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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse

141 replies

Mosman · 09/05/2013 12:58

"H" has lost his job. I wasn't working because we don't have a visa or permanent residency now.
I'm in Perth the rent is paid until Tuesday, he's getting a week in lue of notice, 4 children and about $700 to my name.
Does anyone know if the embassy or someone will fly us home.
I can't take much more tbh

OP posts:

Report

Mosman · 17/05/2013 10:02

"H" has an interview on Tuesday, I am still waiting to hear on seconds and have a couple of Skype interviews lined up for roles in the UK.
The latest thinking is if he gets a job here in Perth we will stick it out for the sake of stability for the children.
If I get a job in the UK and he gets one here I don't know what we'll do but the worse case scenario is that I get a job in Perth and he doesn't - even if it's only like that in the short term because i'm not bloody well supporting him.

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newbiefrugalgal · 17/05/2013 07:48

Any news?

Longdistance · 15/05/2013 08:15

Good luck with the interviews Mos. Will have my fingers crossed for you x

AuntieVenom · 15/05/2013 03:49

Good luck for the interviews! I know it's hard, especially when you see how the situation is affecting the wider family, but try not to feel sorry for him, he brought this completely on himself.

Mosman · 15/05/2013 02:59

I've lost the plot a while back tbh, I had all this in the UK, not prepared to do just anything but happily watch me walk out the door to go to work and put the LO in nursery whilst he sat in costa cultivating his affair - bastard - I have to keep reminding myself of this because otherwise I feel sorry for the twat.

Anyway two more interviews in Perth today, amazing what you can do when you pull your head out of your arse

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AuntieVenom · 15/05/2013 02:00

Bloody hell, what an arse - him not you! It really sounds like he wants to fail and go woe is me. You must have the patience of a saint to be able to deal with that without losing the plot.

Mosman · 15/05/2013 01:06

I can't but he could and I've suggested that this morning, he is concerned that if he gets a day job it'll take his energies away from applying for proper jobs, I pointed out he won't be around for the interviews in 3 weeks time if we don't get some cash into the house asap.

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AuntieVenom · 15/05/2013 01:00

Could you do contract work with your visa? It's likely to be faster than going for a permanent job and once you (or he) have secured something you can look for a permanent role.
Are any of your (or his) LinkedIn network in Australia, or have connections in Australia? I've found reaching out via my network a quick way of getting work in the past.
God, I hope that doesn't come across as me trying to teach you to suck eggs because it isn't meant that way.

Mosman · 15/05/2013 00:31

This is the thing with Australia - no sense of urgency - Monday, they will let me know about second stage and taking four people to second interview which seems ridiculous.
He's met with a recruitment consultant yesterday who was very positive but admitted roles may not come in before we run out of time.

I am thinking about plan B's but really it's about getting through the next six weeks.

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newbiefrugalgal · 14/05/2013 17:59

Do you know when you will hear about the Sydney job?

LittleBearPad · 14/05/2013 17:41

I'm sorry.

On the other hand it might be a plan, even as a worst case scenario, to plan what will happen if he can't contribute in the short or medium term. Then you will know where you really stand.

Mosman · 14/05/2013 10:25

I was being highly bloody sarcastic when i said is it ok ? There is no part of this i am "enjoying". Obsessed, yes maybe that too, it's all rather raw frankly I doubt anyone hasn't in their own mind murdered the other woman/man in my situation.
Life with him has been stressful for the past five years but equally there has to be a WE on the basis that he is the children's father, I do need him to pay child support and whilst of course it would be entirely understand to not give a fuck what happens to him, it impacts on me directly doesn't it ?
Sydney interview went ok, i'm clearly not on top form though.

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AuntieVenom · 14/05/2013 09:09

How'd the interview go today?

LittleBearPad · 14/05/2013 09:05

You keep talking about 'we'. 'We' need to get jobs, 'we'd' come back to the UK. There is no 'we' judging by his behaviour. You need to decide what you are going to do for you and all your children.

