Oh my god I am going to fucking kill dh. His fucking porn habit.

[Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme]

Have just caught him watching porn for the umpteenth fucking time and this time I have snapped.

I didn't get upset and ask him why he does it and ask him if he loves me and does he want to split up. I TOLD him in no uncertain terms that if I catch him again HE will be out on HIS arse. I told him I cannot do this anymore, worrying about should we divorce and how I'd tell our little dc's. I do so much for him, I am a sahm and quite frankly I'd like to see how he gets on without me here but I wouldn't leave my dc's.

We have a great sex life. Why does he feel the need to look at these women? What's the big thrill? I just don't understand it and I never will. I don't get the urge to look at naked men all the time. He is one small fucking step away from a divorce. I don't want to turn my life on its arse and upset my children over such a stupid thing but by god I am running out of patience.

Don't expect any advice. Am not going to ltb just yet. Haven't quite got my head around that one right now but really needed to vent. Thanks for reading. Feels cathartic to write it down and know that someone might sympathise. Told DBil and his partner last time it happened. Got no help there. Think they were too embarrassed to mention it again. Lots of tutting and tea and sympathy at the time, well from her anyway, he was definitely too embarrassed to talk about it.

[Hassled]

SHe's not being a bully and it's not "just images". A lot of quite sane, reasonable women have huge issues with pornography and that's a completely valid point of view. I'm one of those women. Presumably Ilovemydog's DH knows her views and has chosen to ignore them. Presumably the DH knows that the thought of him wanking off to "just images" makes her feel like a sack of shit, and again, he's chosen to ignore this. You might disagree with her POV but please don't belittle it.

[Hassled]

x-post.

[cherhorowitz]

You shouldn't, OP. He should be backing off the porn and trying other things instead, with or without you. You are in a relationship and while you don't get to dictate what he does or how he behaves that means your feelings come into consideration. If he's not addicted to porn then he has no reason to completely disregard your feelings other than that he wants to.

Suggest roleplay, light domination/submission, erotic literature - something to stimulate him more than usual that will stop him going back to porn. Sometimes it's just the ease of access as men are very visual and you can't just be sex on tap all the time. Also sometimes I know we all need our alone time.

I apologise if you've tried all of the above, I was just trying to come up with some suggestions.

[scaevola]

No, you are not over-reacting. Just because some people don't mind it, it does not follow that you have to be like them.

You do not have to put up with it. This isn't about bossiness, it's an important moral and ethical question. And when you discover incompatibilites in such important areas as those, of course it shakes everything.

[MillyStar]

The thing is you are comparing yourself to these silly girls who do it (their parents must be so proud) and there is no way on this earth he will be comparing you to them!

I want to give you a big hug after your last post you do sound very insecure, if he likes a bit of porn he likes a bit of porn I can guarantee he still would even if you lost 3 stone overnight my love

Talk to him calmly about it

[chainstore]

I would definitely be very hurt if I was in your situation. Have you explained to him how it makes you feel and why you are so unhappy about it. Would counselling help?

[CuttedUpPear]

Here is a link that a MNetter gave me on my thread last year. It helped me articulate my feelings.

[Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme]

Does anyone remember a thread a couple of years ago where the op found over 14,000 pornagraphic images of women on the family computer that her dh had stashed away without realising that it was all available to see?

Well, that was me.

I got told by hundreds of MNetters to ltb.

Now it's alright?

I am a bit confused. I don't think he's storing pictures now, but he's obviously got a short memory.

[Hassled]

Milly - "these silly girls" are almost certainly trafficked and abused. Less silly and more exploited, I'd say.

[Hassled]

Yes I do remember. Bloody hell. I can see you've reached a tipping point.

[KarlosKKrinkelbeim]

What are you saying, Milly? Porn use has to be tolerated but obviously the girls who do it are "silly"??
Men are kings, ladies, always remember that. They are entitled to have the sexual needs met by whatever means they see fit, although of course the woman who actually meet those needs are always, always, contemptible.
What the fucking fuck???

[ElectricSheep]

You don't have to put up with it. You just have to decide what you are going to do about it.

That might be wanting to end your sexual relationship with him or your whole relationship.

Personally I don't think is a question of overreacting. You have to have a long hard think about how much this matters to you. Personally it would be a dealbreaker for me but I know a lot of other people don't mind or actually enjoy it and are not bothered by the political/abusive dimension of it.

[CuttedUpPear]

And here is some more reading if you feel up to it. I found it very helpful if only in my discussions with DP.

[MillyStar]

Lots of them chose to do it also and have a good lifestyle from it and enjoy it

That changes things massively storing images on the family computer

Tell us the full story? That does sound like a bit of an addiction to me

[ElectricSheep]

I don't think it is* a question of overreacting

[CuttedUpPear]

I remember your thread OP. I feel for you. And I'm shocked by all the naysayers leaping to the defence of porn here.

Is this what has changed about MN?

[HeySoulSister]

I remember a thread like that.... Did he have them in seperate folders or something?

[KarlosKKrinkelbeim]

"Lots of them chose to do it also and have a good lifestyle from it and enjoy it"
Oh well then it's clearly fine to pour scorn on them while fiercely protecting the "right" of men to consume their product
totally sick

[YoniBottsBumgina]

It doesn't matter if other people think it is a big deal or not, the fact is that he and you have opposing baseline views/moral code on it. To you it's a betrayal, to him it's totally separate to the relationship and has no bearing on the way he feels about you and so not worth making a fuss about. Hence when you express how much it upsets you he ignores that (or doesn't hear it) and carries on because it is so normal to him that he can't imagine you are being serious.

[GoshAnneGorilla]

Thank you Karlos, I was beginning to despair.

[CuttedUpPear]

Millystar you are deluded if you think that "lots of them" have a good lifestyle from porn.

You are wrong. Most of these girls are pressured into it by ruthless pimps.
Almost without exception, wherever you see porn, there will be a man making money out of it.

Pretending that they are enjoying it is part of the deal.

[calypso2008]

OP It is not O.K. It is foul and I would also feel as you do.

Porn is disgusting IMVHO.

[Hassled]

Milly - maybe what you say is true and maybe lots of them choose to do it. Maybe, although I can't really imagine many little girls thinking "what I'd most like to be when I grow up is a porn star". But many, many of them don't choose to do it. How do you know which it is that your DH/DP is wanking off to? I'm derailing and I'll stop now.

ilovemydog - you have all my sympathies and I know whatever you decide to do you'll have support here.

[calypso2008]

Well said cutteduppear