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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse

141 replies

Mosman · 09/05/2013 12:58

"H" has lost his job. I wasn't working because we don't have a visa or permanent residency now.
I'm in Perth the rent is paid until Tuesday, he's getting a week in lue of notice, 4 children and about $700 to my name.
Does anyone know if the embassy or someone will fly us home.
I can't take much more tbh

OP posts:
Xales · 10/05/2013 16:31

Can you look on the bright side that you can now come home and he can't prevent you from removing the children from Aus?

Can family help out? Or use that new CC to get you home and away from here.

Shitty time you are having hugs

Lavenderhoney · 10/05/2013 17:37

What are you tenants doing? Are they aware? Can you call the CAB in the UK, explain you are coming back and get them to mediate for you? Isn't there a UK debt charity that mediates?

Could you still call the bank or whoever and explain you are coming back and will be working? In the meantime call anyone you worked for here, linked in etc and try and get something even contracting you can provide to the bank? Because if your house is repossessed then you might struggle to get credit or another mortgage etc? More trouble really.

Do your plans currently include your dh or are you taking charge of you and your dc alone now? It sound so stressful, and having to make such immediate decisions. What is really best for you and your dc?

SquinkiesRule · 10/05/2013 21:39

Bloody hell what a mess.
I've been following your story. I'm so sorry it's going from bad to worse.
Is there anyone in UK who would help fly you and the kids home?
Start selling everything that isn't nailed down, you won't be able to afford to ship it anyway so time to start getting rid of stuff.
Pare it down to one suitcase full each ready to fly off.

Original poster
Mosman · 11/05/2013 01:23

He has depleted his parents of their savings over the past 5 years whilst he's been in and out of employment. Mind wouldn't dream of lending anything.
The best bet seems to be to let the house go, get a job ASAP and then squirrel money away so by July I'll have a tax refund and some money to move forward.
I've told him he needs to go out to job hunt I cannot look at his face for an additional 8 hours a day I'll kill him or myself.

OP posts:
newbiefrugalgal · 11/05/2013 08:52

He should be looking for any type of job. Stacking shelves at big w if he has to!

But I would seriously cut him loose now. You can do this on your own.
It's all pretty shit anyway so why not get that fresh start without him.
What is he actually contributing?

Will you look for work in oz or uk? You were thinking of living in Sydney at one stage, greater chance of finding job their?

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 11/05/2013 08:57

Sorry, I am reading right, he has cheated on you?

SummersComing1111 · 11/05/2013 09:08

Sorry but why are you together you seem very unhappy Hmm maybe come back to the uk an do a fresh start

Original poster
Mosman · 11/05/2013 09:19

We were together simply for practicalities and he was getting p r through his job that he just lost.
Now there seems little point.
He's on the sofa, I'm seeing somebody else and looking for jobs literally anywhere perth Sydney UAE and the UK
Just not sure what happens when the money runs out, we haven't got next months rent or much cash for food.
He can't work at big W he'd need 457 sponsorship and I can't see them paying $3000 for a shelf stacker

OP posts:
puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 11/05/2013 09:38

This sounds like a very confusing and difficult situation for you mosman

Do you have anyone who can loan you money to get back to the UK?

newbiefrugalgal · 11/05/2013 09:38

Bugger about the visa.
How much bond did you pay? Will that buy a month or two? Not sure the process for removing tenants in oz.

Do your children know?

glastocat · 11/05/2013 09:42

Having signed a rental agreement in Perth last week, ours was pretty water tight, if you don't pay they can chuck you out PDQ I'm afraid. And bond is held separately, so I doubt if they would credit that against rent either.

Original poster
Mosman · 11/05/2013 10:17

They can get us to court I'm two weeks and the magistrate can give us four weeks to find somewhere, but where both unemployed and needing visas that take four weeks to come through.
Next week is do or die really.
Nobody will lend us the money I will have to go to the consulate I guess and see what they say.

OP posts:
Horsemad · 11/05/2013 10:44

Get to the consulate, get yourself & kids home to the UK & start again without this dick.

Unless you like drama; if so then stay and see what happens next... Hmm

Original poster
Mosman · 11/05/2013 10:56

I can't say the drama has been much fun he's currently in the kitchen shouting about how he didn't feel loved and appreciated. I've had to leave the room to stop myself from killing him tbh.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 11/05/2013 11:07

Mosman, in every thread I've read that you've written, you've told us about this awful man.

Why are you still including him in any plans?

SavoyCabbage · 11/05/2013 11:12

Bloody hell Mosman, it never ends. Sad

You won't be able to buy a grapefruit in Perth for $700, never mind live on it. My dh works for a mining company and there are loads of jobs paying huge amounts of money.

If I was you, I would sell what you can and go home. AirChina is cheap as chips as I have been looking at one way tickets myself.

Horsemad · 11/05/2013 11:16

I can understand why you needed to remain there because of the children, but now you have a perfectly valid reason to stick two fingers up to him and leave. Whilst you still have some dignity left.

You sound a strong character, so do yourself a favour and get rid of him.

newbiefrugalgal · 11/05/2013 13:44

I think you should go back to the uk too.
If you do really want to be in oz, then start the process again later. You weren't happy with living costs, education (looking at private?) houses etc.

You will have more affordable housing options here and will probably get more govt. assistance in the uk compared to oz, where you will be kicked out anyway as you don't have visas.

You don't have to go back to your old area which you didn't like.
Choose an affordable city with good housing, schools and job prospects for you. Take this situation to make the changes.
Don't include your other half.
Let him sort himself out.
You are better off on your own.
You are better off on your own.
You are better off on your own.
You are better off on your own.
You are better off on your own.
:)

Original poster
Mosman · 11/05/2013 13:51

You guys are amazing, I don't deserve you but fuck I'm glad your here xxx

OP posts:
Lweji · 11/05/2013 14:07

What newbie said.

Leverette · 11/05/2013 14:35

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SconeInSixtySeconds · 11/05/2013 14:40

The only flaw with the repatriation on a 457 is your 'd'h would actually have to ask for it, and he sounds like the kind of total wanker who would refuse just to see you sweat.

If you really want to come home I think it would be worth getting in touch with Aussie immigration and spelling it out to them. They may be able to get you tickets and then go after his employer to pay back.

But this would completely shag any hope of staying if that is actually what you want to do.

QuintessentialOHara · 11/05/2013 14:52

"Although it is starting to feel he's just fucking useless on all sides of the planet."

I think you are pretty right about that. Moving abroad does not mean moving away from oneself. Why are you still with this man after everything he has put you through? And in a country you cant work?

meditrina · 11/05/2013 14:54

That's the key question - do you want to stay in Aus? Come back to UK? A fresh start somewhere else?

I am trying to think of a foolproof murder method for you. But I assume if he's utterly useless, he'll have let any life assurance lapse?

Sunnywithshowers · 11/05/2013 15:03

Mosman, I'm so sorry. ((((more hugs))))

I agree that coming home with your DC gives you a fresh start. You don't need the twunt.