And it isn't ok to be enjoying the drama.

newbiefrugalgal · 14/05/2013 08:27

Good luck with job. Sydney sounds like a good option

Longdistance · 14/05/2013 06:25

Yes it's me :)

Mosman · 14/05/2013 02:02

Sorry to hear about your leg LD (is it C? Btw)

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Mosman · 14/05/2013 02:01

Whilst there's no shame, I agree if we both arrive back in blighty with suitcases and no jobs, on benefits then we've blown over £20,000 and lost a year of the kids education for nothing.
They probably won't get into the better schools, we'll get the places nobody wanted. It's heartbreaking.
I have an interview for the job in Sydney today, if I get that I'll take it, move over on my own, get settled and he can hold the fort whilst he finds a decent job in Perth or Sydney. At that point it makes sense to either come back to the UK knowing he can pay maintaince or I might be able to manage the kids on my own in Sydney with my brothers help.

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Mosman · 14/05/2013 00:41

I need him to get a job to pay maintenance

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Horsemad · 13/05/2013 16:57

Jeez, who could be bothered with the faff? Just pack up and come home to the UK and start again without him.

If it were me, nothing, nothing, NOTHING could persuade me to remain living like you are. You tried, it went pear shaped. There's no shame in coming home OP.

Longdistance · 13/05/2013 16:50

I spoke to h earlier, and he reckons if either of you can get a job that can sponsor you on a 457, then that can replace the original 457's, as in you have 28 days in which to find another job.
If I hadn't broken my leg, I'd be more use to you Mos....sigh.
Good luck with looking for a new job, I'll have my fingers crossed for you x

Mosman · 13/05/2013 12:02

Oh I am pretty obsessed with the whole "drama" right now, is that not ok given the circumstances ? And believe me he gets both barrels most days.

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DistanceCall · 13/05/2013 11:49

Sorry, but you do sound rather obsessed with your husband's infidelity and, to be honest, with the drama.

You are unwilling to return to the UK because you might lie in wait for the woman your husband slept with and pour coffee over her head? That's your greatest concern? What are you, 12? (And I'm quite surprised that you have so much venom for the other woman but are quite willing to live under the same roof as your husband.)

By the way, I hope you don't insult your husband in front of your children or call them "little buggers" to their face.

Mosman · 13/05/2013 10:58

Honestly I'd rather be in perth, the kids are happy here and the place in the UK is utterly tainted, no getting away from that. SHE was an ex pupil at the same school as my daughter attended that sort of thing. I don't think I'd be able to resist waiting in costa for her and emptying something over her head.

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arfishy · 13/05/2013 10:51

Oh dear - it's not good if it's your 457 - you are only allowed to work for the employer nominated on it and it's not transferable. I have been through many years of visa hell here and it's not pretty. You would need to find somebody prepared to sponsor you. It can be done - agencies will sponsor you if they approach you for a role and if you have a job offer some companies such as Lesters are able to provide you with a visa. It's a huge pain in the arse - I've just spent 2 years working for a bunch of idiots on a stupid rate to get PR and they folded 6 weeks before the 2 year mark and so I'm back to square one. Recruitment agencies seem to bring their British staff out on 457s all the time though, so that might be a route for you?

Realistically you might have no option but to return to the UK unless you can sort out the visa situation. If you think your H might get PR you'll have to pretend to still be a viable couple if you want to piggy back onto it - we've just got our 4th 457 and we had to jump through a lot of hoops to prove our relationship this time. It's still going to be 2 years.

We've managed to get our latest visa by DP transferring from a contract to a perm role - he said he would on the basis of a visa, which meant we dodged having to leave by just a few weeks after my organisation went bust.

Have you spoken with a migration consultant at all?

If you took the visa issues out of the situation, where would you rather be with the DCs?

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