsnted to watch a filmor was that too much. I say no, great. He comes over. We chat. Watch half a film then he leaves after a clumbsy hug.
I check the dating site ( without logging in myself) and hes logged in 20 mins after leaving my house :(

OP posts:
Rufus20 · 01/06/2013 23:44

Why did you let him come around for a movie after a date?

Original poster
samethingdifferentman · 02/06/2013 07:28

Because we had had a nice afternoon and i had enjoyed his company. Because it was early and i had noyhinh else to do and would have sat in front of the tv by myself. Because i did.

Its got nothing to do with why he logged straight back into the dating site, has it.

OP posts:
Rufus20 · 02/06/2013 07:34

Firstly, why does it matter? He might have logged in for all sorts of reasons - to look at your profile, to look at someone else's.

Secondly, it's your choice, but coming round for a movie reeks of "booty call"

Walkacrossthesand · 02/06/2013 07:49

Could any of his behaviour while watching movie have been construed as 'feeling the way for sex' which you (equally tacitly) declined? Seems odd to ask if you want to watch a film, then leave half way through - as per rufus, and in keeping with going back on the site to find another possibility for first-date leg-over

Original poster
samethingdifferentman · 02/06/2013 07:55

No. We didnt even cuddle, he made no moves at all, on the date itself or in the evening.

It does seem odd he left half way through, i agree. But it cant have been about sex because he didnt make a move .

It matters because its a little crap to log in so soon. He must have literally got in and logged straight in. Its a little insulting after he had spent all afternoon and part of the evening in my company.

OP posts:
Walkacrossthesand · 02/06/2013 08:02

Indeed. And one of the reasons why I'm feeling increasingly disillusioned about OD. Even if I were to meet and click with a nice chap (which seems unlikely on past experience), they have seen the 'sweetie shop' that is OD, and had their hand in many of the jars - seems unlikely they'll be able to resist sneaking back for another look and possibly a rummage, whenever the urge takes them.

Original poster
samethingdifferentman · 02/06/2013 08:12

More so because he extended the date by asking me to dinner. And then again asking about the film. And he asked to see me again. So to all extents it must have been a good date.
And yet the first thing he does, the momment he gets home, is to chat to other women.
So straight away you know its not going to go anywhere.

OP posts:
tushtalk · 02/06/2013 08:23

I am a old man and on reading your post i just wonder if you are too pushy, too keen.
Try been cool and also try been open and honest and open as talking will open up what kind of man you are with.

Original poster
samethingdifferentman · 02/06/2013 08:26

Im too keen?
Because he extended the date twice?

[Confused]

OP posts:
Catsandtheirpizza · 02/06/2013 08:49

Too keen because you made yourself too available.

What was the film?

Catsandtheirpizza · 02/06/2013 09:02

I don't think that makes him fickle. Maybe he thought you two could work, realised it wouldn't, so went home. You can't expect a 100% hit rate. At least he was honest, didn't sleep with you then dump you - isn't that what you were complaining about with the other guy?

Original poster
samethingdifferentman · 02/06/2013 09:04

Porn.

Batman, dark knight rises... I didnt enforce some girly romantic shit on him.

ah, i see, so when you like someone, its best not to see them. right Hmm
i dont go in for all that, im sorry, i just dont. he asked me to dinner, i said yes. We then went to our own homes. he text me and said he had wanted to know if i would watch a film with him, but he didnt know if that was weird since we had just met, and i said no, its fine.

we chatted for about an hour. and then watched a bit of the film, he declared he was tired, so left at 10pm. By 10:20 he was back on the dating site, where he stayed logged in for about 3 hours.

i dont expect somone to come off a dating site after one date, but its a little instulting when he has spent 6 hours in my company.... and asked me out again, to log in almost the instant he leave my house.

i do love that again the blame is being laid with me. must have scared him off by saying yes to him. fucking ridiclous.

OP posts:
Original poster
samethingdifferentman · 02/06/2013 09:23

and im also not even sure i fancied him. he might have been a grower... i would have seen him again to decide.

He seemed quite quiet and nervous, so i would have been willing to give it another date.

but now i wont bother. I have no desire to get pulled into some game where i have to behave one way or another.

OP posts:
MadBusLady · 02/06/2013 09:56

He extended the date so you're too keen, and you should instead be cool and honest and open? Confused

Honestly samething I think you're better off not seeking dating advice on this thread. You're right not to do game-playing and Rules stuff, it's a complete waste of time.

Original poster
samethingdifferentman · 02/06/2013 10:11

I Know.

I was cool and honest and open, im not anything but,surely messing people around by inventing silly rules is NOT being honest and open.

basically its a big pile of shit.

hes back online on the site this morning......but has also messaged me. im not going to reply yet. he can wait till the end of the day and see what it feels like.

See, immediately this is not the right foot for anything to get off on, and im now not interested at all.

OP posts:
Catsandtheirpizza · 02/06/2013 11:01

I wasn't saying I thought you were making yourself too available BTW, I was clarifying what I thought Tushtalk meant, as you asked.

I'm not sure what you are looking for from this thread. You are telling us what happened, people are giving you possible explanations - and you are getting defensive.

If you've been single and dating on-line for five years, if I've understood that right, maybe try something else.

EHoneybadger · 02/06/2013 11:27

When I was doing OD I would chat to maybe two or three at the most. I met 5 dates over a few months. Two were total non starters and I let them down gently. Three I liked and saw again.

One was lovely but worked way too far away for months at a time and it didn't work (finishing spectacularly in a flurry of wrong end of the stick emails with a 6 hour time delay between us).

One was lovely, charming and funny. Seemingly very keen at first but a flakey, unreliable workaholic who I think was trying to squeeze me into a kind of time slot similar to the very limited contact time he had with his DD. A few months in I started to feel like I was being used as a free dinner, B&B conveniently situated half way between where he lived and where he travelled often to work. That finished painfully with me steeling myself to no contact and obsessive reading of baggage reclaim. :-D

Lastly I met a lovely, normal man who I have been dating for 9 months. He treats me well. We have had weekends away and holidays together already and he is just fab. My kids think he is great and I like his kids. They are all over 18 so it has been easier for us not having to arrange babysitters.

All the men I saw I contacted first and all were who and what they said they were do I think I was lucky.

Re the logging in thing, I was exclusive in dating one at a time just because I feel more comfortable not having more than one on the go so when I knew I liked somebody and wanted to see them again I would stop chatting to the others, normally with a polite message but have to admit I disappeared on two. Not deliberately but because I kept forgetting to send a message.

I would frequently log in to show the picture and profile of who I was seeing to friends and when done on an iPhone app it would frequently leave me logged in. Twice I was asked about it. I didn't mind being asked but would have been really hurt if someone had dumped me because they assumed I was chatting to somebody else. Once me and my now DP were both logged in at the same time 'cause I was showing him to my grown up daughter and he was showing me to his so there really can be an innocent explanation.

If you like this guy, give him the benefit if the doubt. He might be a nobber but there are lots of nice reasons that he might have logged on when he got home. Either to look at you, show you off to a mate or gently let down other people he had been chatting to.

EHoneybadger · 02/06/2013 11:32

'Scuse typos and lack of punctuation; on an iPhone.

Oh and I slept with all of them within the first two or three dates so :-p to all you rulesy people.

JulietteMontague · 02/06/2013 11:41

No good has ever come of any thread on here about Internet dating. It always comes down to those who get what it's like and those who don't. The OP is open about meeting a few odd ones, maybe some bad experiences and for whatever reason it's the one area on MN where whatever the OP does, it seems acceptable to say it's the OP's fault/she should do something different/stop/find her self esteem and so on.

Rufus20 · 02/06/2013 12:19

It just seems that the OP is investing too much in OD. OP you seem upset that a man you met through internet dating is ... using an internet dating site - you logged in as well, just as he did - why get so upset about it?

lottieandmia · 02/06/2013 12:35

When people having been using an internet dating site for a long time they get into the habit of logging in a lot just as you would to MN or Facebook imho......also as others have said - you logged in as well. He could have logged in for any number of reasons.

DoingItForMyself · 02/06/2013 12:48

Oh FFS - "made yourself too available"?! What a load of shite.

I would give him the benefit of the doubt on the logging in (he could have been looking at your profile to double check something he remembered about you i.e. "likes watching superhero films"!) or it could be that he remembered he'd arranged to meet someone else and thought he should let her know he was unavailable - there are possible reasons that don't involve him being a feckless shagger as unlikely as these may be

Can you reply to his message and ask him why he left so abruptly? Say you thought you were getting on OK and were surprised he left halfway through the film. It might not be 'cool & unavailable' to ask, but at least you'll know!

P.S. I think you should ask for credentials from all posters and ignore anyone on here who has never done OD - its a bloody minefield and nobody can possible understand unless they've done it!

StuffezLaYoni · 02/06/2013 13:06

Hang on - you must have logged in yourself in order to see that'd he'd logged on as soon as he got home......?

StuffezLaYoni · 02/06/2013 13:07

Oh balls - just seen about a thousand other people have made that point already!

Swipe left for the next trending thread